Expanding on the title: I got my first prescription for hormones today (a SERM and an antiandrogen!) and while there is great hope and joy, I also find the prospect daunting. I am wondering what types of photos, physical objects, etc. other people have appreciated having for themselves. Maybe they mark how far you've come, where you hope to be, or what it means to be you through it all
Thank you in advance and I love you
At the risk of doxxing myself, I'm in a large city and this is a well known "LGBTQ+ Health Center". I'm hopeful that they'll know what they're doing. However, considering my unique goals, it sounds like I should get myself familiar with doses and meds.
I have my first appt at the gender clinic in two weeks! Are there any things I should make sure to know beforehand?
I'm hoping to get on some sort of estrogen and a SERM to prevent breast development. I am still scared of transitioning and want to take small steps and test the waters before permanent changes take effect.
Will I have to self-advocate for specific forms/names of treatment or can I generally rely on the clinician to be knowledgeable?
I registered with a local clinic to schedule an appointment 2 weeks ago and they finally got back to me today! I was stressing out about having to call in because it was taking a long time, but turns out I just typoed my phone number....
Now I just need to talk to a doctor about what I want. Hopefully they'll have some experience with what I'm looking to acheive.
I want to try out estrogen without permanent effects (mostly breast growth) to see how it feels and have been looking into options. I want to see how it changes my emotions and, if I'm lucky, my skin, face, hips, hair, and body hair.
It seems like there are a few SERMs out there that can be taken alongside HRT to limit breast growth. Another option is just a very low dose if I'm just 'trying it out' for a few months.
Might make an appointment for a local gender clinic and see what options are available. 
Any recommendations for how to test? I've already grown out my hair and recently got a more 'androgynous' hair cut, but I am wayyyyy too scared and unsure to do anything more in public. When I play with my presentation in private there is an occasional spark, but it is mostly disappointing.
Honestly hormones feel like a potential next step, but I'm wary of breast growth and any other irreversible changes that might happen.
There is definitely a 'greener grass' effect happening here, but my perception of women from media and people I know is that they experience emotion and interpersonal connection in a way that feels entirely closed off to me. I've read accounts of trans women describing whole new worlds of emotion during transition, either by way of estrogen/HRT or self acceptance, and I want that.
I've been questioning my gender recently and think I might be trans, but I worry that it is for the wrong reasons. I've been depressed for a long time and I'm idealizing womanhood/being a woman as a way out. I dream that through transitioning I will become more inherently lovable, more capable of loving, less lonely, more beautiful, more alive.
More than anything I wish I could 'know' what I'm meant to be, what steps I can take to be happier.
I sent a 20 please post dog
The watermelon is my old personal emoji from cytube lol. It came from an album art https://wearestandards.bandcamp.com/album/fruit-island
I'm tired of all of the 'Great Man' type stories where a single individual or group changes the fate of the galaxy. Consider Phlebas by Ian Banks did it in an interesting way, the payoff of the heroic actions and sacrifice of the characters was revealed to be unimportant in the grand scheme of the war being fought, but this isn't revealed until the end, so it was a bit of a gimmicky 'gotcha' moment.
I want more slice-of-life sci-fi and fantasy. I recently read Long way to a Small, Angry Planet by Rebecca Chambers and really enjoyed the vignette based storytelling centered on a working class crew. You got to explore interesting corners of the galaxy a la Star Trek, but without the high stakes.
I also just finished reading Semiosis by Sue Burke, a humans-settle-an-exoplanet type story, and one of the things I really enjoyed was how the story was told in generations. It allowed for a cool materialist(?) storytelling where you could see how the culture of their 30-100 person colony is shaped by historical events that you just read about the chapter before.
Got some bloodwork done to get a baseline as I start my HRT (spiro and raloxifene). I have an Estradiol level of 5.8pg/mL and normal range is 11-43 pg/mL. Google says that low etradiol levels can cause: lethargy - check, low libido - check, dry skin - ...check, hot flashes - ...now that you mention it, poor memory - ......check etc.
I'm still not 100% sure about transing my gender (my treatment plan has a goal of limited irreversible changes for the time being), but I have to wonder if it is a coincidence that I came to the conclusion that transitioning and the mental/emotional changes from estrogen might be the best way to help me break out of my depression. Now I'm doubly excited for the changes that might happen.