BountifulEggnog

joined 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

I'm surprised dream demon was able to come back, looked like the vampires were pulling away last I saw the thread.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

I can't imagine a dad not wanting skin to skin, things sound bleak for the straights.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 hours ago (4 children)

weird dreamsIn one of my dreams last night I became a mom and people immediately started giving me shit for wanting to sleep. Then the hospital flooded and I woke myself up.

In another dream my aunt was telling me I need to eat more because of hrt.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

Vampire, although I'm sure poltergeists are not without merit.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

There are a lot of potential upsides. A lot to think about. The idea of being supported like that makes me cry. Thank you.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Ooh I need to start using >:3

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago (5 children)

The idea of coming out is terrifying. My stomach is in knots every time I think about telling anyone outside of hexbear. I told one friend I was questioning a while back and it went well, so I'm not sure what my issue is. I'll try to break down my reasons.

spoilerI worry they'll have bad ideas about trans people. There are lots of bad ideas out there, and it seems like a lot of people don't really care about having good opinions on things. So what might they think about trans people, and what will they think of me?

I worry they won't see me as who I am/want to be seen as. They (family and friends) have only known me as a guy. Will they even believe me? And if I'm just going to be seen as [dead name] pretending to be a girl or whatever... that's way worse.

Some of this might be autism, but I worry I don't know how to act right. I don't know how to be a woman, I don't know how to be trans, I don't understandddddd ohnoes

Status quo changes in general are really hard for me. Slightly off topic, but the church has traumatized me massively. I was taught horrible things and I have struggled ever since. Its still, years after leaving, hard for me to not want to continue traditions from the church. I hate it so much, but its still hard to let go of. And I guess its kinda the same thing here. I know it is bad for me, I know its wrong, I can look around and see the problems. The rot.

spoiler dysphoria Every time I hear myself talk, who do I hear? [deadname]. Every time I look at myself, who do I see? [deadname]. How can I expect better from anyone else? :::

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The zero calorie A&W root beer tastes really good imo, could be worth a try.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Root beer or sprite, depends on if its with dinner or on its own. Root beer is a bit much if I'm eating, not really what I want.

 

After Yuzu got shut down I'm not sure what this leaves people with for switch emulators. I'm going to try and find archives and will update the post when I do.

Last windows build: archive.org

Slightly older, but has linux and mac builds archive.org

Okay there we go, a github mirror: https://git.naxdy.org/Mirror/Ryujinx

 

I am a lazy failure who can't do anything. Basic shit I consistently just... don't do. Its embarrassing. I don't even want to list all of it. I have hobby stuff I've wanted to for years that I've just never gotten set up. Homework? More like I'm not fucking doing that. I've been wanting to take steps for months to get myself on hormones and get clothes but have I done them? No? Of course not, because I'm fucking lazy. All I do is rot. Its been this way for a long time, I can't even remember when the last time I didn't struggle with this. And it doesn't feel like its getting better. If it really is my autism I'm not sure how it ever can get better.

 

I'll get this out of the way at the start, there's a good chance its just other things I'm dealing with. I'm autistic, and have semi recently figured out I'm trans. Those changes have made me a little less stable feeling. CW for the rest of this post for talking about many sad things, although I do not feel sad right now.

self harm, suicide, negativity, drug use, eating, etcLately I have been going from extremely happy to extremely sad, or extremely sad to very happy. As an example, last night I didn't care anymore and wanted to kill myself. Today I am on a cloud and genuinely very happy. Nothing materially changed about my situation, no one talked me down, nothing. I smoked a bit of weed, felt better but still like I'd kill myself if I could, and now (the next day) I'm doing great.

I struggled with depression for a while as a teen. I was self harming (something I have sadly gotten back into), hopeless, all the things. Meds never helped, ketamine didn't help, ECT seemed to help? But the doctor thought I wasn't reporting my symptoms normally or whatever so I never was able to follow up and continue. He felt like it was some personality issue (I'm diagnosed with avpd, but now I feel autism + being trans explains it much better).

But these swings happen a lot. I've made some very impulsive purchases while feeling good and just hoped it would work itself out. But is that because I broke from my depression or because I was some flavor of manic? I think when I have one of my swings people are surprised how fast it is. Just like, the way they tend to respond ("oh I'm glad you're feeling a little better" but like no, I feel completely fine now, on my way to feeling great.)

The swings usually last hours or days, although like I mentioned when I was a teen I was very depressed for a while with basically no ups. I feel like I usually have a bad few days with some random ups, and then a few good days with some random downs (like once a day for a couple hours).

I worry the lows will kill me one day. I get intensely depressed, suicidal, and don't care about my life. If I had access to a gun I would kill myself with it, when I feel like that. Now though, that I'm feeling good? I feel hopeful, full of life and energy, like dying is the last thing I want to happen to me. And especially if things actually don't look good in life and I don't bounce back quickly... I just would.

But I'm not sure if I want to take bipolar medication either. I don't want to feel numb. This feeling of happiness is amazing, it fills me, I just want it to stay around. If my issue isn't bipolar, this could be my normal. But obviously if it is bipolar or something like it... then its not normal and the lows won't lift themselves.

I guess I'm just looking for opinions, my current thought is to keep pushing on transitioning and see if the lows clear up on their own. I honestly have no idea if what I'm describing is normal emotional changes or not. The lows I'm pretty sure are not normal, because they do get bad enough I'll self harm or not eat for a day. Anything to avoid them.

 

A great, slightly more in depth (without being mathy) explanation of transformer models. Mostly talking about AlexNet, an image classifier from 2012. Goes over some history and has some very interesting looks under the hood.

He does use some personifying language for these models, but that's unfortunately the case for most information on the topic.

 
 

I know not many of you care about LLMs/other ai models but I think this really shows the amount of loneliness and in our society. Look at how it presents itself on Google. As an AI that feels alive, always available, that understands you. People don't use this service to summarize text or get help with their programming homework like they might chatgpt. They are selling artificial companionship.

 

bit of a warning but this is a very sad, pathetic and hopeless post. If you're easily made sad you might wanna sit this one out.

avpd is my own personal hell. Its destroying/destroyed my life. I have 2 "friends" I hardly talk to. Dropped out of college. No real prospects. I was born privileged and have just wasted it. I'm a failure. A husk of a person. I've never been on a single date. I'm just sitting here spinning my wheels. And the wheels aren't really spinning anymore. I'm so desperately lonely, but I just... can't. I don't even know how I'd meet people, if I could step out. I'm so lonely, and sad and FUCK being a social creature. What a cruel joke. A social creature that has a fucking personality disorder so they avoid socializing. WHAT THE FUCK. And this shit's permanent. Its who I am. Sure I can "cope" better but I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING COPE I WANT TO BE NORMAL WTF. I WANT TO BE LOVED AND LOVE PEOPLE AND I JUST CAN'T. ITS TOO DAMN HARD.

suicideI just wish I could die. I can't take this. I'm such a waste. Being alive is too painful as an anti social, social being.

 

Apparently it's 177 regions but I don't know how to check.

 

That's the post whoo whoo

 

That's the post dumbass

 

that's the submission fellas

 

that's the post folks

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