Ask Lemmy

Toenail soup.

“Your mom”

Shuba Salad

Surströmming

Butter. Plain.

Me: Condoms.

Coworker: You don't need condoms at a potluck?

Me: Wow! You guys are freaks! (Then walk away & refuse to elaborate)

I'm bringing the Twinkie weiner sandwiches.

Is this the correct setting to make a "your mum" joke at work?

Liver, Fava Beans and Chianti

"You're not a friend, you're a coworker. Why would I ever do something with you outside of work?"

Jell-O Salad. Like the carrots, peas, corn and broccoli in jello, slathered in mayonnaise dish.

Fish, I want it to be fresh so I’ll just microwave it here at the office right before lunch.

Any gelatine dish recipe from the 40s and 50s.

I'm no longer allowed to setup "Chili Mystery Mayhem" for work after the incident.

And if I do bring chili, it has to be one of my "ultra-mild" varieties.

Fresh Durian

I'm bringing long pork. It's my great grandfather's recipe from his sailing days. Also Greg told me he can't make it because he's going off-grid for a while. He said you shouldn't worry about him, he's fine, but he quits because he hates all of you. He went into details but I won't repeat them. If you try to contact him he'll say hurtful things to you like he did to me, so don't even try. He's fine, he hates all of you, don't look for him, enjoy the long pork.

Surstromming

Lime Jello Ham Salad with grapes and pimento olives

"I'm a picky eater, so I'm just bringing a sandwich for myself."

An otherwise normal dish.

The trick is to also give this book at the secret santa, while making sure your dish is a perfect match, visually for one in the book.!

Book

True story, a co-worker once brought a half eaten bag of Doritos and an apple pie his mum had made for him. Then he spent the whole thing trying to stop us from eating the pie.

Sardine salad.

Ingredients:

2 can of Sardines in Olive Oil—quality brand: count 1 ½ sardines for each guest.

Baby green spinach (about 7 to 9 oz)

Kalamata olives pitted at least a dozen cut in half in the length

Cherry tomatoes—different colors best: about 1/3 pint

½ red bell pepper: sliced thinly in the width to make circular shapes to halve.

1 shallot—medium size thinly sliced

1 or 2 cloves of garlic crushed

Fresh thyme, destemmed ½ teaspoon or more

Olive oil (in addition from the oil from the can) 2-3 tablespoon

Balsamic vinegar 1 tablespoon or more

some lemon zest

Dijon mustard: 1 teaspoon or more

hot pepper flakes—some to taste

Pepper and salt to taste

Grated aged parmesan 1 to 2 oz

Directions:

Drain sardines from the can, set them aside and reserve the oil. Half each sardine in length. If needed remove bones for aesthetic though they are edible and a good source of calcium and phosphate. If you want to make a more substantial meal salad, you may put whole sardines.

In a large bowl mix tomatoes, Kalamata olive and spinach

Dressing:

In a hot pan, heat some fresh olive oil and on low heat cook garlic till light blond, and add shallot slices till translucent. Adding a bit more oil if needed sauté bell pepper for a couple of minutes on higher heat to make it a bit tender. Remove mixture from oil and set aside. When cooled down, mix them in the salad greens.

In the same pan, add sardines and warm them gently for a minute. Remove them and set aside.

Remove the pan from heat and while it is still warm, make dressing in it by some balsamic vinegar, Dijon mustard stirring vigorously to make a thin paste in which to emulsify the olive oill from the can. Integrate thyme and lemon zest. Adjust acidity and sweetness with balsamic vinegar.

Pour over salad mixture and toss. Add grated parmesan and toss gently.

Top salad with sardines heads pointing inward in a concentric pattern, each sardine at equidistant degrees from one another.

Best served with some hearty toasted bread—unless you crave for that open-faced broiled cheese sandwich mentioned above.

Boiled egg option:

The Sardinian version of this sardine salad as it was conveyed to me add to the greens one sliced hard boiled for 2 guests. It is in a way reminiscent of a salade Niçoise, which is not totally surprising as in the ports of the Mediterranean a certain cousinship can be traced in the turning and the tossing of ingredients and people.

Brownies, but I'll make them "special brownies". Don't tell the others though. It'll be fun

Clam chowder.

Maybe you like clam chowder, that's fine, but even then, it's going to stink up the whole office and you might go through a few little cups worth, but nobody's grabbing a big bowl of chowder at a pot luck.

The Mayor's Lucky Purple Shorts!

Tupperware

A can of green beans. Just going to warm them up in the microwave. (Going to take them out of the can obviously)

Lutefisk.

Methamphetamine