"Hahah, oh The Onion, you sure have run out of ideas, this article didn't even have a punchline."
It was then that Muse realized it was in fact, not The Onion.
When I didn't see The Onion as the source, it just wouldn't compute for a minute. I did a double-take.
I pictured his bowels flying out of his nose and mouth. Makes sense what happened to the poor guy.
Same. Popping open an incision is somehow a relief compared to what I was picturing.
Honestly, a part of me was a bit disappointed that's not what it was. I was so invested and curious to learn why that could even happen, only to find it didn't.
Glad he's ok-ish, though.
Yeah. I don't want to say I'm disappointed, because that would suck even more for the guy, but I will say I'm a little underwhelmed.
Also, what's with that insane autoplay video in the article using stock video footage to tell the story? Have we sunk so low?
The headline makes it sound way worse than what happened. Dude is fine, just reopened a surgical wound with some bulging.
The headline sounds like he blew his guts out of his nose.
See, I pictured out he blew out his poop chute
That would be hilarious to see. Vomit-inducing and nightmarish, but hilarious.
Yep that's some title gore... I was trying to figure out how the hell that could even happen...
I try to read all the articles I post but for this one I noped out after 1 sentence. Enjoy!
I gotchu.
Bro had prostate cancer at some point and the article says they removed his bladder. The "surgical wound" is likely ~~a permanent ostomy, where the internal ureters (which no no longer have a bladder to drain into) are redirected right out of the abdominal wall (there's usually a bag taped on to catch the urine)~~. I forgot they usually just drain them into the intestines if you still have them, which is why they were involved in this. Anyway, my guy was doing well and they were pretty sure he was healed up, but age and possibly chemo both slow healing and doctors (like the rest of us) aren't perfect. Because he was pretty sure he was healed up, he went to breakfast to celebrate, and happened to sneeze. Sneezing raises pressure in the abdomen, and busted his intestines right out of that almost healed wound. The article correctly refers to this as "wound dehiscence (opening) and evisceration (the bowels protruding)."
In nursing school, they actually teach you specifically what to do about this specific occurrence. First you sit the patient all the way up and honestly leaning forward over their legs a little. This takes pressure off the abdominal skin so it doesn't tear any further than it has. Then you cover the wound in sterile gauze soaked in sterile saline. If you have an abdominal surgery that has dehiscence and evisceration as possible complications, you likely will not have access to sterile gauze or sterile saline on you at all times, especially not if you've gotten far enough into recovery to be going to brekkie, but any reputable surgeon will be happy to provide their own specific instructions as to how to manage the situation until the EMTs arrive, which I encourage you to follow.
Nope, I can’t hear you plugs ears
I’m just a bit too squeamish for the details
Sounds like the guy is ok :)
Hate when that happens
Basically doctors fucked up and removed staples too soon. They did this to my ex after our second son was born. Took the staples out and she almost died from sepsis.
I just had surgery a few weeks ago that included robot arms going into my tummy. A few days ago I sneezed for the first time since and immediately screamed in pain. Sneezes are weirdly hard on the body it seems
People have legit broken ribs from sneezing, also at least a few cases of snapping their own spines. I just discombobulate myself evertime I sneeze, getting punched in the face doesnt even do that.
Yikes x.x
I've never broken a rib but I do have a problem rib that likes to pop out of place sometimes. Usually from coughing but I've managed it a couple times from sneezes
I've got somewhat oversized lungs - not like a medical condition, just what you could call "leather lungs." So when I sneeze, it's sometimes actually painful. It kinda sucks.
They are nasal orgasms so it checks out
New fear unlocked
At least you won't have that particular problem again until you read about somebody who sneezed someone else's intestines out of his body.
…new fear unlocked.
Don't sneeze
Goddammit, Jeff. You're gonna make us read this?!
Just. Goddammit.
“I also propose that we put a warning on all horseradish that clearly states that if you ingest an entire bottle, that you will blow out your sphincter. Also, if anyone knows anyone that recently died with an intact size 3 sphincter, please contact me as I am currently very low on the waiting list for a donor.”
Stan Smith? The tennis guy/sneaker icon?
I remember when a relative still had a feeding tube they were leaving in just in case and he accidently yanked it out. I believe we put paper towels and blue tape over it and he called the doctor. the doctor was like 'oh it's self sealing it's fine' and my relative was all 'doc....please look at it...' so we took him in and he got a proper bandage and told it did in fact look fine.
This poor florida man....
Damn that must have been traumatic. I hope all goes well for him
new phobia unlocked!
Always on the lookout for new irrational fears!
That might be the most Florida Man article I have ever seen. Bravo.
This is how I'm going to go, when the time comes
... not the onion?
Shat his heart out
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