this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2024
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Mildly Infuriating

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For years now, I've been watching most of the trick-or-treaters go to the house on one side of me, take one look at my house and walk right past it, and then go to the house on the other side.

I had no clue why. Maybe they were scared of my house or thought I'd give cheap candy (my house is a bit of a fixer-upper)? I completed my "curb appeal" projects; didn't help.

Maybe they thought nobody was home? I not only have the porch light on, but also have the living room TV on, clearly visible through the (open!) front window, and it makes no difference.

Maybe they think I'm not participating (despite the clear signal of the porch light and jack-o'-lantern)? I put up a bunch of Halloween decorations this year, and it still didn't help!


Well, I finally found out the reason, after hearing one kid scouting ahead yelling to tell his friends to skip my house: "there's no bowl on the porch!"

...You've got to be fucking kidding me.

Yep, unlike my neighbors, who had apparently just left unattended bowls of candy on their porches, I was actually sitting there inside the house, with the bowl of candy, waiting for kids to knock or ring the doorbell before I opened the door and handed it out. You know, like how trick-or-treating is supposed to work.

This is ridiculous. Kids these days are skipping viable houses with candy because they can't be bothered to actually knock on the damn door and say "trick or treat" to the person who answers? Residents are expected to be too lazy to answer the door, and just put out the candy without even receiving the traditional threat first? With no actual interaction with the neighbors for the kids to show off their costumes, what's even the point‽

I finally stuck a sign on the door saying "yes, you have to knock or ring for candy!" and that helped, but even then, some kids are still skipping my house because they apparently can't be bothered to read the sign.

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[–] [email protected] 161 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (5 children)

My guess is, the kids aren't supposed to knock and interact with strangers anymore cause their parents are scared.
Some places, trick or treating has been replaced with a group of parents driving to a parking lot and their kids going from truck to truck.

[–] [email protected] 87 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

The latter has been popular in rural areas too for years, because the alternative is driving your kids from house to house. I would have made it to like 5 houses a year max if I’d tried to walk as a kid (and probably got run over, lol).

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago

We're semi-rural (multi acre lots often with houses set almost at the back of lots), this was my first Halloween out here, I was following the kids with a car cause it was cold and snowy. But apparently the other parents in the neighborhood all hang out and set up a flatbed trailer with a fire pit, lawn chairs, and beer just being hauled around by a UTV. I need to learn how to make friends as an adult.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 weeks ago

I just got back from taking one of my kids trick or treating with his friends. It was great. My wife and I got to walk and chat with the other parents while all of our kids knocked on doors and shouted "trick or treat!". Lots of friendly, generous, nice people. And lots of shouted reminders from us for the kids to not walk on people's front lawns, to say thank you, to be careful crossing the quiet roads. There were so many other kids out too. It was pretty crazy, but in a good way. About half of the houses were giving out candy in some way or other, with only about a quarter having an un-monitored bowl.

Then on the way home we drove past a church that was having a 'trunk or treat' in their parking lot. That just looked sad. There was no excitement for going up to the really cool houses that were decked out in amazing props and decorations. There was no need to hone analytical skills to determine which houses were giving out candy and which ones probably weren't. Just going very short distances from one car to the next getting candy. My kid asked why they do that. I said it's probably because they are a closed community who don't really want to associate with 'outsiders'. Give me the conventional experience over that all day every day!

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Finally, a day when it is acceptable for me to lure children into my van!

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[–] [email protected] 121 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Leave a bowl out with a sign that says "if the bowl is empty, please knock." You don't even have to fill the bowl with anything.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Classic "bait and switch" tactic. Guess OP isn't an used car's seller.

[–] ristoril_zip 25 points 3 weeks ago

hey look buddy I've got some amazing advice for OP over here but I had another OP call me 10 minutes ago asking for the exact same advice so I'm gonna need you to make a decision right away.

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[–] [email protected] 104 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

They go for the unattended bowls so they can just take it all for themselves. I dressed up as a decoration scarecrow one or two years after I was too old to trick or treat myself and held a bowl of candy in my lap out on the porch. Every kid that attempted to take the entire bowl, got a scare as I stood up and shouted scary things like "TAKE THE BOWL, I TAKE YOUR SOUL!"

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[–] [email protected] 83 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

Give out the best candy possible to the few who come by. The rumor of the amazing trove will spread. But then "run out" early so that some of them will miss out and learn the lesson for next year

[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 weeks ago

King size candy bars, give out 2 to each. Everyone always loved that guy

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Or give the option of a nice potato.

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)

At my house we get north of 200 kids every year it's decent outside. Sometimes over 250. We're talking about a kid every minute for the 3.5 hours we do it.

I just set up a table outside, invite a few friends over, drink some beers and give kids candy as they show up. Fuck having to answer the door every minute for 3.5 hours.

