this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 48 comments
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[–] [email protected] 159 points 1 month ago (3 children)

"The hotel was perfect but the weather was bad." 3/5

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 month ago (1 children)

that's the essence of many reviews unfortunately ha

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Sometimes for gits and shiggles, I'll check the one star reviews for things I know are going to trip inexperienced people up.

Like... It's basically the "substituted flour with powdered eggplant and milk with tobacco sauce, 1/10 tasted horrible but I followed the recipe exactly" meme

Especially anything with DIY properties. "doesn't work, connected to the battery and it immediately blew up" when it's clear from the picture they hooked a 48v battery into a 12v speed controller. Or cut some wires they weren't supposed to. Or reversed polarity of an important component. Or....

And rather than admit they fucked it up, they give bad reviews.

I particularly like when the listing is clearly for something that requires assembly, and bad reviews complain it came "in pieces". READ, YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKERS

And if you see a bunch of bad grammar, and inconsistent specs in a listing.... Maybe don't put too much faith in the $5 item that would cost $100 if you bought it from a licensed and certified source with quality assurance...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What meme? I can't find anything because it just keeps showing me eggplant recipes.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

The meme is people replacing ingredients with others and complaining when it doesn't work

https://www.reddit.com/r/ididnthaveeggs/

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's probably great, but UPS lost it. 1/5. Would be 0/5 if I could give 0.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Just arrived today and looks great but haven't had a chance to try it yet. 5/5

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why do they use [FedEx/UPS/USPS]?! [FedEx/UPS/USPS] can never find my house! [FedEx/UPS/USPS] is the WORST shipping service of all of them! Product is amazing though.

-three separate one-star reviews

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

POV: 3 separate 1-star reviews are as good as one 3-star review

[–] [email protected] 69 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 68 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I can give myself a handjob. You want that fifth star you better get to suckin.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

something something Marilyn Manson something something bottom two ribs

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Meh that's an old fake story.

The guy from Whitest Kids You Know on the other hand, he fell off a balcony after successfully giving himself a blowie.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Dude was a sexual powerhouse. Rip

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

yeah iirc his will asked to be identified as "local sexpot" in the obituary.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Is that actually real? Googled it and I found the accident, but nothing about autofellatio

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He did fall from a balcony. His fellow wkuk cast members said he died sucking his own dick as their way of honoring him with humor.

https://youtu.be/glDqt6K7_D8

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Lol I forgot about drowning in his own cum.

I give those guys so much respect for going through with honoring him like that. Not many people would actually do that after a close friend dies.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Pythons showing respect for Graham Chapman's ashes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ox9bcx_LZMs

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

yeah it's probably bollocks but people of a...certain vintage can't think of stories of sucking oneself off without making the link to big Brian himself.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Yes. Here's a lovely song explaining it: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6HQgKGOFHFE

[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 month ago

One star off because the doctor is the one who hit them with a Mercedes

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 month ago (2 children)

There‘s an intrinsic bias to never (or rarely) give the maximum or minimum on a rating scale. source

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago

I don't bother writing a review unless it's a one or five star. Maybe a particularly offensive two star

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

But really! In Japan, most people do 3 stars for great service. Most good businesses have 2.5-3.5 stars.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 month ago

One way to get five star ratings would be climbing a tall building, enabling GOD MODE, and then blasting anything that moves with RPGs... At least that's how I remember GTA San Andreas

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 month ago

That 5th star was for making his life worth saving.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Saved their life, put them into crippling medical debt.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Well that's on insurance, not the doctor.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Actually it's on the hospital Chargemaster

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Either way, it's not the doctor, who's probably in crippling student loan debt. And this doctor looks young enough to have a huge amount of it.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 1 month ago

It could be on the doctor if they're in individual practice, probably aren't though

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago

Imagine seen the light, feeling the peace and the BAM... an asshole saved your life. And he thinks he deserves 5 stars. The audacity

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

A nihilist probably wouldn't leave a review, or would. Honestly, it doesn't matter.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

I worked in craft beer marketing for a while and the running joke about untapped was something like...

"Best lager I've ever had... I don't like lagers. 1 star."

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hi, nihilist here, and I would have probably left instructions to give him five stars if he was cool about it. I mean I'm not going to recommend a jerk even if I'm already dead.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Here Lies Etterra,

His doctor was a jerk. Do not recommend.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I have no idea why my Uber rating (passenger) is 4.7.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

2/5 passenger didn't listen to me talk about

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Dr. Lewis saved my life!" One star, because they wanted to die

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Did he check his whole island for weeds?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Have to do it again but this time do it under an hour.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 month ago

Beating good old amputation speedrun with 300% mortality?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Maybe it was just coincidence that the patient survived when Dr. Lewis intervened. Correlation is not causation, after all.