"I'm sorry for your loss. Move on."
"It's not like you've lost a pen, is it? It's so much worse... Would you like a pen? I have a spare one. ...Please take it."
this post was submitted on 22 Dec 2024
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I'm so sorry, here, it's Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times.
All of them, this is a QuickTime event. You have to feel out what they're looking for. You have to hit the buttons in order and with the right timing
First - that sucks. Show empathy and active listening, see if they have more to say. Let them get it out
Next - you have to decide, are they more upset, or more stressed
Upset - story time, show sympathy. Keep it light on the details, and don't try to draw comparisons - keep it at the emotional level.
Then advice time - again, keep it brief and vague
Stressed - advice, lay out options rapid fire and see if they latch onto any. If they don't, story time - tell them about similar situations, without drawing emotional comparisons, where you got past it more easily than expected
"That's rough buddy."
Thanks zuko
"Cool story bro, did I ever tell you about that time I took an arrow to the knee?..."
"You know as someone who grew up with no food and a dirt floor I can relate. Growing up my mother died and I was often beaten by my father."
Relateable, I once had a blanket that didn't totally cover me. Toes or shoulder coverage only. We are truly brothers in suffering
“What can I do to help?”
"Its not that bad stop being a pussy" Works 30% of the time everytime.
Pussies are pretty tough though. Balls on the other hand ... too warm, too cold, don't touch me, you'll hurt me. :)
“I can’t say I would’ve known what to do, had I been in your position.”
“I can only imagine what that must have been like for you, which understandably likely isn’t of much consolation to you.”
“It would be disingenuous of me to presume to know what it was like for you to have experienced what you endured, but I am happy to listen to what you have to say, if you wish to tell me.”
"Cool story, bro"
The most sarcastic, yet relatable response to any conversation not involving you (or me).
And then what happened?
That must be really hard for you.
Wow. You don’t deserve that.
How do you feel about it now?
Ugh. That sounds awful.
You’re handling this better than I would.
How do you even respond to that?
Tell me about it.
What can I do to help?
You’ve got this, but I’m here.
Edit: I wrote the above to illustrate how many options there are in the parlance of active listening. The formula is simple: imagine how they feel and join their side or, if you can’t yet imagine, ask questions until you can. That’s it.
Look at mister "I leave the basement twice a week" over here
In the land of the ~~blind~~ awkward the ~~one eyed~~ I dunno less awkward I guess man is king
Legend
Thanks, man. I needed that.
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"Stop trauma dumping on me, do I look like a licensed therapist?"
Conversely:
And how did that make you feel?
That sucks.
"Frankly, you brought this all on yourself" usually resolves it quickly, in my experience.
Ah drawing aggro like a true tank.
Hello, we'd like to offer you a position as police chief in a neighborhood that will statistically have a school shooting soon.
That sucks.
"Be careful how you treat people when you're on top, they're the ones you need to catch you if you fall"
4: "I can help you hide the body if you want."
Haha, glad I learnt of this parody journal. There's also the Journal of Immaterial Science for anyone interested.
This is slowly being replaced by 👍ing or ❤️ing the message. No actual words needed.
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I can't tell whether this is supposed to be advice on what to do or not. I can certainly see people getting upset at all of them for putting your feelings and perspective at the forefront however.
That sucks. Definitely push the last one. This happened to me one time in band camp
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Tell a related story is best choice because it shows that you really feel what that person is coming through since you've came through similar situation yourself
that's what neurodivergent people do to show sympathy - very often unknowingly. folks sometimes think we do that to get the attention for ourselves, but it's just a long winded way of saying "i understand what you feel, you're not alone in your pain"
I learned this a few years ago and my mind was blown because I'm autistic and this is indeed my instinct. I have also found that neurodivergent people are more likely to respond positively to an anecdote.
Neurotypical people tend to react better to "reflective listening" — basically the "it sucks" button, but more expanded. Like if someone is venting about something, I might say "That sounds really frustrating", or similar. It feels like playing conversational ping pong where I'm not an active participant in the rally, but just reacting to my conversation partner's shots.
I don't tend to find reflective listening especially helpful if I'm the recipient of it (I cope with problems differently), so it blew my mind when I was trying to support a friend with these techniques and they ended the conversation by thanking me for the support, and they really needed that. It baffled me because I hadn't felt like I'd said anything really at all, besides just reflecting stuff back at them, which felt sort of like small talk but even more superficial. But nah, turns out that different people find different kinds of support helpful. The_More_You_Know.jpg
Well you want to know the other person gets it, right? Otherwise it's just hollow words. A well-chosen anecdote means that to some extent, you understand each other. I can see the appeal of that kind of commiseration.
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"That's rough, buddy" is my goto.
"my first girlfriend turned into the moon"
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