Ask Lemmygrad
A place to ask questions of Lemmygrad's best and brightest
I was born this way. That's the only explanation anybody should need. Mix up the variables in the question, and the answer is still the same.
My son was born feeling like a man. Doesn't matter that he was born with female bits. We live in a world where science can reconcile that. He's him. Simple as.
"why are you gay?" vibes. clown question, sorry.
People are the way they are, and thats it. Especially leftists, you aren't going to surprise them with the "gender is a social construct" thing. They are what they have decided to be.
You have missed the entire joke because you were too busy being upset that the questions asked to trans people were turned onto cis people.
No leftist has ever asked "why are you trans?" in the way it's been framed here by OP.
Non leftists do that kind of unpolite questions, but I would expect a leftist trans person to not copy non leftist impolite behavior when dealing with leftists.
It's a bad joke tbh. Also in the wrong sub for jokes
Where have I been impolite? As someone on the internet, you should know that most things are a mix between satire and seriousness. I simply flipped the stupid trans question onto cis people for giggles and because I was interested in what people could come up with. I do not mean to suggest that cis people shouldn’t exist, just that if we must justify ourselves then so should you. (Almost) Everything has a reason, even if it’s just “it happened to be this way by circumstance.”
That's a stupid question imo. Cisgender people didn't choose their identity anymore than non-cisgender people did
This is a misconception. Cis people don't choose their gender, nor do heteros their sexuality. All babies are born genderfluid bisexual. When they start teething, gender and sexuality fairies arrive and make the baby into something else. Babies too fabulous for heterosexuality are made homosexual. If the sexuality fairy doesn't visit a baby, but they just love everyone so much, they can't distingush someone[s] they particularly like to limit their love to, they end up identifying as asexual.
I know the gender fairy visited me, we have pictures and everything, but I not sure about the sexuality fairy. I'm told they arrived, but I've seen evidence they were elsewhere at the time.
Because I like BEER and WOMEN and ARM-WRESTLING and other MANLY things and I am definitely not COMPENSATING for any insecurities by performing a heteronormative role in society in a desperate attempt to fit in!
because when i wear a skirt im a femboy not a girl
Tbc, I’m for gender abolition, not people being like “I like pink so I guess I have to change my gender.”
This might have been an okay bit if not for the “serious question,” which I still refuse to believe.
Sorry, I fixed it
I guess the most honest answer is I was conditioned to act and look like a man and I'm mostly fine with that I guess, I don't feel like acting or looking much different would be better for me.
I know the binary gender roles are made up bullshit and I roll my eyes when people around me say shit like "women are inherently this or men are inherently that" but I also don't feel the need to really change my entire personality because of this realization except for like quitting the toxic masculinity bullshit I was conditioned to reproduce.
Cause I like being a man. I assume it's the same as how trans men like being men.
I've never had an issue with the gender I was assigned and have never felt compelled to think about it until I started to understand gender as a social construct. Even after that though, WRT my own identity, I've thought about it as much as I care to and concluded everytime that, no, I really do feel most comfortable as what I was told I was from birth. I'm bi, not hetero though.
I'm AMAB and never felt any other way than masculine. I'm also straight because that's just what I'm attracted to. I was never raised to subscribe to gender roles by my family, and I've never thought people ought to. I know now that gender is a social construct, but I still choose to identify as such because it's just what I am - what I feel to be. I don't think it's all that different to how my trans and NB friends choose to identify; only that society treats me better for it, which is a tragedy.
I don't really feel duped or forced into this. I don't feel unnatural just because how I identify lines up with how I "should" identify according to my country.
Maybe it’s just me but I like to look and feel like my own perception of what is attractive.
I don't think that anyone's preferences or identity is any less genuinely theirs just because they were influenced by culture. Moreover, what we find attractive can vary greatly from person to person, even within the binary norm.
Unless my cisgender affects the way my normal life works, I honestly just don't care about it....
follow up question: have you always known you were cis? did your parents make you play with nerf guns if you are a cis boy or with dresses if you are a cis girl???
They didn’t make me play with Nerd guns because they were anti-gun, I had to beg my Mom to get one because my Dad is so staunchly anti-gun.
I just do be like that. I'm not going around doing things 'because I'm a man' but otherwise I don't have an issue with me being a man.
Maybe it’s just me but I like to look and feel like my own perception of what is attractive.
See this doesn't work for me because I hate myself.
I see it as that I am what I am and don't care if what I do is seen as masculine or feminine.
Path of least resistance i guess. I'm always trying to put in the least amount of effort possible on things that don't matter that much to me, and my gender expression is just not something that i really care about anymore so i just go with what is easiest and takes the least amount of maintenance.
