Wait wait. I had those same things as a kid. I had no idea transition is possible. I was quite cisnormative as a kid too. I thought it was disgusting that amab people would present in any way that wasn't cisnormative. It took me a very long time to get to where I was. My mindset was "Oh, I would have liked to been born a woman but I wasnt so I can't do that and I don't want to". I never cross dressed, and if you asked me to as a kid or even a young adult I wouldn't have ever done it. For a long time trans people didn't make me jealous. They made me embarrassed. Like "Oh my god you're really doing that? How are you doing that don't you know that's wrong?" Kind of thoughts. Ironically I also did respect pronouns all the time but it was scary for me. Even 2 years ago I don't think you could havw gotten me into a dress if you tried.

It wasn't until I recognized in myself that I've always wanted to be a woman in my thoughts and that if I could, I would choose to do a perfect gender transition where I didn't have to deal with any societal issues. Then I worked backwards and realized that I could try all this stuff... and I did. And I loved it. And it was better than I ever could have imagined. But yes, the road was very very confusing for me too.