feeling not great again this week, thankful for my friends.
this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2024
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em_poc
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Rest well, tovarshi... 
thanks, ill try.
Me too.
iI’m learning my lesson: never refute imperialist propaganda in front of white radlibs.
Try refuting anti china/anti-communist propaganda in front of Chinese American libs.
There was a Tibetan gusano in my class who said that China "brutalized" their country and that life was better before the occupation. The evil ccp essentially
I asked them what they knew about feudal serfdom in Tibet. They said thats what China made up to justify their invasion and they asked for sources.
I tried showing them a documentary about feudal tibet and they shut me down.
Chinese american libs are insufferable since anti prc propaganda is just sinophobia that hurts them as well. There was another chinese american in my class whose parents were from Hong Kong (business major lol) who was at least willing to listen. But this is also the person who uses chatgpt for every little thing.
What a coincidence, I’m reading When Serfs Stood Uo in Tibet right now. And yeah, watching Chinese people in the West repeat anti-PRC lies is painful lol.
oof, hopefully, no one freaked out too much.
Not the first time white radlibs have dogpiled me and probably won’t be the last. The statement I made was “stalinism isn’t a thing and authoritarianism as a critique was largely created to equate fascism with communism” lol
oh damn yeah, ive never made headway on that issue. did they hit back with some Hanah ardent bs, or was it no thoughts just hissing at uncomfortable information?
God, Hannah Arendt is so insufferable.
Talks so much shit about Soviet Union being totalitarian and fascist but she kept being friends with an unrepentant, card-carrying Nazi after the War ended. Says a lot.
It was immediately “but stalin killed people though” and this one guy from an ex-warsaw pact country complaining about how repressive socialism was. i hit back with the fact that my parents are from china and then immediately this guy starts being a chauvinist about “human rights” in socialist countries. unironically 
which got some pushback because wow. this person was valorizing norway lol.
danm at least the obvious racism got pushback (not the subtle one but you know)
The US is a safe haven for anti-communist gusanos of every nationality.
Crazy to think that not so long ago white people got told Palestinians cooked and beheaded babies, and they believed that shit.
Oh, there was also the "babies in incubators" crap back during the first Iraq War.
Feeling a bit better this week. Still hitting a bit of a wall at times where I just get super lazy and feel tired. Still want to take some time off to recharge fully and spend some time away from work.
You may be going through burnout, comrade. It seems like it.
It definitely is. Felt it a lot more early last week. It's honestly tough to really find the time to recharge. Between working in a relatively small space with a small team and being home with my parent and brother, I don't really have any opportunities to just shut out the world for a day.
I just went through something traumatizing recently.
Frankly, I get this.
Walking down a residential sidewalk with grass and I make eye contact with a stroller lady with young child locked at arm ahead on the path. I don't need much room so I get to the right, it's a nice day I throw on a smile. Lady is not budging from the middle of the walkway, it's either shoulder check the kid or walk in the grass. Thought about just stopping but decided against yelling at this kids inconsiderate ass mom. There was enough room why not just move over a bit? Ah well guess the grass is nicer to walk on anyways
Talk about touching grass...
I don't want to make the "took restraint" quip but I genuinely admire your ability to avoid The Moment™; know for a fact it'd have been a MUCH harder struggle if it were me. My blood runs too hot too regular, and my splits are irritatingly frequent these days.
I don't like it when I wake up and get tired after eating breakfast 
the struggle is real
I didn't sleep well last night, tbh.
We have office events where we're encouraged to dress up in our culture attire and I'm always torn on what to do. On one hand, I'd want to represent Africa but I don't know where my family's were taken from, and we also have actual Africans that work here so that'll be awkward. On the other hand, I still respect the culture that Black people built but it's been stolen so much throughout the years that it'll just look typical.
I honestly wouldn't know what cultural attire would be for me, other than a hair scarf I guess? you can never go wrong with giant a Africa on your shirt or something, I get compliments on my earrings.
Ooh earrings is a good idea or just Africa shaped things. That way if anyone ask, I can rant about why I don't know my culture.
Talked with my doc. Lowered the dose of my schizophrenia meds. I have been stable for like 4 years ...lowered it already in the past. Should be fine. (Im not sure if I even need the meds tbh).
Good.
I'm still getting my CPAP machine. The study was delayed.
been learning my parents' native language for a few weeks now and it's going well! it's so much more easier to understand and consistent than English too
but online translation tools do a pretty bad job at translating so i've been relying on online dictionaries with example uses of phrases i wanna "translate" but i'd rather buy a dictionary. but they are only available from their home country, quite expensive and not available online at all
Got invited to a dinner with the local indigenous group. One of the guys reached to grab the food before everyone else could and a guy just pulled his knife out and stabbed him in the hand.
The person who got stabbed didn’t even scream. He just winced and then apologetically looked away.
Was out late for a concert. When my friend and I got out and started walking, we heard what sounded like 5 gunshots coming from the area we were going to. We turned around ran back to the street we were on and walked a different way. On the new route, an older black woman was going to the bus and told us go be careful out here. I wished her the same. It felt good knowing someone was looking out for my safety, even if they didn't know me. I can't really explain it but that interaction made me feel like a proud communist.
Also side note, when we turned around a white guy was walking by and asked if it was gunshots, we said not sure but not gonna check and he said "oh it's gonna be a fun night" with a smile. Like he lived in the area and was used to it. Felt a bit of solidarity there too, in the sense that he reacted unexpectedly (not frantically calling the police or hysterically groveling over how bad the area is). It was like he was just integrated in the neighborhood enough to know how to navigate it.
I dunno. Maybe I'm reading to into it and just processing the weird night.