this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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Summary

Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was “physically mauled” by a demon in his sleep, leaving claw marks on his body, which he says are still visible. Carlson described waking with intense pain, bleeding claw marks, and an overwhelming urge to read the Bible. He recounted the experience as confusing yet transformative, adding that while he doesn’t expect others to believe him, the incident profoundly impacted him.

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[–] [email protected] 365 points 2 weeks ago (13 children)

At the time, Carlson says, he was asleep in bed with his wife – and four dogs.

I have an alternate theory about those claw marks...

[–] [email protected] 121 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Even Fido has had enough of his shit

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 weeks ago

Hopefully Fucker gets rabies

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago
[–] [email protected] 92 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I watched that video, and had he just stuck to being suddenly awake and having claw marks I would have thought there was something odd. But he led with having four dogs in the bed, so when he said he had claw marks...dear lord, he's either trying too hard to play to some niche audience, or he's really that stupid. At least make the story sound plausible...we know you can lie, why didn't you just leave off some details here to sell it better.

[–] [email protected] 86 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Ever since he got kicked off Fox, he's been making the pivot to the hard right audience, which includes the narrative that they're in a spiritual war against the literal devil.

It's the same conspiracy-laden bullshit that Alex Jones pushes.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

It's Jon Stewart's fault. Tucker never recovered from that jab about the bow tie.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 2 weeks ago

And he never wore a bow tie after that. Lol.
If anything, Tucker needs another sit-down with Jon

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago

He's been holding a towel on his rear-end ever since.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

The dude used to wear a bow tie, unironically, and in public no less, so...

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Bowties are cool.

The bowtie wasn't the problem.

It's the person that makes it uncool.

I'd argue that the fact that he stopped wearing the bowties when he was mocked for it says more about him than the bowties do.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

It absolutely does. Jon knew it would have to be something low to get under his skin and he was right.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

I've been rocking a bowtie for a while, and my wife loves it. Maybe it's that his were clipons.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

My dad wore a bowtie, looked very cool with it, and he also made a comment about people like Carlson: "you wish you could buy the son of a bitch for what he's worth, then sell him for what he thinks he's worth."

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

It's not the bowtie, it's the smug, punchable face.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I bet it's deliberate. Like a power play knowing his story is clearly bullshit but the morons he's appealing to are believing it making him feel even more superior.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

That's also why Trump endlessly escalates his lies. It's a flex.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago

Occam's Razor? Naw, it's gotta be Occam's Jewish Space Laser.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah, if I were married to Tucker Carlson I'd be pretty messed up too.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

We know his wife didn't leave them in the throes of passion, that's for sure

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

But a mistress that he's trying to cover up? That's plausible.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

A dominatrix is also plausible

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

He brought the Bible into it so I’m betting it was a misteress.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 weeks ago

No man! It was a succubus!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 weeks ago

If by "mistress" you mean "4 dogs" then I agree.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago

Dude, even small dogs can hog some serious space. 4 dogs? I'm surprised there's any room left for the fucker and his wife. He probably got scratches falling out of bed.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

"I went to bed and woke up next to this unconscious woman... I was in my bed with the wife and dogs at the time, so she must've been a demon."

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 weeks ago

Holy shit I did not think the alt right could get any fucking dumber.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

Yeah, i imagine his wife is pretty vicious.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

I do too. Paranoid delusions

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 weeks ago

Is it Tucker Carlson has hell hounds for pets?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 weeks ago

His boyfriend choked him out too hard? I'm bad at inferences.