it won't even be funny
this post was submitted on 27 Jun 2024
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askchapo
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NO! SHUT UP!! π°
It's gonna be awful. Two mumbling old men who's brains have melted yelling at each other. Maga will say Trump won. BlueMaga will say Biden won. The rest of us look on in horror that these 2 decrepit husks are somehow the best this system could muster up. And I become fully 
The real horror will be watching all the propagandists asking each other stuff like "When the US needs to launch the nukes at China, will Biden be too impotent to do it?", "Americans don't want to see us capitulate to Russia, will Biden's arms deals to Ukraine be what wins him the nomination?", "Americans want Israel to teach the terrorists a lesson, but Biden said that Palestinians are human, will that become a problem for him?", "Trump's competent and actionable plan to use illegal migrant criminals as animal feed may prove to be more appealing to voters than Biden's limp-dick work camps", "both candidates seemed to put forth strong proposals for dealing with the excess homeless, lets discuss their plans".
Kind of obvious but probably the most heated back-and-forth will be when theyβre arguing over who loves Israel more and who will do more to ensure Israel can continue their genocide.
"No one is a bigger lover of Israel. I have been a Zionist for decadesβ"
"Excuse me, excuse me. Who's daughter is Jewish? Biden? No - Trump. Whoβ"
A moderator jumps in: "President Trump - again we imploreβ"
"No. Biden liar. And wrong-wrong-wrong. Who moved the embassy to Jerusalem? Biden? No - Trump. Whoβ"
"Hey! Who do I gotta beat in a one-armed wrestling pushup contest to get a word in? The Orange Guy keeps interrupting me!"
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Yep! βWere there not an Israel, the United States of America would have to invent an Israel to protect her interest in the region.β β US Senator Joe Biden, 1986.
Biden will talk about a bunch of bad things he did as if they're good things and Trump will say they're bad things but for the wrong reasons
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100% chance both will say extremely racist things about Palestinians, migrants, Chinese people and Iranians
40% chance at least one of them will say something condescending and paternalistic about black people
50% chance Trump will bring up culture war nonsense like DEI
75% chance Biden will openly bash left liberals in an attempt to counter Trump's "out of touch with whi- Heartland" comments
30% chance Biden will say something fucked up about abortion
50% chance Trump will say something half way decent about abortion
95% chance Biden downplays inflation
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two senile old men argue over who can be more fascist
aneurysm on live TV
Dual aneurysm and the people desperate to run in 2028 begin eating their still warm corpses to absorb their power.
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They give Biden enough Vyvanse to ace a battery of Chinese Imperial Exams.
Trump comes out with his mojo back. Hopefully he mentions something like the handsome pilots or a Broadway musical he saw 40 years ago. That's where the entertainment value is for me. They're never letting Biden talk about Corn Pop or Aunt Gertie again.
They're never letting Biden talk about Corn Pop or Aunt Gertie again.
But at any time - Biden's brain might decide the youngsters need to hear about Corn Auntie Gertie Pop.
I just want to hear him talk about how the banks don't give out sacks of oranges for Christmas like they did in 1972.
I hope they both have fun and try their best!
It's very important that regardless of the outcome to reinforce how special they truly are - they both get a trophy,
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The debate is gonna be rigged, but not to give either candidate a tangible advantage. It's gonna be rigged to make both candidates look and sound like normal people with normal opinions who aren't currently decomposing alive. They can't do this for just Biden because whatever conditions he needs to appear normal in public are probably the exact same conditions Trump needs to do his thing.
They can't do this for just Biden because whatever conditions he needs to appear normal in public are probably the exact same conditions Trump needs to do his thing.
It's not just, like, the room temperature and chair tilt, but also the camerawork and moderation that influence this, and those can absolutely be biased, though idk what the bias would even be since I'm not following this
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I completely forgot there was going to be a Trump/Biden debate. With that said, the only thing thatβll make it worth watching is if it ends in two high-profile fatalities.
Bob Dole predicts Bob Dole ainβt watching that shit
Excited to see how Biden's latest facelift is.
Hopeful we get at least one Trumpism, bonus points if somebody's eye fills with blood.
if somebody's eye fills with blood.
Lightning strikes twice - inshallah. If it happens - it's emote time.
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CW: This lizard squirts blood out of its eyes.
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Biden promises all the same things he did 4 years ago, brings up Jan 6th all the time. He brings up 1 half way decent policy he implemented and hyper fixates on it.
Trump says all the bad stuff happening right now is Bidens fault and wouldn't have happened with him in office.
Both of them foam at the mouth over migrants coming into the country.
Both of them compete over who has more unconditional support for Israel, Trump still manages to call Biden Genocide Joe in between 2 sentences of how he would support Israel more
Biden will try to fight the moderator
One of them might say the N-word or tankie. We are long overdue.
I could maybe see "Tankie" piercing through Trump's social circles and winding up in his vocabulary just cus he's catty and vindictive and the people in his favor are always shifting. But Biden? No way. I think his team are very careful what they say around him. Plus, there's gotta be, like, at least one or two degrees of kevin bacon between him and anyone online enough to use that word.
Biden definitely remembers things 30+ years ago better than what he heard yesterday so he'll probably just assume "tankie" is really about Dukakis
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shit pants on stage
They've got Biden on a week straight regimen of MREs and they're going to squeeze him to make sure they've got anything loose out before the debate.
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modafinil shortage
The only thing I care about is I'm 100% sure China will be brought in several topics and
100% Both candidates will call Xi a dictator.
100% Both will say the US needs to be tougher on China. Trump will remember his "trade war" and call it a great success. Biden will call the Russia related sanctions a great success and both will promise more.
100% both will say some lipservice BS about protecting "American jobs" and this is why they need to be more racist.
60% Trump will say he has a great relationship with ~~Xi~~ Kim because he will mix them up.
75% Xinjiang or "Chinese slave labor/genocide" will be brought up.
100% Taiwan support for "democracy" will be mentioned and both will support it unconditionally.
30% Taiwan independence will be brought up specificaly and if the CPC still got any delusions about avoiding a war for Taiwan this should be their wake up call. There wont be any further excuses when literaly both candidates call and promise to support it.
My actual bold prediction is that the debate isnβt going to happen because somebody (or both) backs out last minute
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One of my favorite Hexbear memories (chapo.chat at the time) was the community watch party for the first Trump-Biden debate in 2020. I got drunk, and afterwards we started playing music videos and I got introduced to the Paradise Killer soundtrack by a fellow user.
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I just hope both of them have fun
A non zero number of candidates shit their pants.
That it wonβt matter. At most, debates only move polls by a couple of percentage points. This one is so early and the US has become so polarized that it wonβt move the needle at all.
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