I (accidentally) cut myself pretty badly shaving (I was doing it wrong). I then did not take care of it properly, and now the problem is worse.
At some point I'll take care of myself properly, I hope.
this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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Final Fantasy XI
Final Fantasy XI is the eleventh numbered installment in the… Okay, you know what it is, I’m just going to tell you about one of the storylines!
During the Wings of the Goddess expansion, adventurers will be sent back in time to experience the events of the Crystal War, a cataclysmic event that is the foundation for conflicts of the modern-day timeline. Should an adventurer choose to serve the Kingdom of San d’Oria, they will be immersed in the story of the Young Griffons—a group of children who would see themselves knights, many of whom grow into prominent characters later in life.
Among the Young Griffons, the player will find Bistillot, a shy boy who doesn’t like to be seen. With his penchant for engineering, shy demeanor, and lack of combat potential, Bistillot prefers to spend his time inside of an orcish war machine that he was able to repair to working condition.
He is often seen before he is heard, with his signature phrase, “HAAAALLOOOOOOOOO” being used to hail the adventurer. Through the course of the story, Bistillot finds his way, even contributing to the war effort with his engineering skills.
However, when another member of the Young Griffons is kidnapped and taken to the present day, the adventurer must return to the present day and reunite with the Young Griffons’ present selves! The adventurer’s first contact in the present day is Bistillot. When the adventurer hears the signature “HAAAALLOOOOOOO,” Bistillot approaches the player, but what the player sees is… a woman?? She introduces herself as Bostilette, a “friend of Bistillot.”
After the rescue mission, Bostilette comes clean. She is, of course, the very same Bistillot who was a little boy twenty years earlier. She explains that she was very sick as a baby, so her parents gave her a boy’s name so that she would be stronger and survive the illness. Once she overcame the illness, she was comfortable to reclaim her name and gender. Well, that closes the book on that story, except… I’ve decided that’s bullshit!
I have unilaterally decided that Bostilette is trans, the sickness she had was dysphoria, she stayed in the orcish war machine because she was an egg, and I hope you all agree!
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As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well. Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
If it's infected, go get medical attention (not necessary emergency unless it's real bad bad). Otherwise, keep it clean! Maybe polysporin, maybe some warm compress. And be gentle with yourself! I know we always shave against the grain to get it smoother... also use sharp razors (dull razors pull out hair and can cut). You can kind of resharpen disposable razors by using jeans and like pushing up against the fabric rather than pulling down like you'd be shaving your jeans lol. Use clean jeans and make sure you wash your razor really good.
I don't think its infected, the scab is just attached to my sock in a really not great way. Probably should have put a bandaid on or something. I'll try and do that, I'm not sure what first aid supplies are in the house but I will clean it out. This was a brand new one, but thank you that's really good to know. Being able to make them last longer is really nice for me.
Apparently altered time perception is a symptom of dissociation. I can still feel my senses for the most part, but I’m definitely dissociating. Wonder when the last time I wasn’t was.
Wonder when the last time I wasn’t was.
Definitely something I wondered when I finally learned the word to put to my experience. Weird how having a name to describe something brings attention to something you've been experiencing for long enough that its hard to know how long you've been experiencing it.
I’ve known I was dissociating for a while but it’s weird to forget about the concept and be like “oh, that’s what explains all those symptoms again.” Same with OCD. Speaking of which, I think part of the (presumably) recent exacerbation was the OCD finally figuring out to repress some stuff. My life’s not even that traumatic. Why brain?
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therapist stopped practicing lol lmao
that must suck
ehh I'm the one that left lol
Good for them tbh
so it really is lol lmao
Yeah tried to go back, "oh they're retired" cool cool cool 😎
Y'all can look at the previous mega, I was just having in gender thoughts, found a good name, and was wondering if and when my gender would change.
Well...
Guess who's back
Back again
[Femme name redacted]'s back
Tell a friend
might be getting ahead of myself, but it seems like it could and maybe has happened
Thesis: Binary
Antithesis: Non-Binary
Synthesis: Bigenderism
If you couldn't tell, I'm trying to make up for a shitty day at work. I wish I could say that wasn't literal.
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I'm wearing one of my sweaters from the shopping trip out in public today 👀 feelin' gooooooood
Based Sweater :lets-fucking-go:
Now that I have 2 names, I find genuine enjoyment in having them chat with each other in my head, like a simulation.
What if everything is just a simulation and we're in the matrix or something?
I just saw I saw the TV glow and fully expected to hate it, but it was actually beautiful. Also mildly painful to watch, but there is a sad, haunting wonder both in its visuals and its themes.
