A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.
Detoxing masculinity since 1990!
You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.
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*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks
Honestly, I'm here for it. The biphobic stuff I would hear from women kept me in the closet for a long time
People really need to stop caring what people have done in the bedroom with previous partners. You have to trust that they know what they want now and go off of that. Besides, someone who has bottomed before is going to better understand how to penetrate someone properly.
This exchange was good. It's like explaining concepts to Patrick Star.
Do we have a Man-Ray wallet emoji?
Duuuude straight women are fucking awful about biphobic shit. Straight women will be all virtue signaling and then all of a sudden say some shit like “…but I’d like never date an actual bisexual guy”
I’ve also had many, many times when I’d reject a woman’s advances, and get the ol’ “Oh are you gay or something?” No, I’m not gay (as if that were some insult?), I’m just not interested in you specifically.
This is literally just imagining something and getting mad at it.
This is the same shit that makes people get all stiff and weird about BJJ. It's like they believe something is taken from them if they tap to a submission[1]. It's like having to save and reset in case you lose in pokemon. The humiliation is contrived and imaginary. If aesthetic and imagined aesthetic are that important to you then you have my pity. I just think you're in a prison of your own creation with little to no reflection in the outside world.
Makes me think Bell Hooks was onto something.
[1] Going into this because I think it's interesting but it's tangential and likely not for general consumption
I remember this person whose first time sparring in muay thai who came into the class flinching on every strike. As if their strategy was to block every hit like they had entered the matrix. It had to be explained to them that they needed to loosen up and accept a couple strikes. It requires trust and vulnerability otherwise nothing's getting done and you're going to stay ~~mediocre~~ frankly dogshit. Flinching at every strike is no way to fight. In fact it's a fun little game to exploit. If I know you're going to jump wildly at the first movement then the second and third movement are coming in quick succession from left right left. My friend and I will have a conversation while you drown in your own mindstuff (the person in the anecdote ended up being a splendid member of the team as they went through the ubiquitous struggle of learning).
If you don't understand that, in the academy, we're in a playground then you're lost. You will create your own ceiling. If you're humiliated by loss, submission, bottom position, the wrong coach, an angry partner, or a botched move then you do yourself a disservice bringing negativity into a place where you could be laughing and learning. Even competition is a skill and an art in and of itself. You're planning out the prep, tightening up your nutrition, dealing with the nerves, warming up correctly, staying focused, listening to your coach, relying on your A game (and at the highest level executing a specific strategy for a specific opponent), playing to win, being a good sportsman, letting yourself feel what you feel as a result, reviewing tape, and coming away with lessons. It's still a game, it's still a style of play. Your loss is not a humiliation. We are fortunate enough to be under the supervision of a ref playing a sport with a ruleset instead of on a battlefield. If you or those around you cannot handle you losing your martial arts match then that surface level assessment of you is as worthless as the $3 hunk of metal they hang around the winner's neck. This is why I've come around from being the most cynical, pessimistic judge who believed results were a reflection of the soul into someone who is beginning to acknowledge that you need an internal motivation and fundamental sense of self worth. If it's not play and it doesn't resonate then you're not going to receive anything external that's going to change your mind.
You have my sympathy if your martial arts are trauma-informed. I recognize for some people they have flashbacks in bottom positions. I once volunteered to help a person transition from boxing to BJJ who had this psychosomatic response to being mounted where they'd just stop breathing well. I had a personable affect so I was the kind of person you could hang your hat on. If I could offer you anything and there's even a little chance that it'd be useful and it would come to you in the right time, space, and energy to receive it I'd tell you that I believe BJJ is for anybody who has the will to fight. I've seen a little kid with an oxygen mask ready to compete. I've seen an octogenarian get their blue belt. One time a cancer survivor told me on a Friday "the chemo didn't work so they're going to operate on me tomorrow. It's going to be snowing Monday so I'll see you Tuesday." That wasn't the only cancer survivor. I've seen people cry as they lost and come back. Knocked out, knees ruined, ring wormed, broken toed people still find their way back. I've seen a guy without the bottom half of his body win his amateur MMA debut. People in abject poverty all across the world can wrestle and their children laugh while they play too. I believe that the art can take you as far as you want to go.
This same person just told me "most women are Bi/gay accepting to others but wouldn’t want it in their lives." 
What's BJJ?
A martial art that is very heavy on grappling, taking it to the ground, and pins that stretch the body out in various ways.
@[email protected] has you covered on the actual definition
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlCZ2xqReLU
Though it's not representative, this guy does an annual halloween costume BJJ roll and I think it's the golden example of BJJ being fun instead of very official or grimly serious.
I just edited the post with a write up of how it relates to the topic at hand if, for any reason, you're interested.
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
I had to file a $4000 protective order against a former friend of mine when I came out bi after rejecting her twice. I was in the closet for over 20 years in the American South and thought it would be finally safe enough to come out earlier this year after living in the PNW for a couple of years. Guess not.