As for why straight people exist, i don't know... do they? I used to think so but now I'm not so certain anymore. Nowadays i tend to think that everyone is more or less on a spectrum. Being completely straight seems as impossible to me as reaching absolute zero temperature. You can approach it but never really reach it.
So yeah, in conclusion i think straight people are probably a myth, and the only reason i'm cis is because every other option sounds like too much work.
I don't agree with this one-drop rule for straightness. I have incidentally found men attractive, but at the end of the day, that's the exception: I have found thousands of women attractive for every such incidence. It is disingenuous to call me as bisexual as a result—or at least renders the term meaningless.
It's not really a tenable position that binary trans challenges gender more than cis. I wish I could just dig up my old rant on this but basically it went that a trans woman (to pick an example) is not rejecting masculinity as a concept nor challenging its place in society, she is merely rejecting personally practicing it and instead practicing a different role that co-defines masculinity. She is embracing the concept of masculinity and femininity as pillars of human existence by remaining in one of their silos.
Mind you, I think it's wrong to say they challenge gender less than cis people because that would be absurd, since cis people overwhelmingly constitute what gender is on a base level (as a product of patriarchal social order). Some terfs try to basically blame gender on binary trans people and it's immensely stupid, so let me be extra clear that I don't mean that.
The only people who I think can credibly be called the vanguard of gender abolition are those who reject their personally having a gender identity rather than just inventing a new one. Everyone else, myself included, is plainly not doing something comparable to this, though there are other productive things to be doing, and I support the traditional communist angle of attacking gender by attacking sexism (which ultimately defines gender) and the idea that there is any difference between what men and women should do on account of their gender (e.g. there is no such thing as a "man's job", a "woman's place", etc). Gender and sexism are intrinsically kind of the same thing in the same way that race and racism are, in that they have no substance without a belief in practical difference, which is widely understood on an intellectual level to be bigotry but still not really felt in many cases.
I wince at calling myself a "man" but, beyond that, call myself male out of social convenience. If the gender vanguard announced tomorrow that there would be no more men, it would change nothing about my self-perception or presentation.
Maybe it’s just me but I like to look and feel like my own perception of what is attractive.
Yes, that's what being homosexual means. I can't speak for others, but I prefer to be what is associated with men (physically speaking) because it's functional, while the aesthetic of women, for historical reasons relating to patriarchy, is overwhelmingly slanted towards being non-functional for things other than childbearing/rearing. I guess we have something in common because I tend to be more attracted to women who are fit rather than just thin, which by the definition I just laid out makes them a little more "masculine".
idk, breasts are attractive (see the unfortunate discourse on the front page) but I would never want to have them or any of the other pouches of fat that characterize visible female sexual dimorphism beyond wider hip bones (which seem fine to have), thinner bones (which no one should have) and of course genitalia. On that last point, well, I don't know how to explain this to someone who doesn't already understand it, but I am fine with having my own genitalia but am moderately revolted by those that aren't mine. Think of it like shitting, it's disgusting when it's someone else but with you it's just whatever. Vaginas are disgusting as well, but they are less visible and mechanistically get along with dicks pretty well most of the time.
That was my best attempt at simply explaining being a male cishet Marxist.
Edit: I think it's weird to get offended at this question being asked. It's not like it tagged people. If it annoyed me too much, I'd simply ignore it and/or block the poster. Wanting to understand the perspective of other people is good, actually.
Edit: I think if I was AFAB I'd either be butch or fully transmasc and still prefer women because dicks are still gross. Obviously my current perspective is deeply socially conditioned, so that speculation means nothing, but there it is.
When I was younger, my parents thought I was going to be homosexual because I was experimenting with girl toys, hair ties, and such. I also typically sat with the girls at school during lunch and usually got along with them more than the boys. I wanted to know what it was like being a girl. I later grew out of it, but being autistic, I actually don't mind being feminine in different ways. Nevertheless, I still identify as a man because that's simply how I feel and am comfortable with. I am heterosexual and probably demisexual. I never really decided my gender just as a nonbinary person never did. Some of us may be conditioned, but it is important to note that the nonbinary population makes up a small percentage of the world. Most people are comfortable with being their gender, binary or nonbinary.
I recommend this video regarding gender noncomformity in cisgender autistic people: https://yewtu.be/watch?v=4Jl2a36g0r0
I am for gender abolition as well. Gender, race, etc. are used as and have originated as tools to divide the working class.
