Literally I think what's happening is that, to an extent, some certain depictions of sex acts between men will fucking freak me out. My ex and I were both ostensibly sad little gay boys when we met, so uh there was a lot of that, and a lot of that did not stop when transition started, which is where the trauma mixes in. The only memories I have of "male sexuality" (as in ostensibly being a guy during sex) and the associated terms and acts are horrible and traumatising. I guess it's to the point where when similar things show up in a weirdbook, psychic damage.

This makes sense since I have not really read gay-dude sex before, this is kind of the first time, Paul is a lovely complicated little weird thing. But it's kind of fucking lame and I don't really love the idea that certain kinds of sex just EXISTING will trigger my fucking trauma, that really distresses me. I guess that's reality though? So here's to not reading about dudes having sex I guess...

I hate this, this is terrible, I've been feeling really good about all the sex stuff recently, but I guess it makes sense I would stumble into "damage" at some point. Blegh...