My older neighbors complained that the kids don't have to come up to the front door and are skipping their house because I sit outside. I felt a little guilty, but honestly sitting outside (it it's cold I get a fire pit going, not tonight tho) is much nicer. One older couple followed my lead this year and agreed. So I'm over it now. Welcome to the new world.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I do the same, minus the fire pit and friends but add in a costume. I've been a drunk pirate lately. I used to jump scares, but I find this routine more fun because, apparently, everyone is on edge and creep scares are jsit as easy

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[–] [email protected] 64 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The last time I left a bowl on my porch, literally the first group that came took all the candy and threw the bowl into my lawn. It disincentivized from doing so again.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I did this and they stole the bowl too.

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[–] [email protected] 55 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (3 children)

I put a bowl out once. The first kid that came emptied the whole lot into his bag and I had nothing left. So now I keep it inside and if they don't knock it's their loss and I get treats.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

I had a doctor's appointment on Halloween a few years ago. I was getting ready to go out, I put out a bowl of candy (nice mix of different chocolates) and went back inside to grab my purse and my test results for the doctor. I was inside for maybe 45 seconds? During which time I heard a couple kids come up to the porch, say something like "What do you think?", and a slight scuffling sound. When I exited the house about 20 seconds later, they'd scooped the entire bowl clean and disappeared.

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[–] [email protected] 47 points 3 weeks ago

Put a bowl out but in the bowl just have a sign that says "please knock"

[–] [email protected] 47 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That's just how economy works. Anyway I always hated to interact with strangers and still do.

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 3 weeks ago (11 children)

It’s a holdover from Covid. It isn’t some glaring indictment of “kids these days”. The social contract changed with Covid and will take time to go back or maybe never does.

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[–] luciferofastora 39 points 3 weeks ago

Ah yes, let's skip the social part and get right to the obligatory consumption.

I don't really care for Halloween, but I don't actively hate it either. I like seeing kids and parents in cute costumes walking around. To me, the whole point has always been one of social activity, of walking around the neighbourhood and showing off your cool costume and such. You know, the whole "reinforcing horizontal social ties" deal we've done since forever.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

That’s sad. We only leave the bowl out during the time we are out trick or treating ourselves. All trick or treating is under fire, it seems. Have you heard of trunk-or-treat? Gah. And even people who live in safe areas will like their kids into a car and go drive to some affluent neighborhood where the decorations are fancier and full size bars are being given out. I greatly value the experience of knocking on my neighbors’ doors and it’s sad to see people discount this community building experience.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

And even people who live in safe areas will like their kids into a car and go drive

Yeah, I'm annoyed about that sort of thing, too -- albeit more about the car-brained laziness of parents idling a car from house to house instead of parking and walking with their kids, rather than the class issues -- but that's a different rant.

I greatly value the experience of knocking on my neighbors’ doors and it’s sad to see people discount this community building experience.

Thanks, you said what I was thinking but struggling to express.

I think maybe I'll bring it up with my community association, to see if next year we can't make some sort of organized effort to encourage door-answering (and communicate that renewed expectation to trick-or-treaters).

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I think you're looking at it wrong. It's likely not that kids are too lazy to knock but that your neighbors are too lazy to answer the door. The kids see everyone on the street leaving bowls out and assume that if someone on the street doesn't have a bowl, then they're not doing Halloween like everyone else is.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That's not it at all. Literally, my children told me, "I don't want to go up, I just want to go to the houses with bowls". But it's not a lazy thing, it's a social anxiety thing. We don't chat with strangers, we don't make small talk with people we don't know, we don't ask people things we can find out without asking people things. We're socially awkward parents and we have socially awkward children.

Millennials, the ones who would much rather text than call on the phone their dearest friends and closest relatives, are 35-40 years old. They're the ones with halloweening children and those kids are just ask averse to face to face interactions with neighborhood residents as we are.

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 weeks ago (9 children)

We sit on the porch and pass it out.

This year we offered candy or pickle. We went through a gallon jar of pickles!

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago

A few years back, I handed out candy for friends while they took their kids around the neighborhood, and a group of kids jokingly asked for potatoes. I obliged and grabbed them each a potato from the pantry.

When my friends came back, the potato house was apparently the talk of the kids in the neighborhood.

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[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

LOL put a ginormous bowl on your porch with a sign in it that says RING BELL FOR CANDY

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

The last time I was handing out candy at my old neighborhood, kids would ring the doorbell but then they'd just stand there and stare at me until I handed them candy. You're supposed to say "trick or treat"!

Now I live in an apartment, so I don't get trick-or-treaters. (I have candy just in case, but nobody ever knocks.) My roommate went to hang out with his sister and hand out candy at her place, and apparently their neighborhood has decreed that trick-or-treating ends at 7 sharp now so that nobody is out after dark? I don't get it. I thought staying out late (and, for teens, potentially unsupervised) was part of the fun!

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago

I sit on the porch with the bowl, it's nice to see them walking around. It's easier for both parties, and I can dress up too.

I think it's because fewer houses are doing it, mostly. But I don't understand skipping very decorated houses, and honestly wouldn't leave out a bowl of candy here.

The sitting on the porch thing is traditional here now (my mom sat inside but I'm over 50 now and since being old enough to be on the treating side have always sat out with the candy and that's more usual as far as I can tell) Though my kids always did go up and try if a light was on outside.

Maybe they are also a little more sensible too, lol - a princess last night looked in the bowl and said, nah there's nothing I like, happy Halloween. My kids would have taken some anyway and traded it around, but it is always too much by the time they are done.

