Glad you made it out.
this post was submitted on 10 Oct 2023
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chapotraphouse
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Me too. It was a living death what I was in.
I'm personally very happy for you that you've changed for the better but I'm sure you also know subconsciously that there's never any good that can come from admitting this
Could be wrong but you're probably hoping this confession will relieve the guilt of the sins in the past?
Don't think there are any priests here just delete this and hide the past
Lying is good sometimes
Yeah but I'd rather not lie. Just been thinking about stuff this morning and today with Israel and the war and thinking about how I would have felt, the old me, in the past. I make no illusions about who I used to be. But thanks.
I've thought a lot about this recently. Like I'm sure that a lot of us might have had problematic or even awful views in the past, but talking about them does nothing except make the speaker seem less trustworthy to the people impacted by their past views.
You see it way too often in transfemme communities where someone will be like "lol I used to be a fascist but I got better." Like cool, glad you're better now, but now I need to question whether you've really gotten over those bigot brainworms.
I am happy you are not shitty anymore, SorosFootSoldier, and I trust that you will continue to be vigilant about shitty ideas resurfacing.
Yea the "ex" Nazi transfems is exactly what I thought of when I saw this post haha
I was conservative/libertarian, never antisemitic, always thought nazis were the bad guys, and it was hard for me to see Israel for what it is. I still hold back out of fear of being misinterpreted as antisemitic and I don't want to encourage antisemitic ideas by accident, or give antisemites any ground to work with. Antisemitism has filled the gaps in so many conspiracy theories for hundreds of years.
Zionists worked hard to equate "jewish people" with "israel" and it's fucked up how deeply they've managed to poison that well. It's like this perverse, somehow-socially-acceptable version of racists screaming "go back to your own country" at poc who were born in ohio.
Antisemitism has filled the gaps in so many conspiracy theories for hundreds of years.
"The Socialism Of Fools" is so apt
I think the process of re-educating fascists as a community and how that works while maintaining a safe space is very complicated, but that re-educating fascists in general is good. And maybe it goes without saying, but I’m glad you’re here, that you’re in a better place as a leftist, and that you’ve been able to share so much of your life with us, the good and the bad. I’m grateful for it. I occasionally talk about you with my partner, who’s enjoyed seeing Mr. Softie when you post him.
I occasionally talk about you with my partner, who’s enjoyed seeing Mr. Softie when you post him.
Aw I'm glad! He's my baby and I'm happy people like to see him.
Sigh
I think I'm too moralistic for my own good, sometimes.
It's what made me go on my crusade, wrongfully, against Lemmygrad for supposed bias against CPUSA members and the bullying received there before I was banned.
But
At the same token, we need to expand and turn more than just "disillusioned BernieBros" into MLs or Marxists.
If SorosFootSoldier is on our side, then that's better than him being on their side.
Thanks! It's a big reason why I'm in favor of reeducation. If I could do it to myself with just the internet, imagine an actual teacher and programs to put someone through. ofc I'm also in favor of just straight up shooting feral nazis but I think some people can be reached before they're too far gone.
This is true, and again, it's better than we turn the ex-fascists against the actual fascists than have them as our enemies for all time.
Conspiracy Libertarians and such are surprisingly close to Marxists. My Dad was an Alex Jones type "libtertarian" and it created a lot of cognitive dissonance within me. On one hand, these libertarian conspiracy types are the only people in the mainstream talking about the true issues. Calling out the US as a disgusting imperial power, the poor treatment of minorities, ect. A great example of this is David Dees (CW: General absurd bigotry). He was bigoted af, but was still showing up to some of the most hardcore BLM protests where people were getting arrested and burning shit.
They may have abhorrent conclusions to the world they perceive, but buy and large they actually do percieve the same world as us. Being a communist was a far easier jump for me as a child than being a normal lib ever was.
I know what you're referring to; I grew up with a lot of libertarians around me.
