this post was submitted on 06 Dec 2023
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I've tried to "be normal" and fit in for the past 9 years of my life in an ocean of children from bourgeois immigrant families, the most insufferable flaccid energy, cabbage for brains STEM bros called Stanford/MIT/Berkeley students, and carbon copy clones of elite Silicon Valley coders so predictable it's like they're all Nano Puff jackets from the same Patagonia factory and it's caused irreparable damage to my personality and thought patterns

It's ironic that all they do is type 0s and 1s into text files on their computers all day yet they're all fucking 0s. As in Zero chance of avoiding the Wall. Zero chance of redemption. I will re-educate these pickle-ball playing pickle-dick pickles so thoroughly historians will call it the fucking HoloKafka (Streams)

If I was in a room with Hitler, Churchill, Bush, Zuckerberg, a random Google coder, and a gun with 2 bullets in my hand, I'd shoot the coder's index finger off so they can't rock climb any routes harder than a V2 anymore and then

CW: non serious self harmblow my brains out through the roof of my mouth so I don't have to be subjected to this mind poison anymore


This nightmare labyrinth of tech companies is like Scandinavia, where all of its residents are smug bourgeois-proletariats completely drunk on the social democrat lifestyle and benefits but instead of being trapped by artificial human inventions like "borders", I'm trapped by equally dumb bullshit called "shit healthcare", "ever increasing rent prices", and "being born to factory workers instead of wealthy doctors"

You wanna know how I got these scars? After my co-worker said it was a good thing his teammate got laid off and deserved it because he was a slow coder, I bashed his nerd skull into his mechanical keyboard over and over till he was throwing up Soylent and La Croix and accidentally cut my hand on the MX Cherry Red key caps while doing so

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Ah yes my field. I spent like a solid decade thinking I was the crazy one. So many smug arrogant assholes that think they're the peak of humanity.

Anyway I wrote a script that types out code from a random repo to keep my computer showing as active and then i just nap all day.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago

I don't trust the competence of any programmer who isn't able to secretly automate the bulk of their job.

[–] [email protected] 40 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (5 children)

If you understood all the references in this post, I'll see you in hell for all the digital damage you're inflicting on society

[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Ngl I got a good chunk of it from this video and the rest from the Silicon Valley satirists of our time, KRAZAM.

Silicon Valley delenda est

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

I found YouTube links in your comment. Here are links to the same videos on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:

Link 1:

Link 2:

[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

O7

I volunteer for the wall

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Being here just means I can be the quisling when the mob arrives outside to burn the place to the ground rat-salute-2

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

No joke, "commie traitor at pivotal moment" is one of my greatest ambitions in life

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

As a wise philosopher once said, "What is more dangerous than a locked room full of angry Narns? One angry Narn... with a key."

[–] [email protected] 38 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I'm unironically so much happier as a wild-haired communist doom prophet who makes their own clothes than I ever was trying to be "normal". At least this way I get to feel what I actually feel.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 10 months ago

There are many things to not like about my job, but not being surrounded all day by smug STEM bros is not one of them

[–] [email protected] 25 points 10 months ago

late contender for post of the year

[–] [email protected] 25 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Why would I want to be "normal" when "normal" is what got us here in the first place

[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago

someone please etch this onto my heart

[–] [email protected] 23 points 10 months ago

Uphold GaveUp Thought

[–] [email protected] 22 points 10 months ago

nature constricts the minds of the selfish in proportion to their plunder

[–] [email protected] 22 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I always think about that one The Hold Steady line when I talk to tech people: "Big heads and soft bodies make for lousy lovers".

These people are so fucking arrogant, so fucking full of themselves, and they've never worked a day in their life.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

i guess i get what they're sayin but soft bodies are pretty sexy tbh

e: i mean fat people

[–] [email protected] 19 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't want to be normal I want to find other people who are just as weird as me so we can go around freaking out the normies together

Sadly I'm alone because I'm so fucking weird

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I don't want to be normal I want to find other people who are just as weird as me

Won't that just make you comparatively normal?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

For our group of weirdos sure

not to the general populace (boring squares)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

Great post, really like the use of language. I feel the same way re: your last sentence of your first paragraph. I went to a college which is known in the area for its CS/Eng, a lot of my peers were insufferable.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Why is pickle ball a thing

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

I find it hard to hate on pickle ball. I have an uncle with various physical challenges but he's able to get out and play pickle ball OK. It's nice to see him doing something physical and social.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Tech bros mostly only do skiing, tennis, golf, rock climbing, volleyball, badminton, and recently, pickleball as sports

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

as a skier, yeah. 98% of people i have talked to on the slopes are exactly like your post

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

So you...pickle...a ball? brow

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

Because it's fun for the same reason as every other raquette sport but with a lower barrier for entry.

Shitting on pickle ball would have been Dennis learrys opening bit if he was still writing material today.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

This is the kind of post I'm always yearning for!

Trying to fit in with normal people was nauseating.