Asklemmy

That kissing is how you become pregnant. No, really.

When I was a young lad I thought milk was cow pee and was super confused by the world.

I ran up to my mom once, completely serious and said, "Mom! I know why all fat people are short. They use up all their skin!"

I felt like a genius until she laughed so hard she fell on the floor and peed a little.

I scraped my knee and thought that putting skin-coloured paint on it would heal it

That cats and dogs were the same animal, the cats were the girls and the dogs were the boys

I thought that I'd die of cancer because that's my zodiac sign and nobody could convince me otherwise.

I thought the glyph for "heated seat" in cars depicted a raised fist with the pinkie finger extended rather than a chair with heat waves eminating from it.

The Tea at the Treedome episode of SpongeBob SquarePants further convinced me I was seeing it correctly, and I since knew it as "the fancy button". In some regard, I wasn't entirely wrong.

"When in doubt, pinkie out!"

I believed that for very small creatures (like ants) time was faster.

That male orgasm was painful. I got this idea from seeing their o-face somewhere and assuming it indicated pain.

That the world used to be black and white. I once asked how the people making The Wizard of Oz knew when the world was going to change, so they could film the movie correctly.

that my grandparents remembered middle ages or even the dinosaurs

That we have cables instead of veins inside.

That before I was born cars had the exhaust pipe on the front (in fact I used to draw cars that way).

At some point I also believed that we were born as monkeys and we evolved as we grew up.

That a bon fire was a "bomb" fire and therefore, very loud and very dangerous.

Most humans have good ethics and beliefs. The more I grow, the more I'm disappointed in our society.

I thought babyback ribs were from ACTUAL Babies

That all adults are smokers.

That all television, even live action, was just made by someone who could draw really fast.

The 'H' signs to indicate a hospital was indicating there was a helicopter pad.

Actors are dying... for real.

That God exists

My grandmother told me England was not part of the European continent. I got an answer wrong on a test because of that. She refused admit she was wrong even after I showed her in my text book.

In kindergarden, when one kid was about to hit another, the other kid would say "if you hit me, you have to pay the health insurance!". None of us had any idea what that could mean, and I have no idea where that idea came from, but it worked, because to us, that sounded bad.

Some of my class mates thought that wrestling was real, and a few of them thought there was a place in the US where it was legally possible to kill a man during a wrestling match. They were quite offended when I told them how ridiculous that notion sounded to me.

that if we break tv's screen , tv charecters can get out of it and we can enter tv

Not me, but I have heard that kids used to think 'olden times' were black & white, because all old films were before the introduction of colour. Like, it's only in the last 80? years that people see in colour...

It makes me giggle when modern movies use b&w to depict pre 21st century, or even 'flashbacks' are b&w

That we had to pay our employer to get a job.

Premises:

1. My family watches the news for [weather] and [ye local murder].
2. My friend says: his dad says: "the news lies."
3. Parents are trustworthy, and cops can't lie to the news.

Conclusion:

They lie about the WEATHER!?

That bonzai was Japanese for "fire", and therefore you should never shout "Bonzai!" in a theater.

...Yeah, I'm not sure what I was smoking either.

Tigers are female lions.

For a while, I thought kissing was how women got pregnant.

It MIGHT have had something to do with getting a half sibling in spite of my father saying he hadn't had sex with the mother. Religion makes people weird, is it really that big a deal to admit you had sex out of wedlock, when everybody already knows you got someone pregnant?

that i was a boy