Ask Lemmy

I'm not here to tell you who you are or anything but the feelings you mention are similar to some asexual experiences. I'm ace myself and enjoy masturbation or sex in some very specific settings, but generally it doesn't feel like much to me, it's just like a very generic sense of like "something is touching my skin".

In the specific settings, it does feel like something more than just physical touch, and I can actually trigger those same sensations without physical touch most of the time. To explain it? Idk it kind of feels like I'm floating.

The thing is, you can’t just say ”how does it feel physically” when it comes to sex, masturbation yes, but not sex.

Masturbation feels like having a sneeze that keeps building up and you just gotta get it out. Instant satisfaction when it happens but 1 minute later you don’t care anymore.

Sex is a different beast entirely (with someone you care about emotionally I should add, otherwise it’s not much different to intense masturbation), the physical satisfaction becomes very much secondary and can even ruin things sometimes. The biggest thing in that situation is the emotional, feeling the other persons entire body touching yours, the intense emotional pleasure of knowing you are causing them physical pleasure, feeling connected as one. Those are the aspects that really make making love a special thing. Cumming is like I mentioned both a bummer because the amazing moment is over but can also be so incredibly intense if you do it together.

That’s just my take though.

If you are having sex with a woman it is necessary to be fully erect. This may require some hand manipulation by the female. If their body is attractive enough you can achieve a full erection just by looking at them. As you thrust into them you will quickly reach an edge point. If you want to last longer you break your rhythm of thrusting. When you resume you will eventually hit that edge and once you get there, there is no turning back. You will start to ejaculate. And it feels great. A release. Depending on who you are doing this with your brain will become like jelly for a few minutes. When you are all done you will feel great.

Wanna trade places?

I think I can best break up my experience into three bits, each with their own (possibly odd) comparable sensations.

1. Hornyness

To me, this feels very similar to when I want to eat. Not hunger, but when I am craving candy, chocolate or caffeine.

2. Physical sensation

The closest I can think of is the sensation of someone running their fingers trough my hair. Perhaps not your thing, but getting my hair washed at the barbershop is always great.

3. Orgasm

3.1 Building up

Have you ever had "runners high" or that weird sensation where the pain of lifting weights actually starts feeling good the more it hurts? In that same way, it feels like I'm pushing for a limit.

Similar to a workout, it can also just be uncomfortable sometimes. Why? Human bodies are just weird.

3.2 Orgasm

Pictures this, you're out and suddenly realise you left your phone at the coffee shop. This spike of fear running trough your chest, that has a slight sting to it. That same sensation, but instead of fear it's closer to the feeling of biting into a juicy hamburger after not eating all day.

The train is at my stop, I gotta get out and cycle to work. Perfect timing.

The strictly physical part: Imagine that sneeze that just doesn't want to come out, almost there, almost, almost... and the BAAAM! Or when you are constipated, and you try to evacuate, and sit on the throne for half an hour and suddenly WHAM!! you are two pounds lighter. Multiply by 100

So, couple different things, really.

I'll start by saying I'm a cis man, with the equipment that follows. Penis stimulation, either through masturbation or sex is good feeling. Like when you get a good foot rub, or scratch an intense itch. It feels good, but honestly, I'd take either of the other two sensations over it.

Penile orgasm also feels good... But for me, it's honestly nothing to write home about. It's like a really satisfying sneeze. The important part of the orgasm isn't the sensation of cumming, tbh. It's the relief from the overwhelming horniness. Horniness is like being starved, the longer you deal with it, the more likely you are to eat anything you can get, even if it isn't healthy.

Anal, on the other hand, is an entirely different beast. It can feel amazing, it can feel painful, it can break your brain. Prostate stimulation feels an awful lot like you have to pee at first, but it builds up to this incredible, earth shattering experience. It's the same feeling as a regular orgasms, but multiplied times a million. My entire body, from toes to scalp, tingles. Sometimes there's a slight discomfort in the head in the head of my penis when it happens, but other than that, completely amazing. If you have a prostate (and are at all interested in trying to experience an orgasm) and haven't had luck with other methods of trying to experience sexual pleasure, I reccomend trying prostate stimulation.

