this post was submitted on 27 Jul 2024
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politics

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top 50 comments
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[–] [email protected] 112 points 1 month ago

... what a unique sentence.

[–] [email protected] 85 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Probably rug burn from the couch cushions.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Sadly, this one involves burning the testicles of actual living monkeys, and not merely engaging in private pleasures

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago

JD Couch Fucker Vance is coming for that cushion.

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[–] [email protected] 64 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Headlines are getting wild.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Dolphins, monkeys, cats, couches, no dead dogs yet.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I missed the cat thing. What did Jorkin Dapeanus Vance do to a cat?

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Preeeeettty sure his name is Jance Dance Vance, and I won't be convinced otherwise.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That looks like the titular character from Xavier Renegade Angel

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

google childless cat ladies, it's legacy.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Seems like Trump's people didn't do any digging to vet Vance, but the MAGA crowd will write it all off as fake news anyway.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Now that's it's come out that he got bullied into the JD pick by his failsons, I'm thinking they did do some digging. He just got bullied.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago

failsons

New word of the day!

Noun

An incompetent, unsuccessful middle-class or upper-class man who is protected from economic duress by his family's wealth or influence.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Also the fact that Trump only cares about himself and his growing cognitive decline means he probably had zero idea who any of the people on "his short list" even were. So when his offspring offered to make that pick for him I'm sure he was all for it, and being a raging narcissist believed it didn't even matter against Biden.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's sad how old he is. Old and quite weird.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

It’s the sequel no one wanted:

Trump term 2

2 old 2 weird

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I wish I'd contented myself with the headline on this one.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Thank you for the comment. I'll let my curiousity go unanswered and my imagination take the reins.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (4 children)

I just hate the fact that this absolute fucker has ruined the name JD. I love Scrubs.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That and the good name of Vance Refrigeration

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

What kinda business you in Bob?

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He’s not an absolute fucker unless absolute is a brand of couch.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

Before 2016 I used to use twice impeached, convicted felon ex-president 45's name a lot for context and comparison because it is short and can act as a hard emphasis word.

Not any more and I can't find a verb to replace it but I'll be damned if I give that fascist shitstain even one drop of SEO even on accident

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

AmplifyBio should rebrand to AmplifyCruelty.

Also, we're Satan-hybrids now? That's awesome! Coolest thing they've called us yet.

Vance’s investment in Rumble is more on-brand. That company hosts insidious films by anti-vaxxers, who’ve spread the conspiracy theory that Covid is not a respiratory virus, but actually snake venom added to municipal water, and that those pushing mRNA Covid vaccines want to make you “a hybrid of Satan.”

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Sign me the fuck up. Do I get demon wings? Pitchfork? It doesn't matter, I'm in dammit

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago

A Trump and Vance ticket shows that even Christians can't pretend they were really voting for Pence like last time. I don't think a worse combination is possible.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There's absolutely no proof that J.D. Vance uses burnt monkey testicles as anal beads while making love to his chaiselongue. Reports of him heating them up in a red Le Creuset cast iron skillet before insertion are pure speculation.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

There's also no proof he doesn't though so we can't say for sure

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Kristi Noem, RFK Jr, and the article mentioned Dr. Oz as well. What is with dog scandals in politics lately?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Don’t forget the dog in a crate strapped to Mitt Romney’s car roof a few years ago.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

(Emphasis mine)

Many of these animals die in the course of toxic testing exposures. Other animals are destroyed at the conclusion of testing. There are also dreadful mistakes: A lab monkey recently died after getting wedged in faulty lab equipment, and technician error left other monkeys with burns on their genitals.

What a weirdly euphemistic way to describe it. “Killed,” “put down,” or even “euthanized” would be far clearer. “Destroyed” isn’t even especially positive, but it’s just strangely vague. I get that it’s probably a term of art in the industry, but I would have put it in quotes to show that and call attention to the fact that they intentionally try to distance themselves from their actual practices.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

"Destroyed" is especially fucked up since it sounds like they're trying to distance themselves from the fact that these are real living creatures, and not inanimate objects who can't feel pain.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I used to work for a preclinical pharmaceutical company and our primary model was monkeys (macaques like rhesus and cynmolgus). We worked on drugs for cancer, Alzheimer’s, lupus, and more.

We had full time 24/7 vets, regular checkups, enrichment programs, and the techs would constantly give the animals treats and were very passionate about the most humane treatment. We got surprise inspected by the FDA and others in order to keep our GLP and AAALAC status and we worked with some major companies who would not work with us if we lost our status.

Euthanasia was a big part of many studies because they need to necropsy the animals so they can see what the drugs to do parts of the body.

This mention of “destroyed” seems much more harsh than what I experienced in the labs. Burning testicles is brutal bullshit - what the hell are they even testing?! This lab sounds like a fucking shit show!!!

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

These people are just fucking awful, top to bottom.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Is there top and bottom with couches? I'm confused.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

Even under the best of circumstances, the monkeys used in AmplifyBio’s research have short, dismal lives. This is evidenced in a study published in June in the journal PLOS Pathogens, conducted at AmplifyBio on 25 macaques. The experiment required drilling holes in the monkeys’ skulls to deliver vaccine injections directly into their brains. After a month of observation, the study records, the animals were “humanely terminated,” and their brains harvested for research.

Macaques, which the article states AmplifyBio uses, are smart enough that the stone tools they make were briefly used as evidence of human presence in south america. Their tools were close enough to human tools as to fool some experts.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

... I just want to stop learning more about this man. Everywhere you look, there's something even more fucked up than whatever you knew before.

(Jk, everyone needs to learn about him so we can win in November)

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Is there anything this man hasn’t fucked???

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

I have a turtle that I know has never been near JDs penis, but I've got him locked up since I think Vance might know this and is coming for him.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

What questions? We all know he's a terrible person to the core.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Print photos of different couches and mail them to any or all of these locations:

https://www.vance.senate.gov/office-locations/

Don’t forget to add little love notes. e.g., “Thinking of you 💋”

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

Nah, you gotta play it like you're also into couches. Something like

Get a load of the curves on this bad bitch.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Don't we all though?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Amongst other problems.

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