482
submitted 2 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[-] [email protected] 95 points 2 months ago

That is so much money to entrust to one turtle

[-] [email protected] 44 points 2 months ago

Its not money until the turtle finds a way to fence it

[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

Where I’m from cocaine is the same, if not better, than money.

[-] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

Vending machines wont take my cocaine

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

With cocaine you can easily obtain multiple vending machines of your own.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Cocaine can be exchanged for goods and vending machines.

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[-] [email protected] 77 points 2 months ago

These Cocaine Bear sequels are getting weird.

[-] [email protected] 17 points 2 months ago

Unlike the original, of course.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Yes, a cinematic masterpiece soon to be on the criterion collection!

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Cocaine Orca gonna slap tho

[-] [email protected] 38 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 30 points 2 months ago

Oh, so the turtle was unemployed, after all

Good to hear she didn't turn to the path of crime

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

No no no.

The turtle is employed; they work for the cops.

[-] Honytawk 5 points 2 months ago

That is what the turtle wants you to think

[-] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago

The Coast Guard sure has some funky math.

seized 7 tons of cocaine worth over $135 million

But this 1800 lbs is worth $53mil?

They're just making up these numbers

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Of course they are. The whole war on drugs is made up.

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

That's just a maritime ton

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

it's worth nothing until you realize the gains

[-] [email protected] 37 points 2 months ago

$48 Million worth of Cocaine was found strapped to a turtle? Incredible.

[-] [email protected] 29 points 2 months ago

Crazy they found $40 million worth of cocaine on this turtle. Where could it have gotten the $35 million of cocaine from?

[-] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago

Crazy someone would attach 30 million worth of cocaine to a turtle.

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

I'm sure there will be an astute amount of investigation on the 20 million worth of cociane floating with the turtle

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

Yep gotta know where the 15 million worth of cocaine came from .

[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

$10 million worth of cocaine?

Get out a here with that nonsense!

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[-] [email protected] 35 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

The cutter Thetis is part of Operation Martillo — an international effort launched in 2012 to target drug trafficking routes along the Central American coast.

In its most recent patrol, the operation seized 7 tons of cocaine worth over $135 million, according to a release by the Coast Guard.

And the War on Drugs™ continues its neverending game of Whack-a-mole®

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

*Whack-a-turtle

FTFY

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[-] [email protected] 31 points 2 months ago

I bet the turtle approached them thinking they're possible mates.

Size and shape roughly fit.

They're not too picky about what they hump.

[-] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago

I didn't know Mitch McConnell was running errands for Trump Jr!

[-] [email protected] 24 points 2 months ago

From now on, we need to refer to all water traveling drug smugglers as drug turtles instead of drug mules.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago

Did I ever tell you the time we found a turtle with $50 million worth of cocaine attached to it?

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Wow, how did the turtle get that $45 million of coke?

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Not sure, but we gave the $40 million worth of cocane to the FDA.

[-] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago

Next time, give the turt a couple bumps off the coke so it can outrun the cops.

[-] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago

The turtle has been found guilty, and sentencing will take place in September.

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

These mandatory minimum sentences are getting out of hand.

[-] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Turtle powder

[-] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

animalsthatgotfiredfromtheirjobs

[-] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

The DEA turtle !

[-] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Turtle. Holding. Big time.

[-] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

You all jest - and fair enough.. but dude.. this just makes me so sad :( that poor turt didn't sign up for this shit

[-] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Did they at least give him a trial?

[-] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Steady pace wins the face candy.

[-] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

On it's way to a cowabunga party.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago
[-] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

He is the party dude.

[-] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

He can’t go down with 2 barrels!

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this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2024
482 points (98.6% liked)

Animals with Jobs

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