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It will have been ten years since I cut off my blood in October; but it's like I say-- none of my contact info has changed. My phone number is still the same. If any of them wanted to hear from me, they could've, any time in the last ten years... And they never have. As it sits right now, I have no reason to care. As it sits right now, the next call I get from them better not be "so and so is sick and needs you to come out"; 'cause I'm finna get real petty if that's the next thing I hear. "So you only wanna hear from me when you need something" type beats. Same as they would've done to me.

Some people just can't be claimed.

There's a middle path that's being overlooked in this post. We can flexibly move closer/ draw away as people and relationships change, because people and relationships are always changing.This strategy leaves us in a more powerful position. And some changes in opinion/ politics, in my opinion, don't even need to register. I'm not 100% responsible for my dumbass friends. Maybe like 15% responsible.

I'm not saying NEVER cut anyone out, but defaulting to cutting people out results in a lot of dysfunction. The most abusive friend I ever had would just chop people off and smear their reputations over any level of disagreement, and I was complicit in that. Looking back, it was as if they had 0 doubts or flexibility about their beliefs.

Because I'm very agreeable, I was last to be cut out. Then, they were alone. I had to spend a lot of time unlearning the black and white thinking and bad habits I picked up from them. Thought I would share so you don't make the mistakes I did.

ive seen many people completely change their views when faced with the possibility of never seeing their kids or grandkids again, like real genuine change not just faking it, like going from homophobic to having many queer friends. social shame and osterization works, extremely well. i know lots of people say it can make things worse but idk, in my life it works really really well. maybe its an either ot thing, like its gonna make it better or worse, maybe methods vary for different people.

this is a really complex topic that is case-by-case to the extreme. generally necessary for people who are actively abusive as a pattern, definitely. but i've been cut off by people for pretty normal conflicts and it is deeply hurtful and can leave lasting psychological scars. also had people slow-ghost my friendship without explanation. unless someone is really actively harming me and they mean something to me, i do tend toward thinking i owe the people in my life shit. at least some kind of closure or explanation if a friendship or relationship ends. but i tend to try to keep the connect alive to the extent it's possible and extend my love and energy toward them.  

also it seems like a lot of self-help pop psychology is normalizing cutting people out in a way that seems to be an uncritical default to atomization and away from communal responsibility. again this is super complicated and really can't be boiled down to a singular rule of thumb. 

You can't do this if you're financially dependent on them. And with the state of the global economy, yeah...

My mother was the only person that continued to call me by feminine pronouns, friends, family, coworkers, strangers or otherwise. I could forgive initially but it had been years of trying and pleading with no give.

After a while it was blatantly ridiculous, bigoted and beyond "mistakes" because at that point i was burly and bearded, lol. Had to cut ties for my own mental sake and honestly physical safety. it was sad but also a relief.

People who are friends with reactionaries are sus as fuck.

I SUMMON THE LEGENDARY MONSTER THE ETERNAL CHAIRMAN MAO IN ATTACK POSITION

Liberalism manifests itself in various ways. To let things slide for the sake of peace and friendship when a person has clearly gone wrong, and refrain from principled argument because he is an old acquaintance, a fellow townsman, a schoolmate, a close friend, a loved one, an old colleague or old subordinate. Or to touch on the matter lightly instead of going into it thoroughly, so as to keep on good terms. The result is that both the organization and the individual are harmed. This is one type of liberalism.

I think there are levels to this shit, i'll absolutely tell them they are full of shit, but let them do it. Obviously if they are materially doing something (or in position of power) - then fuck them.

Like my grandma was anti commie and pro-israel (fucking somehow considering she was antisemitic before), i still was at her hospital bed when she was ill.

No, that’s wrong and selfish.

You have a much better chance of leaving a good impression on people when you interact with them more often as opposed to less, and you said yourself leaving doesn’t change their minds but it makes you feel better.

If you cared most about changing minds you’d spend more time with them, not less. Furthermore, spending time shoveling the neighbors walkway, giving drunk friends a ride or helping your parents clean out their basement improves these people’s quality of life.

i haven't exactly 'cut them off' but i visit my pat robertson/700 club watching grandma a lot less since i've had (and subsequently lost) a boyfriend. i think she's just honestly stupid more than hateful, surrounded by other people with awful views and alone in her house most of the time watching nothing but emotionally manipulative psychological warfare in the form of Fox News and christian programming. she divorced my grandpa a long time ago and replaced one Old White Man Telling Her What To Think And Do with another whole set of them, on the TV. when we do visit my dad (a well meaning noam chomsky type 'democratic socialist' liberal) tries his best to gently correct her when she starts talking about politics and regurgitating fox news talking points, but the next day shes back on fox news alone at home and nothing sticks.

I cut off my family after a fight. I think about it everyday, still a lot of pain there.

Guys I'm not talking about people who now sadly fall within the new Overton window, if I did this then I literally would not have any acquaintances.

I agree. I cut out most of my family and I'm way better off for it. Politics wasn't the main reason for most of them but I think their shittiness goes hand in hand with their awful politics. Maybe they wouldn't be such foul, abusive shitdemons if they didn't hold such abusive worldviews and hatred in their hearts. If someone is always dragging you down, trying to make you miserable, wanting you to be cruel like them, then fuck them! It's a cold world and life is too short to be wasting time on people like that.

can't abandon family, blood is blood, im not white

if they abandon me when they find out im degen, thats on them

Its been a year since i stopped talking to my parents and well.... First of all they don't care and second they're doing better than before... It's not even politics related even tho they are very fascist they just decided they really didn't like me post 7 years old

Every decade folks have moved into or out of my life. I think going through our twenties everyone is friendly; you socialize with lots of peers and still try to make good impressions with older people to maintain good social standing. Once you hit thirties you begin filtering out folks who don't align with your morals and values. You know who you can and can't trust and have less time to be patient with others ignorance. I'm not in my forties yet but understand I'll probably have boomer outbursts one day and the kids will make fun of me.