It's pretty annoying because sex is actually pretty cool, it can be fun even with various sensory issues, but my apparent default reaction is for my brain to just disconnect and leave my body limp and unmoving. Still got the instinct to be somebody's fucktoy, but not in the cool fun way. It's that initial hurdle that's hardest to get over, like my brain just tries its hardest to reject all the input it's getting and plays music instinctually. Why? Do not fucking distract me.

Just recently I've had real success overcoming this and being present instead, but holy fuck did it ever exhaust my brain, it was worse than overstimulation I was so tired. I'm still really galled that I have to painfully drag myself through all of this trauma that was inflicted on me by an uncaring ex a decade ago when we were teenagers, but at least I'm capable of it.

I did not remember that maybe cutting down my cypro dose might raise my sex drive a bit, but it did and that's what this is all about. Time and becoming none biney do seem to have helped a lot, and I feel a lot more clarity about what I do and don't want, like it's tough but I think things are going well. :::