askchapo

winning 270 electoral college votes

Basketball. Which might not sound like a big deal, but when you're tall like me, everyone wants you for the team. I can dribble, and I can pass (hot damn, can I pass) but I can't shoot worth a damn and the most charitable thing anyone ever said about my defensive skills is that they're "technically not illegal."

Worse too is that it's not like I'm bad at sports. They probably saw me making a decent go at baseball or soccer and thought "Even if he's bad, we can teach him." They could not.

Sorry, fellow jocks. Basketball just ain't for me.

Skateboarding. I tried learning how to Ollie for like an entire summer in highschool. I don't think I got the board off the ground once

Reading and writing poetry. Nothing makes me question my humanity more than seeing people be genuinely moved by poetry.

Happy for people that appreciate it, but it makes me feel like I’m an unfeeling brute more than anything else. This is a picture of me trying to understand poetry.

My use of simile sucks like the morning sun.

Punctuality. Putting things away after using them. Remembering where I put my phone after putting it down in front of me one second ago. Calling you on your birthday. Opening my Mail and responding to it.

Took me 25 years to recognize I had ADHD.

On a lighter note: Chess. Hate that fucking game. Makes me feel stupid everytime I look at a board. Everything is fine and suddenly your queen is hanging and your opponent gives you a smug look, as in "did you really miss that?".

Learning languages.

It just never comes together for me.

Math

i'm pretty bad at motivation to change my current financial situation. You know, the whole hustle culture and everything? Get more money, better your position, etc, that kind of shit.

Like I am completely content in whatever kind of shit is thrown at me and don't feel any need to "better" it, as long I have a comfortable bed and food. I really am just a beast that wears pants.

The only thing that has made me "progress" through life is partners, and wanting better for them. So I've made career changes for their benefit but if it was just me I could really be the embodiment of that meme of a picture of a lone chair and tv/gaming console inside an empty ass apartment that says "dudes will live like this and see nothing wrong"

dudes rock

Actively using a map, protractor, and compass to navigate myself around on foot in non-urban environments. Having a general gyst of being able to navigate when there's big fucking landmarks nearby to triangulation off of is one thing, but drop me in a forest in the middle of nowhere and the best I got is navigating by figuring out the direction the sun and moon are going.

Drawing. Even my stick figures look terrible.

posting

I cannot make my handwriting nice for the life of me. Legible will have to do

Arts and crafts. Like, if I have to glue something it will definitely be messy. I can't sow for shit. Can't cut things in a straight line, ever.

If the need to do this sort of thing arises, I hand it off to someone else.

Making money

Several people have told me I have "an interesting speaking pattern". lol

Videogames. As someone trying to get into it competitively, i still struggle to achieve any sort of consistency in results. It's been 2 years and i still can't beat most of my friends, much less the rest of the scene.

Golf. I've played scrambles (you play as a team of like 3 and just use the best ball for the next hit) with friends and I usually tell them I'll just putt. Otherwise 9/10 balls will end up in the rough or a hazard.

I am extremely bad at games that require precise combos and punish button mashing. Fighting games and those Platinum Games type stylistic hack and slash especially.

growing mushrooms. they always fucking die

I am the least flexible person I know. I try to stretch every day and I'm reasonably athletic, but I have never been able to touch my toes. I also suck at following directions and building things from directions. Why must I fail at every attempt at masonry?

Roller skating and ice skating.

Every time I've tired I just fall on my ass. My ex loved both and kept trying to teach me but I kept eating it.

Everything, lately :(

I was going to say bowling too. We could have the lowest scoring game of all time!

Being quiet and remembering to be quiet when it's time to be quiet. I loud.

FPS games are a big one for me too. Just absolutely dogshit, it's embarassing.

Imagining 3d spaces or objects in my head. Makes me suck at directions as well as designing buildings in Minecraft.

getting by

Chess. Probably because I just don't give a fuck.

i'm so bad at drawing, yet I was a graffiti writer for like 10 years.

I am really good at writing 1 word. tyvm.

I suck at playing video games. which is why I don't do it.

I suck at many sports.

I suck at being outgoing and social.

I suck at being a good person sometimes.

Sports (I have bad eye-leg/hand coordination so I was always bad at ball games)

FPS games (probably the same reason)

Posting (I am just not particularly funny, and I never remember to post the occasional insight I have)