this post was submitted on 20 Nov 2024
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menby

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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
    • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • "This is reactionary. Here's why."
      • "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
      • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
    • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Hello comrades, as part of our sitewide effort to combat misogynistic and patriarchal attitudes, encourage people to become more familiar with theory, and kick off the reopening of /c/menby, we are launching a book club for The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks, a classic of feminist theory. From the Goodreads page:

Everyone needs to love and be loved—even men. But to know love, men must be able to look at the ways that patriarchal culture keeps them from knowing themselves, from being in touch with their feelings, from loving.

In The Will to Change, bell hooks gets to the heart of the matter and shows men how to express the emotions that are a fundamental part of who they are—whatever their age, marital status, ethnicity, or sexual orientation. But toxic masculinity punishes those fundamental emotions, and it’s so deeply ingrained in our society that it’s hard for men to not comply—but hooks wants to help change that.

With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks addresses the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society, in new and challenging ways. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves—and lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. A brave and astonishing work, The Will to Change is designed to help men reclaim the best part of themselves.

The book is available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it)

It’s a fairly short read (the text is ~120 pages, the audiobook’s chapters are ~30min each) so we’re going to be discussing 2 chapters each week, starting with the preface and Chapter 1 on Weds, November 27th.

Please comment below if you wish to be pinged when the discussion threads go live.

I need to stress that we expect masc Hexbear users to participate in this book club and engage with the material. Hexbear, like most western leftist spaces, has well-established problems with patriarchal attitudes, misogyny, white supremacy, and western chauvinism. Any comments attempting to minimize or deny these problems will be removed and the poster will cop a ban. Kill the liberal in your mind, listen to what your marginalized comrades have been saying over and over again, and READ THEORY WITH US leslie-shining

Please comment with any other resources or suggestions you think would be helpful as we read through this. Shoutout to @[email protected] for running the original reading group last year. There was good engagement back then but we’re gonna pump those numbers up, right libs? read-theory

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I'm on busy holidays right now so unfortunately I won't be here for the first session, but pls ping me as I'll try to catch up by the second one!

As an aside, I love English names that have a literal translation to Spanish. Bell Hooks would be "ganchos de campana", just funny to think of a book being written by some hooks meant to hold a bell

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 day ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago

I picked up a physical copy a few days before all of this went down, so I’m excited to be part of a book club thing. Please ping me!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 days ago

Ping me please

One thing I'd like to discuss through these threads is how to cover the topics in this book with kids of different age ranges. I recall gender norms really stacking up social pressure when I was in elementary and highschool. I want my child to be better equipped to deal with that than I was.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

gloria-rap ping me, don't sting me, i wanna read, you believe me

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

I love this book, about due for a re-read. ping me

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

I've started to listen to the YouTube audiobook but I'm a bit confused- the audiobook starts with chapter 1, there is no preface as far as I can tell? The tankietube version looks identical.

I ordered a paperback because I prefer to read long text (not that it's a long book, but it's a book, not an essay, you know) on paper vs on a screen so I can read it there if it's not replicated in audio format anywhere.

EDIT: I would also like to be notified about the discussion thread.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The tankietube version does have the Preface here: https://tankie.tube/w/p/rcTMX9j8doHvrqofZjnbBg?playlistPosition=3 but you're right about the youtube version, unfortunately I don't think we can change that. I'll add a note to the OP

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago

Thanks, I was going to wait until the paperback came in but since it's on the tankie tube playlist I went ahead and listened to it. Can't wait to read people's thoughts on Wednesday.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

I'd like to be pinged please :)

[–] [email protected] 32 points 5 days ago

Time for your hexbear mandated de-penising honey yes-honey-left

Sarcasm aside im excited for this though, especially to be betyer at clapping back to some lib friends that are slipping into the incel blueanon pipeline and spout misogyny into the group chat with increasing frequency

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 days ago

Everyone needs to love and be loved—even men.

i-cant

But sure, go ahead and ping me as I've barely read any theory all the way through.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 3 days ago

Ping me, I'm halfway through, and it's great.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 days ago

Dropping in for the ping.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

I'll take a ping too please

[–] [email protected] 3 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

Ping pls n thx

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 days ago

Me too thanks

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

I would like to be pinged

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Hell yeah, please ping me!

Edit: Ok I planned to just briefly skim the preface and ended up blazing through the first two chapters, this book fuckin HITS. Will absolutely rec this to some of my friends, thanks for creating this discussion group! I would absolutely love a regular book club, this website already introduced Feinberg and Sakai to me and I’d love to read more!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

Ping me as well.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I was kinda feeling like re-reading this one for a while now, it definitely is very entry-level as far as any kind of antri-patriarchal theory goes, but I also remember it being a very touching and very revealing book to me. I'm definitely in, looking forward to this. Please send me a ping when those threads go live.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago

feel free to start thinking of recommendations for the next menby book

[–] [email protected] 18 points 5 days ago

I'd like to be pinged too. 120 pages seems manageable. Thanks for the effort.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 days ago

i'd like to be added to the ping list, thank you!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

I’m interested, please ping ya boi. Also would be interested in discussion of masculinity with regards to black male identity (as a black man).

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago

I actually tried to do a book club on this last year but I kinda burned out. I should really finish it.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago

Ping please.

Thank you to whoever added the audio book, easy to knock out folks!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago

Please ping me I've been meaning to finish this and I'd love to do it along with y'all.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

we expect masc Hexbear users to participate

what's "masc"?

[–] [email protected] 20 points 5 days ago

Short for masculine, what we mean by that is users who identify as men or identify with masculinity in general. Everyone is welcome to participate of course but there's a specific expectation that masc users will be reading

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago
[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

ping meee!

don't really identify as masc these days but from what I've hear it will likely still be useful

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

I'd like to be pinged. I was waiting a bit for this to go up since they announced it. This would be my first real reading group tbh.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 days ago (1 children)

go on then, ping me please

I think there should be a reminder before the day though. Maybe half way there and then the day before.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Great idea, I just don't want to inundate people with pings stalin-stressed I'll at least do a "halfway there" ping ig

[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 days ago

Or maybe like, 3 days as a medium?

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 5 days ago

I read this I think at the start of COVID. Tag me in coach. Let's all elevate ourselves together!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago

I read this maybe ten years ago and remember liking it, but it has been a while

[–] [email protected] 10 points 5 days ago

Ping me, please. I read the first chapter of this about a yearish ago, but I have a lot of trouble finishing books

[–] [email protected] 7 points 5 days ago

I would love to read this w yall

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago

Ping me, please! Had this on my list but I'd love to be in the discussions too!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago

yooo lemme get in on the ping. Would love to read this one again

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago

I'm in. Ping me please my friend.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 5 days ago

This is hexbear communist indoctrination funded by leftist billionaires and the government!!!1!!

Jokes aside, please ping me :)

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