I liked it but didn't identify as much the way a lot of other people did. I wrote about it earlier but for example
spoiler
I transed my gender in our real life midnight realm and I didn't waffle particularly long in questioning (questioning was maybe a couple weeks for me). So it didn't hit me as hard in that aspect.
I did think it was a cute and touching movie though! I just didn't identify as strongly with it.
Yeah, i wouldn't say i could strongly identify with it, either. Relate to many of the themes, yes, but emotionally i'd say it was more like giving me a feeling of a hard to pinpoint weariness and melancholy. There's a lot of media that makes me cry, there's a lot of often much more vaguely trans-related horror that either fills me with abject terror or makes me feel empowered in a positively monstrous way and that film didn't do any of either.
spoiler
That's in spite of me coming out in my early 40s, so i spent about as much time as an egg as the protagonist has at the end of the movie. I still wouldn't say it really captured my experience, although i get that feeling of never being fully there that is referred to as "just narrating your own life" or smth like that in the movie. And there's other stuff throughout the movie that makes me go "yeah, i understand that", but it doesn't feel like the story of my past. It's not the way i survived, not the way i repressed things and often not the way things broke through and bubbled up to the surface, either. But that's fine, people are built differently and have different experiences.
nsfw
May have broken my vocel oath last night ;)
congratsss :3
(what is that x3)
spoiler
If you weren't here before it was called chapo.chat or before it was a subreddit, it's probably not gonna make tons of sense - volcel pledge is voluntary celibate and it stands in purposeful sarcastic contrast with incel (involuntary celibate).
Also helps weed out the chasers and tamps down on excessive horniness that can make places feel unwelcoming. This is like a 6 year old inside joke
ahhhhh gotcha
I'm assuming this was a situation for which felicitations are appropriate. If not, please ignore.
Congrats!!
Thabks 😊😊😊
hello new mega! i walked to class today. 0/10 do not recommend.
I've been seeing TMA and TME in bios on tumblr lately, and Jules Gill-Peterson talk about it a little. I know what they mean broadly, but was wondering what's the story behind them? What's the reasoning behind using them? Kinda afraid to ask, but online searches haven't been very helpful.
Jules Gill-Peterson
We have Canadian 
historians specialising in transgender history?
TMA and TME though, many people seemed to use transmisogyny exempt and affected to recreate a binary, again. Shouts to the transfemme person who screamed at me to Read Whipping Girl when I asserted that maybe not every single trans man is a misogynist, (paraphrasing, been a while) lol.
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tma and tme stand for transmisogyny affected and transmisogyny exempt. so tma would be anyone transfem and tme would be cis men and women, transmascs, and the non-binary people not considered affected by transmisogyny. i've mostly seen the term crop up when contrasting the experiences of transfems and transmascs, especially when discussing (trans)misogynistic transmasculine people.
Honestly, (trans)misogynistic transmascs are a pain in the ass, but in the end they're just incel ideologues or liberal chauvinists like any other masc person with problematic views, and the reason is largely the same, they latch onto male privilege to lord it over women. As people navigating a masc-aligned gender role, they intuitively get how to center yourself in conversations, how to silence women and how to be a petty, power-grabbing piece of shit in general, because our society provides ample role models, material and ideological incentives and culturally ingrained leeway for that. It has to to maintain patriarchal property and power relations. Trans men are men and sometimes, some of them are men in the worst ways possible, it comes with the territory when you live in a society that enables male violence in all kinds of ways.
The main difference is that they are people i run into in supposed safer spaces, but it never sat well with me to give them their own trans-specific label, i honestly don't think these dinguses deserve it. They're just misogynist swine like all the other misogynist swine. And i wouldn't say that all transmasculine people are united by a shared lived experience of not experiencing what i go through, trans experiences are a bit too diverse for that. I get a feeling that there's a neo-binarist essentialism to the TME and TMA labels, and i do not use them when calling out (trans)misogyny. I do that a lot, i had to do that with somebody in a trans space just yesterday, but i did not need to call dem TME for that. If i needed an expression for that person, i would go with transmisogynist, joyless pile of spite and insecurity, that seems more fitting than TME.
The gender binary 3.0 
Not really. You're thinking of AFAB & AMAB. TME/TMA generally still retains its specific & theoretically useful definition of one's proximity to transmisogyny.
Yes but like, I'm sure nobody would ever use these as synonymous noun replacements for "AFAB" and "AMAB" and just make another new gender binary... right..............
Remind me in 5 years lol
It can be useful for (trans or not) femme intersex people too