no matter what please dont use a llm like that
this post was submitted on 16 Jul 2024
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Asked my partner who teaches prek about this. He says the best thing to do developmentally speaking is to build a leaving ritual that is comfortable and familiar for the child to help them regulate while their attachment figure is departing. 'Slipping out' avoids the struggle, but also avoids the opportunity to develop self regulation and healthy attachment.
This can be as simple as saying 'I'll be right back' when going to the bathroom. Over time, the child learns to believe it. Around 2 is tough because they start to form attachments, but still struggle with object permanence so going to the bathroom is sort of like you dying in the limited way that the child can understand it.
I taught pre-k for a few years. A leaving ritual is a must. It was something I’d put in my welcome letter to newly registered students. I also gave all my students a Start My Day binder that they’d be really excited to have their parents fill in with them at drop off. There was a part in there where parents could right the time they’d be picking up their kid(s) too.
My toddler sometimes has very big feelings when mommy leaves for work even with a well-established ritual. Because they love mommy a lot, I mean I do too you know? My partner has had to “slip out” a few times when she’s running late. It’s ok. Life happens. Give yourself some grace without it being the norm.
This is an important point! It's impossible to be perfect all the time, and that is not a realistic or helpful expectation for anyone. But if you can get the routine and structure in place to do it right in general, the foundation for a healthy happy can be laid.
I once tried to trick my son into ending bathtime by letting the water drain and the bewildered heartbreak at the water suddenly being gone haunts me.
Now whenever someone or something he likes is about to go away I give ample warning ahead and tell him to say bye-bye and we wave bye-bye. He doesn't enjoy it any more for it, but he braces for a goodbye and understands much more quickly that something is over or someone is gone and accepts it much sooner.
Yeah it feels a bit callous playing ruses on children. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
I have zero young child caretaker experience, so maybe I'm just talking as an idealist. My parents did this shit when we were under 4, left us with siblings under 9, and it was pandemonium. Maybe my parents needed to de-stress, but fuck usually it was to go to a party. It was very unlike the few times my parents actually did hire babysitters that were 16 and above, which went super well. I hold a massive grudge against my parents for doing this to this day.
Nowadays I teach teenagers. Granted, it's a job. But if I left kids alone I could get sacked.
To repeat what the other user commented, I don't know the kid and their needs. But I'd be dang grateful if someone told of my parents back in the day, regardless of the drama.
Mine is only 1 year but sometimes when I have to leave him alone momentarily in his crib or playpen to go to another room, I'll do a few peekaboos at the door before i go so he just waits expecting the next peek instead of freaking out about me walking away
Sometimes when my partner is leaving the room I'll just distract him with some stimulus so he doesn't notice/focus on them leaving, like that?
Yeah like that
Idk at this point it's just a matter of practicality, he can't really get "brb" yet (ig except peekaboo sort of), but what @[email protected] said about developing a "leaving ritual" sounds like very good advice for next steps