K (189?–?) Soviet pioneer. From Kazan, Tartarstan, USSR, K was diagnosed as a ‘transvestite’ in 1937.
She was given permission by the People’s Court to wear female clothing, her identity papers were changed to her female name, and her name was removed from the military recruitment rolls.
She was featured in a 1957 gynaecology textbook.
M.G. Serdiukov. Sudebnaia ginekologiia I sudebnoi akusherstvo. Moscow: Meditsina 1957: 47-8.
Dan Healey. Homosexual Desire in Revolutionary Russia: The Regulation of Sexual and Gender Dissent. Chicago and London: The University of Chicago Press, 2001: fig 24.
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I'm scared that I might not be cis and in denial. I tell myself it's just me feeling like I don't want to / can't live up to the standards of masculinity, that my genitals specifically don't give me dysphoria so I cant be trans , but maybe I'm just scared of adding more complications to my life of adding another form of discrimination I'll get to have , that I feel like I'll never find anyone and presenting myself another way will make it 100x harder . Why do I cry if I even begin to imagine myself looking feminine , I just want to close my eyes and have them not open.
Other posters have hit on this already but you don't have to be the version of trans person you see and hear about everywhere in order to be trans. The trans experience is exactly as diverse as the number of trans people there are. You don't have to fit in some box.
Just a few months ago I was right where you are now. "If I can get by as a cis person why the hell would I make things so much harder on myself? I don't look at myself in the mirror and want to throw up, so I'm probably not trans anyway."
But when it comes down to it, you only get one life, and the question a trans person has to ask themselves is would you rather spend that life letting other people define who you are, or be the happiest version of yourself you can be?
To me the answer was not at all obvious at first. What if I'm not happy enough to justify the hate I'm going to bring on myself? But there's so many ways you can safely experiment to see how you feel. You don't have to decide you're trans first before you can experiment. I highly recommend playing around a bit just to see how it makes you feel. You lose nothing just by playing around.
Thank you