Honestly, though, I'd love to not feel any of it if possible. I've been there a few times when on meds, and it's made my life better. Horniness is horrible, and it makes me a person I don't like. I focus on sex, masturbation, porn, getting laid, and I can't focus on other things. I've lost entire days to trying to find some dick. It sucks. I have 1000 dollars worth of sex toys, because it saves me tons of time trying to get laid.

Oh, and I forgot to mention. The instant I cum, I'm done. The horniness is gone, the desire is gone, and I don't want anything in any holes any more. Lol. I make sure I don't finish first when having sex, and oftentimes I don't finish at all until later when I masturbate.

It feels good physically, but sex is something much more emotionally, mentally, and socially important to me. It fulfills an intense desire for sexual intimacy and emotional bonding. I love to be touched, to intensely desire, and that intense desire matched by another for me. Feelings of fire and lightning deep inside, and bruises on the outside, pain, crying, and for a time my mind blank with bliss. For me, sexuality is a defining feature, I would not be me otherwise..

I would say however, if you are asexual and just don't have these desires you aren't missing out on much. Most of the benefits are "I get my needs fulfilled," and if you live a satisfying life without having those needs to fill then there is not much lost, and maybe even something to gain.

You are going to get a whole lot of different answers. Simply because there is no one answer.

There is also no separation between the physical and the mental. They're one and the same. If you don't feel physical pleasure during sex, you're not going to feel emotional pleasure, and vice versa. There is nothing wrong with not feeling sexual pleasure. Sexual interest is not a binary all or nothing. It's a scale from Asexual (not interested at all) to sex-addict, with most people falling somewhere in between. So any answer you get is going to be from different points on the scale, not necessarily close to where you are on it (very close if not completely asexual)

I fall somewhere close to asexual, but not all the way. I'm much more interested in the lead-up to it, first second and third base, so-to-speak, and rounding for home is just kind of a let-down after all of it. A part of that (not to get too into the weeds) is that I love performing cunnilingus, but hate receiving blowjobs, because I can't fathom that a woman actually enjoys giving head, and therefore I can't take any pleasure from it. But 80% of my sexual pleasure comes from knowing that I'm giving HER pleasure. There is no greater rush of endorphins than using fingers and tongue and then seeing your partner not able to walk afterwards because their legs are shaking too much.

THAT is far more of a sense to me; the mental. The actual act of intercourse is no different than masturbation; it's what you do to empty your balls once the fun part has been completed.

I'm older than you and never had sex. Masturbation feels nice at first, then the amount of pleasure decreases once you get used to your hand.

I can't help you very much, but ironically it might help to ask this in an asexual community. There are probably people who asked the same question before you and had better luck.

I’ve never actually done it before, because sexual thoughts bring nothing but fear and terror to my mind. They all feel like Silent Hill 2.

No can do, taking this virginity to my grave.

Fwiw I'm the same as you. I can get physical sensation but usually get bored or distracted first, and definitely don't have the emotional connection.

Disclaimer: am w4w

it feels good. much better than bad

Hmm, I won't go in super deep (ha) but I will say that masterbation for me feels different than sex. Im one of the lucky women that can climax either/or, and the climax for each is different. Sex is far more intense, and not just about the insertion itself, but the feeling of his body against mine, the smells, the sight, all of it makes for a better climax in the end.

I usually only masterbate using my clit, and while it does feel very good, it's far less intense.

I like it to a very large sneeze that you can feel coming for a little bit before you actually sneeze. That build up of pressure, a tingly sensation that spreads through your belly and the back of your thighs, and then just pure squeeze-y bliss. Mine ripples. I can feel each squeeze. And each one makes every muscle in my body squeeze too.

Not just the mental part, but the physical part as well?

Sexual pleasure is 99% mental. When you are aroused your senses highten. Suddenly your skin and your genitalia becomes ~~very~~ extremely sensitive. Essentially, a lot of the systems in your body begin to behave differently. If you are not aroused then...meh. In fact, "bad sex" (when you aren't into it) is extremely annoying.

It’s like a thrilling sport where your team has a chance to win if you picked the right players. At the end of the game everyone may have received a healthy dose of endorphins, increased blood flow, and a feeling of elation.

Everyone has their own experiences, and gets something different out of it, but some things always remain the same.