This is what I wrote for my lemmygrad.ml application
Gender is a social construct that emerges within the framework of capitalist societies. Gender roles and relationships are not natural or fixed but are instead shaped by the material conditions and economic relations of a given society. Gender inequality is deeply intertwined with class exploitation. The capitalist mode of production relies on the reproduction of a gendered division of labor, where women are often relegated to unpaid domestic work and caregiving roles. This division of labor not only serves to maintain a cheap and exploitable labor force but also reinforces patriarchal power structures.
Capitalism thrives on creating and exploiting divisions within the working class, including divisions based on gender and sexuality. The capitalist system perpetuates heteronormativity, reinforcing the dominant heterosexual norms and marginalizing LGBTQIA+ individuals. This is done through mechanisms such as excluding LGBTQIA+ individuals from job opportunities, denying them legal rights and protections, and stigmatizing non-normative gender identities and sexual orientations.
The struggle for gender and LGBTQIA+ liberation is inherently linked to the broader class struggle against capitalism. Marxists argue that true liberation requires the overthrow of the capitalist system, which perpetuates gender and sexual oppression for the sake of profit. They advocate for a socialist society where gender and sexuality are no longer exploited and marginalized but are liberated from the constraints imposed by capitalism.
Marxists should support the LGBTQIA+ community and their struggles for equality and liberation. They view LGBTQIA+ rights as an integral part of the broader struggle against oppression and exploitation. By challenging the gender and sexual norms imposed by capitalism, Marxists aim to create a society where individuals are free to express their gender identities and sexual orientations without fear of discrimination or marginalization.
To me gender means nothing but anatomy. Identifying as a different gender doesn't even give you more social freedom to self express. Society perceives your anatomy and if your self expression clashes with your anatomy in a manner which makes homophobes think you're gay, you're in danger because of this, not gender.
I was always told I was a boy, and it just felt correct, never do I not see a male figure in the mirror nor feel feminine/girly, and I am for the most part "manly" in the way I go about my life. I'm quite fortunate that I don't see the need to pontificate on the issue very much.
It's interesting to think about, I believe it stems from whatever perspective of gender roles you grew up in- especially division of chore labour lol- and probably others my ignorant cis ass is unaware of, but you still are affected by how others work within their views so even in a much more fluid upbringing, your immediate community plays a huge role.
HOME LIFE
I had a split family for the middle of my childhood, the age where I really began to question life as is, and thus very different perspectives.
In Both houses I was the eldest son. In my main home with my mother, we didn't have a father figure in the later years, but she was all hippie dippie and gender roles only came into place in practice when i had to do grunt work or my older sister cleaned up. For the most part we never really had chores, we all severe ADHD and , I'm slightly embarrassed to say this word, trauma. But when shit goes down I'm the one who has go deal with stuff, and in that sense I'm considered masculine as I am seen as expendable. It does hurt when I have gripes with my mother, and only because shes the authority figure and - like most people- is a mixed bag of good and bad qualities, she puts my genuine issues with her in the box of "misogynistic hatred". So I never had gender roles until it was productive to put at my expense. The other houses was pretty Nuclear, with my father and stepmom, (tho my Father and gender could be a chapter on its own) I was the kid who had to clean up poop and pee and mow the lawn, but respect was always an us and them with the step siblings with us being the underlings. I hated that house and was the middle child, they always had this cast of me being awkward introvert but really I tried to get away from them as much as possible lol. And thus I was sort of taunted for my lack of masculine aggression by my older sisters and stepmom.
SCHOOL DAYS
I was a very... different child. I was wild, but as caring as I was crazy. The stereotypical spikey hair blonde ADHD boy, didn't get an official diagnosis til covid as my dad didn't want a label but im sire everyone knew. I sorta had a group of guy friends around elementary school, but I ended befriending the warrior Cats kids, not really held together by gender as more our autism. That was my main group up till highschool, not much about roles other than my friend making a bunch of incel comments, she later came out as trans so what do you do lol. She'll come up later if I care to write the sexuality portion ;). I was defacto the only guy in the group but none of them were really gender presenting except for a cis girl. During all of this I was always that kid who would talk to anyone, but once highschool came I drifted from that friend group and into the new uncharted sea of hundreds of people I could meet, I was ecstatic.
I say I would talk to anyone but more and more my friends tended women rather than men, I always felt more comfortable with them, more emotional and mentally stimulating. In the beginning I was always teased by my friends for being their gay best friend or whatever, but as puberty completed during covid I became actually pretty masculine presenting, taller broader suddenly muscular, and became somewhat of a flirt. Never really dated or went on dates but I would dazzle with words so to say. Here I really felt cemented in a masculinity. Though boyfriends certainly weren't shaking in their boots lol.
