CW: transphobia-lite(?)
She's so caught up in my "case" being such an outlier that there must be "something else" going on. She says she never noticed anything in me as a child that would point to gender dysphoria, and that since I was a fairly strong-willed child I would have let someone know. She's also linked to reputable-seeming studies about mean age of first experiencing gender dysphoria in trans youth, which peg it around 4-7 years old.
And she's right. I never had any gender dysphoria as a child, not really, and I still don't even see myself as a "girl stuck in a guy's body". I consider myself a guy who wants to become a girl, not because being a guy is so horrible, but because being a girl seems very nice.
My therapist tells me this is valid, that people have their different experiences of being trans, but my mom is so caught up in this data she's found.
Another thingβshe's adamantly against me doing HRT due to the risks of estrogen and trauma from her breast cancer. I've since found data claiming that breast cancer risk in trans women on HRT is higher than for cis men, but lower than cis women, so unless she thinks my sister ought to take estrogen blockers there's no reasonable worry there.
All this culminates in her saying that she can't bear to live with me if I choose to go on HRT. She's not kicking me out, but she wants us to live separately. Problem is we're both jobless which makes getting approved for two new apartments difficult.
Needless to say this all sucks. Before I broached the topic last year I never would have expected this kind of reaction from her. I just don't see why it has to be such a scary thing for her. Every time I try to talk to her about it I'm filled with the doubt that radiates from her in waves. I do want to move out on my own but financially it's not the best move.
Idk what I'm asking for here. Data or anecdotes about realizing you're trans later in life would be nice? Warm fuzzy feelings from internet people? I dunno
first off
you are valid in your experience. outliers exist! that's why we have a name for it and a systematic way to think about it!
so (not a doctor), but i believe that breast cancer risk is essentially related to rate of cell reproduction in the organ, which is largely why the rate for cis men is the lowest. cis women regularly increase their risk by taking estrogen in the form of the birth control pill as well. your taking HRT is objectively not a statistical danger to you personally. not that you should have to debate your transition to your mother with facts and logic, but you certainly could if you wanted. her point isn't factually correct.
most of the trans women i know did not realize and start transitioning until later in life, like in their 20's.
i don't have any real answers though, that's a tough and awful situation for you to be put in. good luck in whatever you choose, you are valid in being in this unwinnable situation by just being yourself.
That's one of her points actually, that my sister is can't use estrogen based birth control due to the risks it presents so I shouldn't take estrogen either. But since my risk would be even lower than my sister's is without supplemental estrogen, and my mom isn't raising hell to get my sister to rid all estrogen from her system, I don't see it as too much of a valid concern
exactly, it's just not worth worrying about relative to living in a society of gas-burning cars and genitalian microplastic accumulation
Broke: not transitioning
Woke: transitioning with traditional HRT
Bespoke: transitioning by ingesting a precise mixture of endocrine disrupting forever chemicals contained withing burger king food wrappers
She hasn't said anything about genes to my knowledge, but definitely made a point to link estrogen to breast cancer. That's why I'd like to talk to people at a clinic and at least figure out what's up with that