People are capable of growth, change, and realizing their full potential. If we ignore this fact then we might as well abandon the communist dream. Personal cynicism and antisocial thinking must be conquered as much as external power structures. Ignorance can be a convenient cover for reactionary thought, but they are not the same. If Mao had written off every ignorant rural farmer as hopeless the revolution in China would have failed. The terror of the revolution is for the powerful who steer the ship, not the masses huddled trying to simply survive.
That must have been a dark time in your life. I do not know what to think of what you just said.
Truth be told, I've known many former conservatives and former libertarians that have turned into Marxist-Leninists.
But anti-Semitism... That I can't get over, but you are not the same person, from what I can tell.
I do not know what to think...
With how omnipresent Anti-Semitism and racism are, I feel like we have to have an attitude of forgiveness towards these sorts of issues. There is no bright line to define what is casual discrimination and what's serious discrimination. Most everybody building a life in the western world are racist and anti-semitic. How do we define how much is too much to be considered acceptable once they move past it? Is someone objectively worse because they took the thoughts that "everybody" has and actually owns those beliefs?
As bad as white supremacy is, I actually have a certain level of respect for the people who actually own their beliefs instead of being spineless libs who still believe the same things but don't think about said beliefs enough to actually engage with said beliefs. Being a shitposting racist in the past doesn't feel like enough to totally write somebody off because whenever you break it down pretty much every westerner is a shitposting racist, it just depends on where you draw the line between casual discrimination and real discrimination. With the amount of dogwhistles going around now, it's easier than ever to be anti-semitic and have a hidden shield that most people don't even see. If someone can own their shit and were essentially just being internet shitposters (not actually doing shit in person), they should be redeemable imo.
Yes, this is true.
You're right. I have to forgive others. We can't just replicate hate like the other side does. And Engels said that "bourgeous morality" (which often sends people to prison for decades or for life) is not good either. Hell, I'm turning into a prison abolitionist recently (though I'm still working out the quirks). I should be able to understand, of course. And SorosFootSoldier admitted to what they did. That's good, at least. Alright, I'll let it go.
That must have been a dark time in your life. I do not know what to think of what you just said.
I was heavily into drinking and posting on 4chan. I bought into racism and antisemitism first ironically, then eventually, unironically and started hating poc and Jewish people. It was indeed a very dark time. It's wild because I started out as a libertarian and then slowly began adopting fash talking points. But now I'm an MLM so I guess there can be a bridge from libertarianism to it.
I see.
Well, the reason you gave me mixed feelings is that I come from a community that would've banned you (I think) for even saying what you just said, but you're not the same person, clearly, and you're in a rough spot, from what I can tell, so I... guess I can't judge.
I wouldn't say things like this out loud even if I had ever done anything like this during by pre-Marxist days. Even so, you chose to admit it and I think that was due to profuse guilt on your part.
I think I need to realize that not every place on the Internet is like my own abode. Someone can correct me if I'm wrong here in how I'm reacting to this situation.
It's probably less here than it used to be on the subreddit, but you'd be surprised how many people back on the subreddit had some 4chan in their history. The sub was one of the few places on reddit where instead of being strangled by liberal civility politics, you could just openly tell fascists and other terrible people to fuck off and die. In hindsight the crossover appeal was pretty obvious, despite the polar opposite politics.
Which subreddit?
r/ChapoTrapHouse. Originally an unofficial fan sub for the podcast of the same name, but it quickly outgrew them and just became a general hive of leftist shitposting and theoryposting. This site was made to replace it after the sub got banned a little over 3 years ago I think.
Oh yes, I remember those days.
People forget that it's not just former liberals or "disaffected BernieBros" that become communists.
Also, it was banned, but later, you got people gravitating to /r/communism (which, I think, was already there since 2007) and other versions of Chapo subreddits, which would balloon in activity.
