Gods I'm the same way, even though I've come out to some friends, I'm deathly afraid to change my presentation until I can somehow 'prove' myself. In my mind, that way is to have a 'presentable' voice and hide my facial hair shadow (or be rid of it completely), and until those things happen I'll be constantly thinking about it.

Luckily I don't externalize these feelings and I'm incredibly jealous of the trans people who can socially present the way they want to without fear of judgement, but we're always harshest on ourselves right?

Speaking personally, I find people like it when I present the way I want to way more than when I present in the way I'm expected to. Presenting as yourself just looks better and more natural and people can tell.

Obviously there are cases where safety is a concern, but dying your hair is a relatively safe thing to do to test the waters for a presentation change. Also, worst case scenario, if it doesn't work out it's always temporary, especially if you're just going to dye it white it wouldn't be that hard to dye it to another colour if you end out unhappy with it.

UPDATE: i cut my hair this morning. im happy with it. feels good