this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2024
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Do not smooch an alien
sure it might kill you, but it might also give you seemingly superpowers
Maybe you could turn into any animal you touch.
Clothesline -> bounce off the ropes -> elbow drop
What if they're nice and just want to look at flowers?
Are they landing specifically in front of me? Or like, they landed somewhere?
Cause, honestly, I'd probably have to go to work still lol
They land in front of you and sorry they zapped your boss
"Hey aliens, welcome to earth, bathroom is the last door on the left, last one out hit the lights, I appreciate you zapping my shitty manager but I still kind of have to go to work, people depend on me. Uh, there's wine in the cupboard if you want any."
they zapped your boss
I would greet them as liberators
Please help the socialists overthrow capitalism, the ruling class is going to attack you anyway.
The same thing we do every night, you pinko, try to take over the world!
I sometimes fall asleep imagining scifi stories about aliens coming to earth and ending imperialism, i think I watched too much startrek
Wow, I do the exact same thing sometimes! Also watched allot of Star Trek. It's not ideal for me, because it's not a calm topic, but if I can't help thinking about these things anyway, might as well. How does it work for you? Any tips, what (else) to think about when falling asleep?
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I'd call them visitors not aliens. I feel like they'd appreciate it.
There's a Wojak comic I saw, around the time covid really became a pandemic, where a flying saucer lands and a steps out, and the 
seeing the alien just says "Yeah."
"I thought you'd be more shocked or something."
"I got a lot going on right now."
There's also a joke in Poland where US astronauts made a first landing on Mars and before they manage to come out aliens weld the hatch from outside because Poles were there first and taught them some practical industrial worker jokes.
Go to work. Hear about it when I check in with this website at 11pm via some 3rd degree meme that doesn't even specifically say what happened. Go to bed at a reasonable hour.
I'd start uncontrollably screeching at them "PLEASE HELP LAZER ZAP ALL BILLIONAIRES AND DESTROY THE US MILITARY PLEASE DO SOMETHING"
id prolly try to fuck one. plenty of people are gonna do it but only one person is going into the history books as the first
Death to America
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Show them some yoyo tricks i half remember, they may not have yoyos from their part(s??) of the cosmos
I'd be like, " 'sup"
smooches
show them a picture of my butthole and explain this is a traditional earth greeting they should replicate to get on our good sides
Do you already have one on hand for that scenario?
hey i'm an alien let me see
sure here you go
nudes
A picture? I mean it’s right there!
Hope they liberate us from capitalism, and also I'd ask if they can give me a dog tail and ears because I'd like those
I'd be over the moon (pun intended) because a whole lot of space libertarian bullshit theories about how the entire universe is just a bunch of resource nodes to strip-mine to make more bazinga trash would be BTFO and the space libertarians would, instantly, realize there's someone that doesn't answer to them.
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I was gonna say 3 body problem that shit and get them to try to take over but let's be real the us would nuke them at which point the situation sort of resolves itself
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hitch a ride out of here
Annihilate whites
I would explain hawk tuah
hawk me tuah your leader
I'm at the age where I get it, but I can't understand how it's funny. I'm basically an alien.
okay so get this, humans like to simulate procreation with objects not intended for it, right? They do it with their digestion entry points too because it produces pre-digestive fluids that resemble the lubrication of reproduction organs to reduce friction and make it more pleasurable. One way of increasing this faux lubricant output is by inhaling air to stimulate the glands within the orifice which produces a sound which is onomatopoeically similar to the word for a predatory flying organism (hawk), while the act of ejecting the fluids creates an audible exasperation which can be phonetically reconstructed as "tuah" (IPA: [ˈtʼɤ̂ː]). The point is, it's a really lame joke and I want them to destroy us for ever making it a thing.
Report to the ship as soon as possible
I would start by attempting to ask them a lot of questions. What I would do next would depend on the answers to those questions.
Well, I'm trying to make a little tool rack today.
idk, with everything else going on, it just kind of feels like it'd be out of the scope of my concerns. I'd probably glue myself to the News Mega.
The London system with white or the Sicilian with black
Invite them over for dinner
challenge them to a debate to prove i am the most powerful redditor
Given how they're super intelligent, I'd ask them when they sent Lenin over to earth disguised as one of us
I keep asking them to let me stay or take me with or at least let me take some pictures or have a regular way and they keep saying "It's against the rules".
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