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this post was submitted on 15 Jul 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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even more trauma stuff
Anyway sorry for shitting up the mega
processing trauma
I think it's important to keep in mind that processing trauma is less about "figuring things out" and more about recontextualizing thoughts.For people like me, I tend to ruminate on things endlessly to "solve a problem" in my mind. However, with human experiences, there's no real answer that we can come to. There's no new thought that we can think to solve it all.
I might recommend that you continue to have these thoughts but try to place them in a context in which they aren't painful anymore. If they become non-threatening (they are because they are only thoughts), then it's easier for you to let them go.
There are lots of ways to do this if you'd like to work on it.
trauma, tmi
I'm mostly trying to arrive at answers about how I feel and my desires now, as for the actual trauma I do just think about it in different contexts. I probably never ever express sexual desire and never figured out how because it wasn't a relevant factor in my ex using me as a realdoll all the time. Probably didn't want to alert her to anything as I became less and less willing.Idk why it hurts so much thinking about this shit, I guess because I've never expressed this shit before, and thinking Sexual Trauma in such close proximity to my current relationship (cool, good, based) is uh bad. It just feels stressful and exhausting.
sex and trauma, SA
Sexual trauma is so hard to work through because of the role sex plays in society, the emotions it raises in us, and the fact that it's tied to pleasure.Recently, when I'm feeling really anxious, I keep seeing how some of my sexual urges reflect what I went through when I was sexually assaulted, and it makes me sick. I think it's so twisted that something so intimate and that makes me happy can remind me of that.
I hope that you can find that space from your past. I know you're in a good relationship now, and you feel safe enough to express these things publicity. Try not to live through those past moments over and over-- it won't help. Try to focus on who you are now and what you have.
aww yea sex trauma SA !!!
Haha, imagine having sexual urges... I don't think I really do, I'm pretty sure I just go with the libidinous flow, like sex is enjoyable now and then but I only have the most vague idea of what I want.Um say so if this is too prying, but you mean that your desires have been influenced by your SA? That does sound really fuckin unpleasant
It's not pleasant to keep getting reminded of...
My brain has really firmly wiped out all memories after a certain point, like the last two years with my ex are just fucking gone. I remember other things, but "her and I" in those two years no longer exists. I don't even remember what it was like. So it's sort of a weird fog? But thanks, I'm glad traumadumping all over the mega is fine and good
One of the worst things about it is that despite it being a teenage relationship, my first, I did not learn anything useful from it, about myself or sex generally. I'm having to tiptoe through all this bs now... at least I can though 
more fun
So, I've heard this is pretty common for people with ADHD. I'm not sure, but I think you've mentioned being that?
Well, it's a matter of how I interpret the narrative of my life. I could connect the dots in a way where I can see a clear connection. But that's a choice on my part, I guess. I don't need to see it that way. And it's only some of my desires, not all. Still sucks tho.
This sucks (maybe). I don't have any experience with that, so I can't advise. I'm happy that you can work through these things safely now
I am actually enjoying this chat fwiw
I think at least some adhd-like symptoms at this point. I also have the autism and the asexuality, but it's a really good cocktail. How does adhd factor in?I see, understandable
Part of me thinks the forgetting is bad and my brain shouldn't have, part of me is so fucking thankful it has and I think I got the gist of the experience without reliving all of it in Crystal Clear Full HD! and shit. But yeah my wife is rad y'know, wifegang
yeah, it's good to air it out. I haven't talked about it before
I don't know about ADHD, so maybe someone else can chime in. I get this from my wife because she's researching symptoms because she thinks she has it.Basically, ADHD may just keep you focused on different things rather than physical maintenance like eating, drinking, or sexing. So some people with ADHD describe sex like "oh, I forgot to do it" in the same way someone might "forget to eat" a meal that day. Idrk tho.
Yeah, there's really no really no reason to dig those memories up if you don't need to. My therapist calls that excavation work, and it's kind of an antiquated process that goes back to psychoanalysis. If your memories are causing you stress in the present, then you need to reconcile. If they aren't, then it's always best just to look forward.
Edit: wifegang
there's a ton of co-morbidity with autism, I get hyperfocus and hyperfixations and will go hours holding in needing to pee for example, just simply not feel it.. because I'd be doing something else lol
Yeah, she thinks she might be autistic as well lol.
Gonna try to get a diagnosis soon, but it's really difficult to get diagnosed as an adult woman
Yeah we've both questioned ADHD for a few years but it's like there's so many overlapping things it's hard to tell.
Mhm I spent about 3 years researching it once we figured out I was autistic lol not hard to tell really but thankfully there's a lot of info and the reddit community was fairly decent surrounding it, lots of info out there too so at least you can get a fairly decent idea. Getting a diagnosis can suck, also one specialised for women can be hard to find too so I wish you both the best on that.
nice =)
Oh huh, banger tbh. I thought therapists would be pro pulling everything up and sorting it out, but I guess as long as a buried memory is not the unknown cause of suffering right? That fucks honestly.
therapy
Haha, yeah, my therapist has been good, especially these last few years.When I first started seeing her about anxiety, I was gonna hop into my childhood and she was like "nah" lol. She basically said that the origins of these issues aren't necessarily the causes. The cause of our pain is how we think about things now, and we have control over that.
She was also cool about my gender stuff and was like "that's awesome. Keep doing that." When the topic of being trans came up, she was like "idk, but keep exploring that if it makes you happy."
We also talk about sex and for some reason it came up that she pegs her husband lmao*
(Laughing that the topic came up during therapy. Not laughing about pegging. Pegging is based)
therapy ii
Good advice.
Nah I should think about it MORE! It needs to be did! Infinite trauma processing upon my grey matter
Well then I hope you process it! Figure everything out and then be done! (I don't have trauma so I really do not know if this is the right thing to do
)