this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2024
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"So yeah the son of God was on earth, but you just missed him. He was crucified about 50 years ago. Your dad might've met him."

And then Mount Vesuvius fucking explodes

Edit: I meant Roman, I wrote this late at night.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (3 children)

Why am I at Pompeii if I'm Greek

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago

Southern Italy had a Greek majority until the middle ages.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago

Teaching a rich kid philosophy

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

greeks set up colonies along the entirety of the mediterranean sea from the west shore to the east and from the north to the south. They were settler-colonising in this way from around the 400s or 500s BC until they got owned by the romans

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

goldern Greeks takin all the Roman jerbs

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Wait, they are worshiping the guy that made bread and wine? Then went into a death an rebirth cycle? Are you sure they weren't confused and talking about Dionysis?

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago

Egyptian guy overhears the conversation and breaks in arguing about Osiris

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Chances are you're a follower of one of the myriad other wacky mystery cults floating around at the time anyway

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Oh, your messiah died? Mine is still alive in the next village over

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago

Oh he just died? You're telling me now for the first time

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago

I heard they're gonna be minting a new Messiah in Alexandria next week

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 months ago

Jesus is a revisionist of John the Baptistism.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

Why Greek specifically and not Roman?

Also Caesar and Cicero and some of the fall of the Republic all time greats were all crowded around this time period too. It was like MCU, but less lame

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 months ago

It was like MCU, but less lame

No matter how cringe capeshit is it will never be as cringe as the Romans.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago

IIRC people in that part of the Roman empire commonly spoke Greek because of Alexander the Great's conquest of the area centuries earlier. So you'd be more likely to run into someone bilingual in Aramaic and Greek than you would Aramaic and Latin

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago

I fucked up. It was late and my wires got crossed.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 months ago

I'd probably be most incredulous about the Virgin Birth part. "Wait your God didn't turn into a goose or something so he could bang Mary on the sly? You sure about that?"

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago

Highly recommend Engels "On the History of Early Christianity" if you haven't read it.

https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1894/early-christianity/

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

In fairness Jews were very common in the east empire and gentile "god fearers" weren't uncommon either. They'd just be a particularly annoying gentile essene offshoot.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (4 children)

I've always wondered why people were so ready to convert. Like, if I was some ancient Roman and some guy came up to me offering a new god that's even better than the old ones and much easier to worship, I wouldn't just immediately fall for it. It just seems like a scam.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

It did take a while, and I'm sure people called it a cult of Jesus or something back then too (Idk if there's evidence for that but there were many cults of Gods/demigods etc. in antiquity)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Idk, what was holding you to the other guy?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Me not getting torn apart by lions in the Arena

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

speech-r smuglord

Imagine this dude with a Centurion hat.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Dear Nazerenes if your god is so almighty why doesnt he stop me from nailing you to this cross here

debatejak

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

it seemed positive if you were a woman or enslaved.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Periodic reminder that the Roman Empire sucked, for everyone who wasn't a patrician.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

Around that time the Gospels were all like zines, really popular in the growing christo-punk scene back then