I also had to deal with girls, especially when we were younger, saying I was the one good man or something, made me uncomfortable being idealized like that.
Guys never made fun of me or anything strangely, I was very loud and never had that self consciousness in the teenage way. I do have a tendency to get giggly around men, take the role of a SpongeBob, and I find myself complementing guys because it never happens to us and I like giving a genuine compliment. And so I was never really self conscious about bro and dude stuff, but feminity isn't something I ascribe to or even care about. Infact most of the people in my life who had gender roles on me were cis women but that could also be because most of the people in my life ARE women. I think I'm too extreme of an individual to get your average view point but it's interesting none the less.
SOCIETY AS A WHOLE
Being a cis boy raised lacking gender roles and having the world defaulting as masculine. I never really HAD to think about presenting my gender, it just was. I knew of those cartoonish Manospheres but they seemed so out of touch ideologically i never really ascribed to it. I knew of gender but I didn't know them personally. So I don't really care for the extremes but still sometimes think about feel uncomfortable with the idea of being a woman, but not in the girls have cuties way. Gender expression does make me wonder if young men trying to present masculine is toxic or is it the specific trends of those communities, I'm sure someone much smarter could answer.
I think it's also interesting too, being raised immersed only in English, gender isn't really something I think about, and I'm interested to see if dysphoria rates are higher in places where the language has stricter gender grammar.
I think some people in this thread underestimate the role of socialization. It’s interesting how many cis people don’t have to think much about gender and just feel they are in default position. Personally I almost feel in “default” as an enby.
I'm too busy not wanting to have a body or expression to think of which gender this body should express itself as. To be fair, I'm not sure if this counts as cis, but it's similarly easy.
This video by Vihart encapsulates my feelings on gender pretty well.
But on the "straight" part, attraction is a very complicated thing. Lots of people will never or hardly ever feel any sexual attraction to people of a gender for a myriad of reasons.
And I suppose that, for a lot of cis people here, they actually like the role at least a little bit. Considering how toxic the enforcement of those roles are, I think we should also cherish our cis comrades who feel the most comfortable in them while being receptive of trans people and being good people in general.
Nothing wrong with being cis, just with being an asshole about it.
Edit: I couldn't tell it wasn't actually serious.
I don't understand gender but society says that everyone must be gendered so here we are
When I was younger I had long hair and usually 2 or 3 days of growing beard. It was good enough and low maintenance. I liked the efficiency of it.
I'm balding and got a dense beard. It's good enough and low maintenance, I like the efficiency of it.
But I don't move like a cis guy, I don't sit like a cis guy. I like yoga and crystals. I like videogames and cooking. I fucking hate the gym, and don't really like practicing sports. I'm happy to act generally gender fluid, but I have no attraction to guys, so I never felt the urge to experiment with it.
So. I'm a person, I keep tidy with low maintenance and that's generally good enough to get the attention from the people I'm interested in. Low effort wins.
If it was as easy and complete to change sex/gender as it is in The Culture novel series I might change at least once just to see, but as things are right now such changes would be too much work and the result might leave a lot to be desired if I don't already have a "desire"/"instinct" (not sure about the right word to use) to do such a thing, specially with current technologies.
Of course I’m cis. My pappy was cis, my pappy’s pappy was cis, and his pappy before him was all cis. /S. Tbh tho I don’t feel like I identify as a girl or even non-male at all. I’m straight and cis and never had anything that really bothered me about it or made me question it.
I think about what it would be like to be the opposite gender, but it's not a very strong feeling. It's just me wondering what life is like for the other side. I also think that it would be too much trouble to accomplish a gender change, so just that fact tells me that I'm not actually trans. I don't even think of myself as male most of the time. I'm me before I'm part of a category that includes almost half of the world's population.
Yea I dont think Monosexuals exist either. There are just different grades of bi.
sunk cost fallacy
I like and am comfortable with my masculinity and other aspects of myself as an AMAB person.
That's the best explanation I can give.
I'm gay as fuck tho lol
Because being the agender I generally feel inside is effort I'd rather spend elsewhere I guess. Gender is performative. I'd rather not perform at all, but there's no such thing as not performing, an unperformance. So I passively perform the identity put upon me, feeling powerless to step outside of my experience nor how society experiences me.
Heteronormativity doesn't make sense to me. To my subrational mind, everyone possesses an ungendered essence, which is filtered through and expressed by social and physical constructs like gender and whatnot. Merely signs or signifiers for the essence that is the person with whom a connection might be made.
Rationally I don't think these conceptions are particularly true, but they kind of describe how I subconsciously understand the world.