this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2024
118 points (99.2% liked)

chapotraphouse

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 month ago (4 children)

No one is gunning for you my guy.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Lmfao

Talk about instilling some daddy issues in a guy

"Wh-wh-why was my daddy and uncle worthy of assassination b-b-but not m-" breaks down sobbing

The secret service or someone should definitely [parody] consider doing him [parody done] so that he can die happy and go to Kennedy Valhalla. Entrance requirement is being assassinated. Ted is unfortunately in the land of mindless souls for his honorless death. RFK Jr wants to avoid such a fate

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

RFK Jr laying on the ground wheezing with a 5.56 exit wound in his back:

brainworms "F-finally... worthy... I-I'll carry on... our family legacy..." dies

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Walk without rhythm so you won't attract the worm.

---

Damn it. That's not actually the joke I wanted to make. My joke - stupid as it is - it would be fedposting. And in these insane times - I could have law enforcement literally knocking on my door tomorrow.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

I have my house packed with stuffed dogs with proximity activated sound devices that emit a very real sounding dog bark.

At least I can die laughing my ass off at the firing squad mass murder of stuffed animals in my living room immediately before I also get domed

[parody, etc]

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

I dunno if you're gonna be an assassin it kinda makes sense. Do an easy assassination on an also-ran as a warmup up so you don't messup the big one like crooks. Besides what self respecting assassin doesn't have at least one Kennedy assassination under their belt?

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He's constantly at risk of his head just doing that.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

It's the worm in his brain

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago

Lot of faith in the Secret Service's competence for a Kennedy

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago

bro who do you think you are

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago

secret service going to shoot him in the head to kill the brainworm

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

how is this guy polling at 10%? Our country is so strange.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

dynastic name recognition. the burger soul secretly yearns for england

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

DEFEND THE WORM. KEEP IT SECRET, KEEP IT SAFE.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He's not wrong, when was a time where US had a fuctioning democracy and assassinations of a president at the same time?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

when was a time where US had a ~~fuctioning~~ democracy ~~and assassinations of a president at the same time~~?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

This is a trick question tbh, functioning democracies are a few and far between

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

Also, as threats to our democracy lurk in every corner, please sign the petition to urge the White House to provide me with personal chefs and a chauffeur.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

I thought the worms were cured?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

Who would care enough to go after him? Embarrassed Kennedy family members?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago