The same job I'm currently doing, because this is hell actually
chapotraphouse
Banned? DM Wmill to appeal.
No anti-nautilism posts. See: Eco-fascism Primer
Vaush posts go in the_dunk_tank
Dunk posts in general go in the_dunk_tank, not here
Don't post low-hanging fruit here after it gets removed from the_dunk_tank
Came here to post this
I knew people would post this when I made the post
I worked my entire life and I still gotta work after I die??? This is some bullshit
they said Hell
in charge of the 24/7 ronald reagan torture room and gift shop
I must imagine Sisyphus happy. And once I do, I have to start all over again.
rotating Sisyphus's boulder in my mind
I'm the database architect, creating functional templates and a comprehensive system to manage all hell related data. Every day, I send all residents a huge excel file that they have to read and contribute to. It's important you have the right program on your computer so said excel file can pull data directly from your hard drive. To make this happen, you have to give me access to your email contact list. Here I have attached a handy 40 min video detailing how to exactly do this, now let's talk about pop and imap. Better yet, this weekend I've scheduled a 2 day workshop on email migration. Everyone in hell has to attend, but it's OK, I ordered a pizza. One pizza. Vegetarian tofu pizza. But before anyone can eat the pizza, we all have to talk about our feelings and write a poem about said feelings. Then we hug, do mandatory yoga, then talk some more about our feelings.
"Pit maintenance" is what's on my job description but I end up doing freakin' evening around here!
Ain't that the truth
I'm a middle level bureaucrat. Someones gotta keep the wheels of hell turning and make sure the correct forms are filled and filed.
I'm imagining you telling Ftumch The Flayer that they need to fill out proper requisition forms before they go flaying, and this poor devil that has existed since before the invention of the word "Byzantine" suddenly has to do all sorts of admin work before they can get on with their actual job. Hell got bought by private equity
I'd be a disembodied skull that sits in a pile that cackles at your joke :)
You: "Fella makes it to the underworld and now the ferryman demands a tip too? What a Charon! Nah just kidding he's a wonderful guy"
Me: "Gakgakgak! Nice one boss"
I pedal the big Machine.
No, I don't know what it does, there's only so much I can see from my seat and I don't get breaks to get up and walk around to peek at the full extent of it.
Accounting.
Need I elaborate?
I stand by the entrance holding a pitchfork, cackling menacingly at the newcomers
I'm making boulder-pushing workout videos (only available on betamax)
Debate Christopher Hitchens about the Iraq war for eternity.
I spend all day in a conference room with Satan, telling him what good ideas he has and how epic his memes are.
Well I have a friend who lives near Hell and he works in a chicken factory, so package corpses I guess.
I would care for the hell trees and plants
Flattening mountains of shit into parking lots of shit using nothing but a trowel
I’m the face in the pillar of flesh that sneers at you when you walk by. It’s really important to me that everyone gets sneered at
i fill the soda machines
For all the people manning the non-stop relay line for pissing in Thatcher's mouth?
I hope to get a chance at demonhood. You better believe I'm gonna use the dark powers of Lucifer himself to torment the bourgeoisie.
I would say torture technician but i think i would probly end up as a Sulfur pool cleaner
Damn, it really would be hell if I needed to work after I died.
If I really had to work I'd want to be the demon in charge of making sinners walk over Legos barefoot.
I'm not even important enough to get my own hellish punishment so my job is to be an extra for someone else's torment.
Hell is other people after all.
I guess I'll be the guy who tells interesting stories but never finishes.
I'm the guy that's constantly doing a collection for something, or has a card for you to sign, or my kids selling cookies
I'm the entertaining clown with a tragic past that ends up smashing one of the embodiments of sin.
JRPG fourth party member ass character arc
poopsmith
sexual mutual aid
Depends on wether I'm being punished or am punishing someone. If I'm punishing someone I'd like to have something to do with the people that step thru doors of a bus or train or metro during rush hour, and then immediately stop, blocking the entrance, despite there being a large crowd behind them that also needs to enter.
Maybe I make them drop stuff right before the train departs? Their ticket, and then I am a ticket controller maybe. Could be fun.
If I'm being punished my job would probably be to endlessly take the metro during rush hour.
Im the ticket taker
Probably printer support
Can I sharpen things? I'm sure stuff needs sharpening in hell.
intake paperwork
I'm a fat little imp that laughs at the inmates of hells misfortune and gets into comedic hijinks by accident up until a bigger demon comes along and eats me