traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Stay on topic (trans/gender stuff).
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this is so interesting, and something I've experienced as well, as an enby who very likely is on the autism spectrum. since the only way I knew to perform manhood was to emulate the men around me, and so many of them were toxically masculine and misogynistic, I would act toxically masculine and misogynistic in an effort to fit in as one of them. I'd actually say that unlearning the fake masculinity is part of what helped me come to terms with being cisn't, come to think of it.
Starting to shed that masculinity is what helped me along with actually exploring my gender. It became heavily internalized and made it very difficult to shed. Once the pieces started falling is when I slowly started to realize I was trans.
But gods did my upbringing really fuck me up. I still have really bad thoughts that were kinda ingrained into my brain from my upbringing that I struggle to remove to this day. I shanβt repeat them here obviously, but I am very ashamed that they still exist.
this is such a mood. what's funny is I thought I was bisexual and just weird about being a man for awhile, then I read the Gender Dysphoria Bible to try to understand my trans nephew better, and ended up muttering "oh, fuck me" about once or twice a paragraph as the realization that this shit applied to me was slowly dawning on me, and now I'm a non-binary transbian who's realized fae's not really interested in men at all.
if it makes you feel any better, you're absolutely not alone in this β it's not uncommon for me to have a profoundly incorrect dogma-addled negative internal reaction to something that's actually totally fine, or even good, and then have to put in effort to redirect my brain to not be a total asshole. it's a process, and I fucking hate it, but it's a process I'm glad to have undertaken rather than staying in the quagmire into which I was born and in which I could easily still be without kind people loving me and giving me space to figure out who I actually am.
Hey, I'm just glad we all realized who we are at some point in our lives. It's a moment that none of us will ever forget I'm sure. I remember it mine happened in the middle of a convention in a crowd of like...a lot of people. I'm shocked I didn't get stared at.
It does make me feel better as I just feel like a complete and utter fuck that I have these thoughts cross my consciousness at all. I talk them over with my girlfriend from time to time to help just kinda get it out there so I can confront it directly and properly. It's not easy and it is not a comfortable thing. But you know what? We are fighting them and that's what's important. Even if it's pretty hard to dislodge them from our brains.