She was sending me shit in the mail, going around calling me a predator. She kept trying to find ways to contact me; going as far as a Google photos comment section she had a link to. I gained 30 lbs from stress. I leave the country next month, thank fucking God. I'm done.
They make you pay money to get a restraining order?? Edit: Oh I guess that was lawyer's fees. Still ridiculous.
I'm guessing she asked if you rejected her because you're gay, at which point you came out as bi? How did she think that made you a predator? That's fucked up.
Yes, that is the legal fee. I went lawyer shopping for a day and I was getting quotes from $4,000 to $6,000. What's even more fucked is I have a friend who got a DUI, and his quotes were $3,000 to $4,500.
It's cheaper to fight a DUI than to put a legal mechanism in place meant to protect you from domestic violence.
I'm guessing she asked if you rejected her because you're gay, at which point you came out as bi?
I came out at a new years eve party with a really hot dude. It was amazing and I miss it 
. It was the last night I truly felt attractive.
Her first boyfriend broke up with her coming out as gay, and her fiancé cancelled their wedding after he came out as trans. She uhhh...has a type. lol. And she had an axe to grind. She lost her shit when I came out.
How did she think that made you a predator?
She just wanted to hurt me and went around saying that. We went to school together and our cohort had some conservatives and she leveraged the "the gays are groomers and predators" nonsense to try to hurt my reputation. Also made false accusations I harassed her as well. If you have seen Baby Reindeer, she is Martha.
What the fuck??
We were super close friends. I felt like I could actually open up to her and I guess I sent mixed signals or something. Never kissed her or fucked her once.
I've had a pretty hard life and I just, I just want out lol. I leave the country mid January to Europe. I'll be over for at least 3 years but want to be there as long as I can. I loved living there as a kid.
Never dated a straight woman, even the women I dated throught my gradeschool years were bi or ended up discovering they weren't straight later on. Idk what it is about me, maybe its because I too am bisexual
bi4bi
Bi Bi Birdie
straight cis women are always saying the most out of pocket shit about gay men, doesn't surprise. they will also ape queer culture and fashion all day and then act aghast when someone mistakes them for queer lol. have seen this a lot. cishet guys do it too of course people just have a notion that women are like predisposed to be less queerphobic or smth
I've been broken up with by women before for being bisexual.
The reply that's like "it's not homophobia, I just prefer a masculine man, and a man who is capable of attraction to another man is less masculine" is killing me.
I'm sorry, how is "same sex attraction makes you less of a man" not homophobia? Or I guess the real question is how can someone who isn't openly bigoted, who recognizes that homophobia is a thing to distance oneself from, incapable of seeing that that's obviously homophobia?
The focus on the open fear/hatred part of homophobia and ignoring that having a subtle and persistent discomfort at the thought of two men being physically intimate is also included in that term as a shield for their homophobia goes a long way.
They know they are homophobic. They are just trying to deflect the label.
This is masc gay/bi erasure.
More for me then. Bi men are fun in bed. I like men that’ll rail me and let me rail them in return. 
Liking to receive anal isn't necessarily related to sexuality.
I don't like the assumption here that any man who is attracted to men likes receiving anal, or that any man who likes being pegged isn't straight because of that.
in accordance with the wise adage "polling is bullshit," i'm gonna have to fact check this one.
The source is a Glamour magazine article. The "study" was conducted by Glamour itself. Almost no information about methodology is shared, including how respondents were located and contacted, what their demographics were, or what the actual questions being responded to were. All we are told is that they polled "1,015 women ages 18 to 44 about their own sexual identities and experiences." Needless to say, this is not a representative sample, and I strongly suspect these were Glamour readers responding to an online poll.
I don't doubt that biphobia is widespread, but I want harder evidence.
Almost no information about methodology is shared
why the fuck is "methodology" a word? it sounds like gibberish. it sounds like something that'd be in a rick and morty skit
it serves no purpose and makes you say 3 extra syllables over just "methods"
god i hate crackers
i like syllables
wait like, half of this at least, is also discriminatory to SA victims. Do these people just tell men who are assaulted to fuck off?
Yeah, that's what the grand jury and some of my family basically said 🙃
Though that's not solely a male SA victim thing, often just a SA victim thing. Society just tells men and women SA victims to fuck off in different ways.
Male SA victims get no special considerations ask me how I know 
Yes, that's how male SA victims are treated usually
I know the women in my life trend more queer than the average, but given the voracious appetite among women I know for gay fanfics and/or yaoi this is wild to me.
Not that fetishization is preferable, of course.
Yeah there really is no correlation between the fetishization of queer people and actual acceptance. I’d wager that a huge chunk of those people who consume that content do so BECAUSE they find it ‘deviant’ and thusly more exciting in a taboo way.
See also: rabid racists who consume interracial pornography and transphobic people consuming porn with trans people in it
Gals be like "we can be just as hateful as the fellas!"
The cishet mind is horrifying, why did I click that 
I live in a pretty conservative area and most of the women on dating apps wouldn't want to date me the moment they found out I'm bi