chapotraphouse

It’s like 2023, but worse.

Biden and Trump die on the podium, most likely at the same time

X re-renamed to Twitter

Hillary loses to Trump's vice president pick

turtles are declared an antisemitic dogwhistle

botched coup attempts

Russia makes small, but noticeable gains against Ukraine by the end of the year.

Sanctions are declared, backfire

German government fails and they have to do early elections, CDU gets into power, SPD becomes their junior partner, afd uses their 20 something percent to get through shitty laws whenever the SPD won't vote for them

von der Leyen decrees shoot on sight on EU borders, critics will say it doesn't go far enough

An additional pandemic

More Gazan children are murdered, somebody (most likely Fetterman) explains why that's a good thing and extremely humanitarian

Vaush explodes and takes out Haz somehow

Jimmy Carter dies right before hitting 100

Kamala gets to be acting President for a day while Biden has his appendix removed

CNN gets duped by some shaky cam deepfake vid of a politician saying a slur in a private meeting

Pixar announces a movie NOT themed around humanized objects/concepts

GTA VI gets its release date announced then immediately gets its first delay

New Jack Swing Revival

Temu gets taken down because of espionage fears

Elon retweets a ride-or-die soyjak-making groyper

Hot Topic goes bankrupt

It's going to be the hottest one in recorded history

Somehow Desantis becomes president because the world hates me.

U.K bans all pronouns, accidentally makes entire country legally non-binary.

Hillary Clinton tells centrist republicans to Nintendo Switch 2 voting blue

Another ship gets stuck in a canal

Crash Bandicoot movie voiced by Chris Pratt

i will play a fun video game at some point probably i dunno

🐿️💭............🌰🥢🐿️

America collapses

Inshallah

everything's gonna be fine

Death to America

First half will be a good year of jrpgs and then a new surge of covid

2024 fanfiction:
1 Trump goes to jail
2)Trump wins because he is in jail, and then pardons himself and everyone from jan 6
2a) PSL candidates win more votes than any communist or socialist has ever won in US history, but still lose handily (oof). Media never mentions it anyway.
3)Biden dies of natural causes shortly before Election Day. Media pretends it is a great tragedy, but literally nobody cares. He still loses to Trump in jail.
3a) Kamala is literally a deer in a headlights, immediately defers to Antony Blinken and John Bolton for advice. Decides to bomb a random country.
4)Trump dies of natural causes within weeks of Biden dying, VP-elect Tom Cotton calls for bombing of Iran, China, and alliance with Russia. Moscow refuses.
5)Democrats suffer biggest defeat in a generation, but media and politicians refuse to admit it has to do with Palestine. Ignore issue and claim it had to do with border/taxes/left overreach/poor campaigning/debates. Media/pundits decides people wanted to bomb Iran and Biden was too soft.
6)Ansarallah movement sinks US warship
7)Liberals start putting yellow ribbons on their cars and calling for national unification in support of the US soldiers against Yemen, even if they don't like Trump (or his VP Cotton)
8)Israel invades Lebanon, immediately bombs every hospital.
9)Liberals support move to "eliminate Hezbollah and bring democracy to Lebanon"
10 Leaked sex tape of Milei with the 6th generation clone of his dog that talks to him. Media is impressed by the level of romance and passion.

George Santos 2024 😤

Israeli false flag against a US warship.

Turkey finally makes a move, butries the hatchet with Syria in solidarity with Palestine, exits NATO in plan to unite the Arab world and recreate the Ottoman Empire to contain Israel.

Sanctions of choice will drive costs up double digits.

Economic conditions continue to get drastically worse as technical hyperinflation hits western countries, but the leaders keep insisting everything is fine

Citi bank major scandal.

Eurovision interrupted by pro Palestinian activists - repeatedly.

begins banning opposition parties.

breaks on live tv in a way that is unsalvageable.

Assange is a free man.

In tradition with the ongoing collapse of the UK, Richi Sunak gets booted.

• Biden wins the electoral college while losing the popular vote. The media will call it a huge victory for democracy. Dems will be in the minority in both chambers
• Javier Meili admits to relationship with sister, gains popularity
• Liberal MSM outlets start acting like they never supported Ukraine in the first place
• Trump will pick an insanely stupid/ unelectable predecessor

Someone turn the most probably ones into a bingo board.

Polish right wing starts to vocally call for 'stabilization interventions' in western Ukraine in thin pretext for a repeat of 1919-21, paramilitary factions like Lwów Battalion and Kresy Battalion begin to form

China acts as mediator for a ceasefire in Gaza, it looks to be successful until a USS Liberty-alike incident escalates the Hezbollah front

Trump has a major health scare but is miraculously fine within a month

Milei requests direct US military assistance against 'communist rebels' that don't exist

Trump confirms the existence of Israel's nukes by mocking their capability in his 'we have the best nukes' speech

Hillary divorces Bill over the Epstein revelations, and successfully primaries Biden before losing the federal election to Trump as the RODHAM/BLINKEN ticket because some of her faithless electors in states that Trump was barred from running in flip votes to him for the sake of the people's right to choose their fascist dictator

An F-35 experiences a mechanical failure and crashes over Yemen, US media goes crazy about the threat of China, Russian and Iran getting access to the wreckage