Now, after /r/GenZedong was suspended of being on the front page of Reddit, a lot of people have gravitated to /r/TheDeprogram, from what I can tell and a few smaller subreddits.
TheDeprogram can't be long for this world imo but I like their vibe. Probably both for the same reason lmao, reddit doesn't like cool people being cool.
lol I hate both /r/GenZedong and /r/TheDeprogram; the general culture is not good, but /r/TheDeprogram is better than /r/GenZedong was at its height, from what I can tell.
Actual discussion, even if not always a friendly atmosphere.
The atmosphere here has absolutely mellowed out compared to the sub and its direct parallels. I for one don't mind some raucousness and shitposting (I've got 4chan in my own history too despite "only" being a dumb lib at worst, so big surprise there) and I'm pretty forgiving of the occasional brainworm when the overall community is saturated with better takes to drown out and eventually replace the brainworms. But I love the chill vibes here too.
Are we talking about /r/TheDeprogram or Hexbear?
I'm from a community that's all pretty serious. We study theory and all that. We have discussion consistently. We have a lot of Chinese members, an academic scholar who saves books from extinction, and a journalist from outside the USA. We're not that shit-posty and I think that's good for actual learning, whereas Stalin memes, for example, are known for being exaggerative or even false to a degree. Also, a lot of us are in orgs rather than being lower-case "c" communists.
Both to different extents, although tbf I'm less familiar with the deprogram sub.
This isn't explicitly or even implicitly a place for deep discussions, although that's not at all unwelcome with the book club threads and such. CTH and its descendants have always been this idiosyncratic mix of a place to vent and commiserate about capitalism, posting bits of theory (sometimes for discussion and sometimes just into the void, contributing to the ambient leftist atmosphere), and digesting theory into more-postable memes that then leak out into the wider internet. Posting obviously doesn't hold a candle to actual praxis (and mad respect to you and anyone else for the praxis btw), but I like to think that generating ambient leftism on the internet, even if it's a bit shitposty, is a net positive too.
I agree. You have my word on that. We're at least winning culturally thanks to you all. I think that that's worth something, at least.
idk about winning yet, but seeing "stalin saved the world from fascism" in the wild on twitter and reddit gives me some hope
Folks here are directly responsible for me joining the org that I did and in part the work we are doing out on Pine Ridge and eventually elsewhere.
Posting can be praxis, but it can also be a distraction.
On another note, I do like the chill vibes here too.
I've shared on here a bunch of times my own journey from being a reactionary to coming around to leftism, I think it was before you joined. But I make no excuses for it, I was bad, I fucked up a lot, but now I have to admit I feel some pride in myself for becoming a better person.
That's good! Perhaps that's how it should be. We have to feel a sense of pride in getting from point A to point B, even if point A was rock-bottom.
Okay, thanks for being with us, SorosFootSoldier.
I consider it a bottom for sure, a very low point in my life, thanks.
I was also at a low point and believed bad things, but it's whatever at this point. Past is the past, I suppose.
Tell you what, it feels a hell of a lot better to be where I'm at today. Like I still get angry and shit, but it feels like a righteous anger, stuff I should be upset at for the right reasons.
That's great!
My life has also improved and I've been nearing the end of my depression so I'm cautiously optimistic that I will beat it for good this time.
Wish you the best comrade.
Oh yeah, and if you ever need funds again, like last time, I'll try to send some your way.
Appreciate it.
Same to you!
I can't remember a time I didn't know a Jewish person, or one treating me poorly. Jewish people gave me food when I was hungry, and friendship when I was lonely. I'm pretty sure the first person to alert me to what isn'treal was doing was Jewish person who didn't support it, that was a long time ago though and I can't remember who it was. Muslims I've meant seem decent too.
No one wants to see loved ones hurt, so remember compassion is a super power. Many Jewish people have settlers in their family that they can't justify hating. Bloodshed no matter how justified shouldn't be celebrated. It might give rise to hope but hope is only the possibility of improvement.