allthetimesivedied

It’s still wearing on me psychologically but I will give them a taste of their own fucking medicine so help me God.

Taking a break right now. Only got minimal sleep last night. Fun.

I fuck myself over by sharing things I don’t need to, and being too honest regarding those things. Sucks that it took this for me to finally learn my lesson. I’ve really fucked myself over this way.

Couple months ago I was sent $4K by someone who just wanted me to be happy. I had literally never in my entire life had money to spend like that. It was a once in a lifetime kind of thing—I know that all too well now.

I almost bought a really fucking nice Jeep Grand Cherokee, with tags good for a whole year, already passed DEQ. Then I listened to a friend who said I should buy a car made by a Japanese company (Honda, Toyota, etc.). So the opportunity passed and never repeated itself. It was only $1,700.

I didn’t spend it all on drugs. I spent maybe a quarter of it just helping my friends out—I sent $400 to an old friend who’s homeless in Austin, TX; I ordered a fuck ton of DoorDash for my friends and I.

I also wasted a lot of it. I’d go buy something stupid, break it or lose it and buy another one. I was careless.

I loved being, for a brief moment in time, like my friends who have seemingly endless money either from rich parents or ripping off Uncle Sam.

It’s my dream to be some sort of content creator—I’ve always had a thing for writing that’s never been executed beyond just like, a private hobby. Like an old friend of mine who draws and makes art and doesn’t really show anyone. Making videos or whatever, too. That’d be cool. Then I can live off Patreon (even if it isn’t much, I’d still be happy—the things I hate about being homeless aren’t the being homeless part, per se).

I believe I deserve a second chance and I know that if I were given one, I would be way more responsible.

But that’s never going to happen. Everyone knows what a fuck up I am now and as winter approaches, I’m legit scared.

I’m sorry.

I’m not trying to fuel my drug abuse and party and shit (tbh right now I don’t even need money for that bahaha). Meth is fucking lame and I hate it anyways.

I just want my knees to stop hurting like fuck whenever I stand up and sit down. I want this brain fog I get from not eating to clear. I want a cozy sleeping bag, clean clothes and facial cleanser. I want to fill in these sunken cheeks and smooth this dry nasty skin. I want to be able to just chill and read or sew or something instead of trying to find breakfast at 4PM. I just want to have a life again.

So for about a month now I’ve been getting paid to watch a friend’s van while he’s crashing at this kind-of-a-squat down the street. I’m not making this up.

He pays me $20 every couple days (we’re both homeless, and I also get paid in other cool things + I get to crash in a tent next to the van, so it’s whatever). Today he paid me $10, with the promise that more would come later.

And so of course, I lost the $10.

I was planning on buying a few groceries—the squat might be getting evicted today so I’m raiding the kitchen, yoinked some instant coffee, need to buy some sort of creamer because I can only drink coffee with a fuck ton of cream and sugar.

I also owe a very sweet, amazing friend $10-20 for an insanely awesome speaker he found dumpster diving. We agreed on $10 but I think it’s worth more like $20. He’s an awesome person and deserves it.

Oh yeah and I need more butane for the awesome stove you guys helped me buy.

CashApp/Venmo: allthetimesivedied

Why isn’t important right now. But this is important (not really).

Venmo—allthetimesivedied

* I ate half a piece of cake and some crackers and artichoke dip this morning.

I just need like, $20-30 to grab some snacks, or do DoorDash. Maybe since I have a mini stove and cooking paraphernalia now I’ll do something economical, maybe even something I can make enough of to share (since I have a lot of other homeless people stopping by the tent/van I’m babysitting).

Oh and look who it is!

‘

Creamsicle! What’s up buddy?

He says, “Every morning my mom and dad send me $5 so I can go buy a donut and a chocolate milk for breakfast. They said I can’t share with anyone, not even my friend, and it felt really bad not being able to share today. Please help my friend.”

Thank you Creamsicle.

CashApp/Venmo: allthetimesivedied

In particular I want to buy a jacket—a leather motorcycle jacket like the one that was stolen from me a couple months ago.

CashApp/Venmo—allthetimesivedied

These fuckers are usually expensive—the cheapest option at Fred Meyer’s (Kroger) is $40. Having one of these bad boys will enable me to cook my own food, and thus improve my nutrition significantly. And as you probably know by now, I am chronically malnourished.

I would also need to get cookware. I had some, sourced from a free pile, but then I threw them out because the prospects of getting my hands on a camp stove seemed unrealistic, LOL.

CashApp: allthetimesivedied

cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/3455464

Homeless trans/non-binary person, trying to raise funds for winter/cold weather gear

I was hoping to have a van by now but I’m not very smart or good at anything.

I need, among other things, an actual good sleeping bag, thermal underwear, socks, a camp stove, and gloves. I’m too delirious to do the math but all this will probably cost at least $200.

CashApp/Venmo: allthetimesivedied

DM me for my friend’s PayPal (since I don’t have one of my own).

Thanks.

I was hoping to have a van by now but I’m not very smart or good at anything.

I need, among other things, an actual good sleeping bag, thermal underwear, socks, a camp stove, and gloves. I’m too delirious to do the math but all this will probably cost at least $200.

CashApp/Venmo: allthetimesivedied

DM me for my friend’s PayPal (since I don’t have one of my own).

Thanks.

CashApp/Venmo: allthetimesivedied.

My friends are hungry too, and I want to share with them.

My CashApp/Venmo is allthetimesivedied.

Like this really fucking sucks. I still have 6 fucking blocks to go because I volunteered to go run an errand, not fucking realizing the contents of my gut would uncomfortably slosh around. I was sad a minute ago when I thought I was going to throw up—because I actually ate a lot, when normally I barely fucking eat hardly anything.

I’m sitting down and taking a break now though.