Physically I am a primordial, but I spiritually jerk off everyday
put your dick away walter
tbh I've spent 99.9% of my post-pubescent life as a mortal, with only a few brief stints as a soldier. doubt I've ever rose to the rank of captain
I take performance enhancing drugs so I don't think my unintentional streak counts 😅
Estrogen?
Yes and also SNRIs which contribute.
It's just such a hassle lol
That makes me think, do women have NoRub clubs?
Pictured: The IOF military rank structure.
retaining my cum, mewing, wristmaxxing, keeping my tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth, doing all my other 4chan exercises
If you don't use it you'll lose it.
Increasing your risk of prostate cancer to own the... wait... who?
Ask Defense Sexretary Austin. He's got some pee pee problems. Hope it was worth owning all those defense stocks.
This whole command structure is fucked
It should be
Day 0: Primordial
Mortal
Warrior
Soldier
Captain
Commander
General
Demigod
Titan
NoFap God
General is a higher rank than Commander
Generals, captains, and commanders should be leading the warriors and soldiers
The Greek Mythology titans were defeated by the new gods.
Why would primordial, the most basic collection of cells, be at the top and not the beginning of the chain?
I think it's because of RETVRN fascism brain lmao, the older = the better for them, and i think primoridal is supposed to be the primoridal gods of greek myth, which are older than the titans and therefore even more RETVRN. i guess they think greek mythology is some anime shit where the older a god is the more powerful they are despite that as you pointed out the titans got fucking BTFO'd by the gen alpha olympians
as for the military ranking shit, i think i figured it out, it's that captains and generals are on average older than soldiers, and commanders are like bronze age mythology RETVRN version of generals, and warriors existed before military formations did so they're the ultimate RETVRN
Why would primordial, the most basic collection of cells, be at the top and not the beginning of the chain?
Primordial gods are considered to be a step above the other gods, they just don't care enough to rule. Imagine Zeus the God of Thunder trying to fight the primordial manifestation of movement and change. The gods are rulers of the universe, Primordials are the very foundation of the universe itself and could destroy it with a thought.
Even the Christian God before, he was retconned to be the only one, was only given such a high respect because he brought order to a small dot of Chaos and formed the earth. It's like taking a fort in a war while being completely surrounded for miles and considering it "defeating the enemy."
We can have the power to destroy the universe by not jerking off for two years
Soldiers 
I salute the veterans.
Titan (I'm asexual)
I don’t think I’ve ever even reached the rank of mortal since middle school 😤
needs a ranking for day zero
Trust in masturbation discourse to instantly bring out the weirdest views of any community
What's higher than mortal? Cus I'm jacking it right now
I surgically gave myself scissorhands like Edward Scissorhands from the movie Edward Scissorhands to stop myself from jacking off.
Banned? DM Wmill to appeal.
No anti-nautilism posts. See: Eco-fascism Primer
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Dunk posts in general go in the_dunk_tank, not here
Don't post low-hanging fruit here after it gets removed from the_dunk_tank