GayTuckerCarlson

(MIAMI, Florida) Long time editor in chief of Fake News Times, Melina, has been found dead in their Miami condo. They were 59. The award-winning journalist, famous for breaking the Jeffery Epstein case in 2007, was discovered by CIA in the late afternoon. Their death was being treated on Saturday night as "unexplained" but sources said the long time writer had died of an apparent crack overdose.

The Miami Police said: "We were called by Emergency Dispatch to an address in Downtown Miami shortly before 1700 hours following reports of a person found deceased covered in shit. On arrival officers found the body of a 59 year-old journalist who was pronounced dead at the scene."

"It was either the crack or the IBS. Hard to tell" said one anonymous source

Melina first joined Fake News Time in the 1970s as a special crack correspondent and was noted for there ability to get deeper into the story than anyone else was willing to go. "They could take down a mountain of crack like it was nothing" said senior editor Tucker Carlson. "You could have a mountain of crack out, enough to kill 10 men, and they would smoke it like it was nothing."

Senior editor Regular A. Bitch said in a press release "I'm gay and my little pud is pretty small. That's funny Melina died. 7/10 bit to die of a crack overdose in 2023. Seriously, who even smokes crack anymore? Jfc just hop on fent"

Junior Labor Union correspondent H.O. Main said in a quick statement while entering a Burger King bathroom "She sucks and I'm glad they [CIA] did her in". Junior Italian Correspondent Arty Set stated "I'm vegan" upon hearing the news

Worst comm on the site run by the least funny people

Good

He was in the electric chair

$1.2 billion dollars has been diverted from the hexbear commune Belt and Road payout fund to acquire Jezebel and Jezebel Media from G/O Media

(CNN) - Joe Biden said he "shouldn't have been so cavalier" on Thursday hours after he told a Jewish-American radio host who accosted Biden for sending lethal aid to Israel "Im the real Jew here. I support Israel and its right to self defense."

The presidents comment came at the end of an at times tense interview followed by a short question and answer session at a League of Women Voters conference in Iowa

A man later identified as a Jewish person part of the pro-hamas group Jewish Voices for Peace said to biden "I'm gay, and I'm Jewish, and I don't support Israel. How can you speak for all jews in America when so many of us don't support apartheid?" The crowd began roaring at the protestor and Biden quickly snapped back, "Listen, we need to support our allies from bloodthirsty terrorist. I'm the real Jew here. I support Israel and its right to self defense. I denounce anti-sematism in all its forms"

A staffer interjected that Biden needed to go.

Later on Thursday afternoon, Biden addressed his comments in a call with the influential American Israel Public Affairs Committee saying, "I shouldn't have been such an Irish honky" and insisting he doesn't take Jewish voters for granted

"The bottom line of all of this perhaps I was much too cavalier. I know that the comments have come off like I was defining what it means to be Jewish and Im not, nothing could be further from the truth. I've never, ever done that and I've earned the Jewish vote every time I've run," he said.

They sent Joseph a piece of his sons finger in the mail. He asked for more proof

(CBS) BOSTON - The Boston Red Sox announced the death of longtime right-handed pitcher Tim Wakefield on Sunday. He was 57 years old.

The team issued the following statement:

Wake embodied true goodness; a devoted husband, father, and teammate, beloved broadcaster, and the ultimate community leader. He gave so much to the game and all of Red Sox Nation.

Our deepest love and thoughts are with Stacy, Trevor, Brianna, and the Wakefield family.

Wakefield, one of the majors' last prominent knuckleballers, appeared in 627 career games over 19-big-league seasons. He amassed a 4.41 ERA (105 ERA+) and a 1.79 strikeout-to-walk ratio. His contributions were worth an estimated 34.4 Wins Above Replacement, according to Baseball-Reference's calculations.

Wakefield began his career with the Pittsburgh Pirates. He was released early in the 1995 season, and subsequently latched on with the Red Sox. Despite debuting with Boston as a 28-year-old, he would go on to become the franchise's all-time leader in games started and innings pitched. Wakefield also ranks third in wins and sixth in Wins Above Replacement

Never played the game (fuck westerners lol) but I notice there is a correlation between being deeply immersed in rdr2 and being miserable

He must be right. Last time I visited (1959) people were grazing on their front lawns!