Overall I agree, they should yell TRICK OR TREAT but am glad nobody is, like egging your house if you don't have a treat for them.

[–] aniki 28 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

I didn't get a single knock last night.

Spooky decorations, LED candles, WLED providing backup lighting, 12 XL Hershey bars with frozen Snickers as backup.

Not. One. Knock.

Fuck em -- we'll be eating smores all winter. 🤷

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Is it only me who is surprised that they have a scout to optimise the process?

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 weeks ago

Me and some friends of mine went out “reverse trick or treating” tonight, we carried around a door knocking at houses and giving them candy, and doing the same for any trick or treaters, that kind of thing. We were really disappointed by how few people we saw, and a majority of the houses in the area just had bowls. It made us feel quite sad actually.

I think we were just in an older neighborhood, full of mostly empty nesters with a few younger couples. I hope anyways. There’s a part of me that’s worried that Halloween is like a dying holiday I guess, but maybe that’s just because I’ve gotten older and have a different perspective. Who knows.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Its probably a covid relic or something. Kids knock on my house when I'm not even there cause I have my own kids (and yes, I leave a bowl outside and they still knock)

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago

That seems plausible, except that I've been living here since long before COVID and have been suffering a lack of trick-or-treaters the entire time.

Actually, that reminds me of another failed hypothesis: when I first moved in, the neighborhood was just starting to gentrify and was still a little rough, so at first I figured the lack of trick-or-treaters was due to the lack of families with children in the neighborhood in general. Plenty of 'em now, though.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

When the weather is nice like it is this year, we put a table and chairs out on our driveway and decorate it. We sit there and have a drink and pass out candy. It's more fun than answering the door, and we end up chatting with neighbors and parents. Our next door neighbors did the same thing as us this year, and it was even more fun, as they were right next to us hanging out.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago

That's so weird. When I used to trick-or-treat (not murican so it was different ofc, and also we went to apartment doors instead of houses) I always assumed that if someone had a candy bowl it was just because they weren't home that night, and I think I preferred it when they answered the door and gave us the candy themselves. It was nice to show off my costume and perhaps even get a compliment from an adult pretending to be scared.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 weeks ago

Do you live in a sketchy area? That hasn't been my experience at all. We had 90 kids in total knock on our door yesterday for trick or treat!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Not my experience. When I've had no decorations, my house was mostly skipped. When I put a few out with lights on, I got plenty of knocks and rings from both little kids with parents and young teens. And when I was cooking dinner one time, a teen could smell it and asked if they could have some, LOL. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago

150 chocolate bars gone! And they had to ring the bell. Its a good neighbourhood for this.

If it came to skipping my house because no bowl, I'd skip Halloween altogether.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

In our neighborhood a lot of families set up a fire pit in the driveway and hang out passing out candy. It's something we hadn't seen before moving into our neighborhood and we love it.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

I went out with my kids and we went to a few houses actually that had lights on outside and inside, told my kids to go to the door and knock, waited a minute or so, and nothing. This was maybe half-a-dozen houses, so it’s not always a given that just knocking on the door will get results. The new “normal” is that people are either waiting outside to hand out candy or they’re leaving bowls out for kids to help themselves. Knocking on the door for trick or treating is a crapshoot and it’d be understandable why most kids will skip that. Compared to other houses, it’s more effort for potentially no reward, or, even if there is a reward, it’s the same as every other house.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago

Everyone in my area stays outside, no matter the weather. No kids knock on any doors. Also, no one leaves out a bowl, that shit would be gone in minutes. But people are outside with portable fire rings, music, some have cocktails for the adults. It's the only night of the year all of the neighbors are outside and socializing. Honestly it's great.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

You are if course right and they are wrong. But it's possible they learned this by being yelled at by some curmudgeon who sits at home with their lights on, watching TV on Halloween but screaming at anyone who dares ask for candy. And at all the houses with kids, who welcome them, the parent is out chaperoning their little tribe. Ergo bowl. I say parent because of course they're all divorced by the time the kids are walking.

How to teach them right? Put a sign on your gatepost, not at the door, easily seen from the street. Remember, if they're under 3rd grade they're still learning to read, so keep it simple:

RING BELL FOR CANDY! 🎃🍫🍭🍬👻

Once they do that, you can remind them to say Trick or Treat, and/or admire their costumes.

Baby steps.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I took my kids out, one is almost 3 and the other is just over a year. So few houses in our neighborhood had ANY appearance of anyone home, let alone participating that it took nearly two hours to get about 15 houses. In a pretty standard suburb. At least two houses that were heavily decorated had nobody home and no bowl out. Two also had colorful lights but when we knocks on the door they looked confused when there were two toddlers yelling at them. One just shut the door in our face and the other sort of stood there for a minute with his mouth agape and finally said “I don’t have anything”. I mentioned to that guy that he MIGHT want to turn his lights off or there would be kids all night, but walking past at the end of our evening, all his lights were on still.

I left a bowl on my porch and had two small groups of respectful kids each take a couple pieces each (video doorbells have changed the game a little).

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