Self Improvement

Honestly? SSRIs and stimulants. You sound like where I was a few years ago, I ended up in the hospital. Hormones also helped me, but that's more specific. The only non perscrition thing I can recommend is taking a real legitamte break - pulling a Bilbo as you put it. If you do that you do need to make good use of your time and get something out of the experience more than just a break.

The unfortunate truth is thag even if you aren't excited about taking meds and would rather treat the cause of the problem (capitalism), tricking your brain into functioning properly is often a prerequesire to making a change in your community and environment. It's really hard to fix the world when you can't even get up.

You sound like me but with a job and a few more molecules of dopamine (I can’t fucking write that many coherent sentences).

some people are not depressed and they are not to be trusted. they will say complete nonsense that they think works but is only possible due to the lack of disability

some people are too precarious to consider their own feelings and can't stop. they typically crash and burn eventually.

your job situation is a common scenario for alcoholism or other drug abuse, try to avoid that if you're using to cope.

the only fix for burnout is time off and a change of circumstances, so if you have the spoons to be applying and shit you're better off doing that now when you can be choosy about opportunities.

if therapy is available give it a shot but a therapist or medication won't help if what you need is money, community, and working conditions that don't make you want to die.

are you on any medication or undergoing any treatment? that sounds like a pretty serious depressive episode

The job is eroding your inner peace and polluting your mental hygiene. You spend your waking hours there, bored and annoyed, and so the attrition of the minutia is wearing down on your psyche in quiet despair; your escapisms, your tangible and social anesthetics, and consumer experiences aren't filling the void and acting as painkiller.

I'd suggest to look for another job that matches the pay, but in a different career or field; youve diagnosed yourself as burned out and if you could afford a break, I'd say to pursue that. It's time to put one foot out the door and start exploring your options while you maintain that job.

If you can't find professional fulfillment, then you can find emotional, spiritual, and physical fulfillment. Your professional aspirations and labors should fuel the latter. But your job isn't doing that for you. So, if you can, you should go back to university and find a career that can do that. If it isn't a dream job then it should be a job where you can make a comfortable living that isn't dependent on networking but merely enhances career prospects.

It seems you're in a state of despair over a life unfulfilled, so make goals on how to fix them.

Tangible, material, reachable goals of how you could process and pursue your true self in measurable ways.

:( I'm sorry, i guess it's obvious but it sounds like you are probably experiencing anhedonia (unable to feel joy).

I guess if i was to give advice other than Abolish Capitalism, i'd recommend seeing if you can address the depression in a chemical way, antidepressents, maybe check for a vitamin deficiency (it sounds silly but my depression is a lot worse when i don't take my vitamin D). If you can't feel any joy even doing things you used to enjoy, i think you've kind of hit your limit on getting better without help. I personally had good luck with antidepressants when i was at my most depressed.

And maybe try to look for another job, i know how easy it is to get trapped and it's a shitshow to find work, but maybe it'll give your brain something to focus on and give you comfort to know you're not actually trapped.

I was an assistant manager at a job I hated for years and felt basically the same as you. Switched careers, and it allowed me to locate and start working on the issues that weren't caused by my job, in my case clinical depression and ADHD. Didn't think I could ever leave but it was easy. Just my experience but you might try to make a plan. I cashed out my 401k to live off of while I went to a trade school.

Dawg it sounds like your job is sucking the life out of you. Are you able to move to another store with more normal-ish hours? How's your sleep? Are you getting a chance to get out in the sunlight a bit?

I think everybody else in the thread has worthwhile points; I just think it might be helpful to sort out the long-term stuff once you deal with the immediate job-vampire.

What do you want?

That question is perhaps a little vague, so maybe I'll add another - what is your goal? Do you have one?