traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Hey Trans comrades, got a question about questioning. If it's inappropriate to do this here, lmk asap and I'll delete. Don't wanna intrude in an undesirable way but pretty sure I'm not breaking any rules.
So I've said before that I feel no strong attachment to my gender, but I live daily as a masc-presenting cis-man and am not bothered by it. But the Q-label is always something I've questioned whether I can apply it permanently to myself. Seems like I'm constantly questioning, for years, what kind of gender would really apply to me because just "average Man" doesn't seem like me, but nothing really does either (not even agender). But I'm confortable enough with myself that I think I will never do anything except continue enjoying the questioning itself and learning from that questioning about myself and others. But I comfortably just go with cis-man and feel intrusive in queer spaces as anything but an Ally.
So the final question, is Questioning dialectical and possibly permanent for 1 person or is it dialectical as in it will have to be subsumed in something else during a person's lifetime (assuming you get the chance to complete such a thing)? Any comrades that have experience here want to pitch in? Ready to learn :denguin:
This is the exact way I felt, and I identify as agender. But after I realized I'm a gender I stopped seeing myself as masc-presenting and just started to see myself as me.
Questioning or unsure or "man I guess, idk" are perfectly valid identities. If the word agender doesn't seem to fit you, then you don't need to label yourself as such. Honestly, there is no need to find a permanent label for yourself at all, but if you find one that you are comfortable with, then go for it.
Thank you for reaching out and asking btw!
Thanks comrade! Very clear and enlightening.
Only you can answer the question of who you are, or how you identify, comrade
Honestly the larger societal idea of what a man is and should be is trash, if you want to call yourself a man but dont feel like you fit what other people expect, make the circle encompassing what a man is larger
I'm sure youre gonna get some better answers than this, I'm more vibes than theory today
I also feel this conversation / comment is fine here
Already a great answer, especially about making the circle bigger. Much love, comrade.
I still would love to hear if anyone has strong opinions about the permanence of questioning as itself an aspect of gender. Wondering about other's experiences
Thanks for the time and comment!
I think through reading your 2nd part there, about being open-minded, kinda helped me realize my feeling a bit better. I find myself often wondering if my questioning of my gender is because of a question about gender existing broadly, universally, or a question about my own experience of my gender. And I have no answer for that but am happy floating there.
So thanks for the comment, definitely helped a good amount.
It's always cool to imagine that freedom of non-binary, love it for you!
Makes sense. Sorta the "do I feel this way because I'm a fish in water who doesn't realize water exists or am I just missing an experience everyone else has or is everyone else also just pretending gender exists so Big Bathroom can sell more bathrooms?"
On your point about questioning whether gender exists, I personally never thought it did. It took talking with trans people for years to finally get that it is real, I just don't have it. I had been treating it like a kind of astrology.
I love this, and wholeheartedly agree! Itβs always a struggle for balance such that marginalized voices are not silenced or feel unwelcome to speak, however. So far we have done well on this comm with just how many mods we have.
Being in the Questioning mode probably won't survive contact with finding something that actually vibes with you, so to say. In the world of gender, there is plenty of space to be non-binary, or gender fluid, or void, or agender, or demi, or etc all of which if one was a cis man in the questioning phase might feel drawn to. (If you've never seen those terms, you should check em out, particularly demigender which seems to align with how you feel)
That doesn't mean Questioning ends, cause like every trans person of every stripe also has the fun experience of "yeah, but am I really x gender? Sure, I'm on HRT or sure, I'm present non binary and I get a kick out of people unsure of which bucket I fit or sure, I presented masc yesterday and femme today - but am I reallllllly x gender or am I just faking it to myself." And I imagine for the cis+, that is the cis people who've gone through a questioning phase and figured that despite it all they're still cis, they probably have something similar. If you like thinking about your gender, that's fine you don't have to resolve it - but I'll say you'll probably be happier coming out in a more definitive stance even if that stance is non-permanenet and fluid (such a thing is allowed to happen). You don't have to find a label that applies to you, just a way of being that makes you feel happy.