a lot going on here: https://nitter.net/visegrad24/status/1739811116287410526
this post was submitted on 27 Dec 2023
72 points (100.0% liked)
the_dunk_tank
15917 readers
6 users here now
It's the dunk tank.
This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.
Rule 1: All posts must include links to the subject matter, and no identifying information should be redacted.
Rule 2: If your source is a reactionary website, please use archive.is instead of linking directly.
Rule 3: No sectarianism.
Rule 4: TERF/SWERFs Not Welcome
Rule 5: No ableism of any kind (that includes stuff like libt*rd)
Rule 6: Do not post fellow hexbears.
Rule 7: Do not individually target other instances' admins or moderators.
Rule 8: The subject of a post cannot be low hanging fruit, that is comments/posts made by a private person that have low amount of upvotes/likes/views. Comments/Posts made on other instances that are accessible from hexbear are an exception to this. Posts that do not meet this requirement can be posted to [email protected]
Rule 9: if you post ironic rage bait im going to make a personal visit to your house to make sure you never make this mistake again
founded 4 years ago
MODERATORS
ayyyy im absolving da sins of humanity ova heaaa
jews were invented in the 19th century by racist political cartoonists
who cares. us REAL adults are asking the REAL questions. like what hogwarts house did jesus belong to?
NGL the tweetback saying he was Ukrainian is pretty funny even if it’s a NATO kool-aid drinking account.
I've seen ukraninan nationalists who unironically believe this and it is really funny
What, they think ancient Stone Age Ukrainians came down and settled the Levantine thousands of years ago?
I don't know the specifics, but there are ukraninan nationalists who think that ukraine is the origin of all culture and civilization
the absolute funniest ones are always the foreigners who seemingly pick a country at random and join these weirdo movements of theirs.
there's an italian linguistics professor who insists hungarian is etruscan, which lines up super well with some strains of our weirdos.
That’s, so inaccurate it’s almost impressive
there is a lot of fascinating nationalist crankery in eastern europe. Another one(and my personal favourite) is fomenko's new chronology
that's normal for europeans though. there's always a fringe in every european country that thinks jesus was from that country.
You're right but I've seen a huge rise of this in ukraine since 2014
Jesus is Brazilian and I won't accept it any other way
Jesus was clearly American, SIR
No concept of "nationality" then. He was a Jew born in the lands of Palestine which was split up into I think 3 kingdoms at the time administered by different Romans. That's it.
The modern concept of nationhood did not exist and borders weren't solid lines either.
Technically one was administered by a Jewish puppet king, but Jesus didn't live there (except possibly for his birth but being born in Bethlehem is not consistent in the gospels)
but being born in Bethlehem is not consistent in the gospels
This sounds interesting, I haven't heard it before or if I have I forgot about it. What are the differences?
So Mark and John don't really deal with the Nativity, and seem to assume Jesus had always lived in Nazareth.
Matthew thinks Joseph lived in Bethlehem, had to flee from Herod to Egypt, and came back to live in Nazereth.
Luke squares the circle by saying Joseph lived in Nazareth but had to travel to Bethlehem for a census, after which they just went home
On balance I'd say this means there is an early tradition of a Bethlehem nativity and Luke and Matthew obtained that from different sources. But then Mark is the earliest gospel and while John probably wasnt written by John the writers have a more direct apostolic connection.
Little known fact: Jesus Christ was a signatory on the Treaty of Westphalia which established the modern western concept of nationhood. Incidentally, he is legally Hamburgian.
Hamburger Jesus grilled for your sins 
Free Imperial Jesus
The only right answer is:
Jesus Christ lived in Palestine among the Jewish community of the country.
If you can guess who said this and when, I'll reply with a bunch of weird hexbear emotes.
Also the complete lack of theological knowledge in that twitter thread is embarrassing, bible quotes and all. Do they even know why the Jews rejected Jesus Christ as the Messiah and why he was no longer "King of the Jews" after his resurrection? Have any of these people actually read the Bible outside of the 5 sentences their pastor chooses to focus on every Sunday?
The reason why Jews reject Jesus Christ is quite simple. They believe that when the Messiah comes, he will organize His Kingdom on the earth, eternity will begin and time will end. Jews do not believe that people can bring about this just world before the end of time. However, the Messiah has not yet come, so we are still awaiting the end of time from a Jewish perspective.
However, from a Christian perspective, the message of Christ through his death and resurrection is quite clear, and a radical break from Judaism: the Kingdom of God is not on this earth and never will be. The reason the Son of God was defeated on the Earth and crucified, then resurrected to absolve humanity of their sins, is obviously because it was never the intention of the Christian God to establish His Kingdom on this Earth. Thus from a Jewish perspective, Jesus Christ is not the Messiah and the Jews are right not to recognize Him as such. Jesus can no longer be "King of The Jews" as there has been a radical departure from the Jewish theology. He no longer fulfills their criteria for being the Messiah.
the Kingdom of God is not on this earth and never will be. The reason the Son of God was defeated on the Earth and crucified, then resurrected to absolve humanity of their sins, is obviously because it was never the intention of the Christian God to establish His Kingdom on this Earth
At least as it's portrayed in the gospels, Jesus very clearly was establishing the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. That's one of Matthew's central theses: the kingdom of heaven has drawn near (Matt 4:17), we are to pray as Jesus did that God's will be done on earth as in heaven, and Jesus' return will see the fulfillment of the kingdom on earth.
Serb. Next question.
https://www.bethlehem-city.org/en/history-of-bethlehem
A decree of Caesar Augustus, ordering the taking of a census in all the provinces of the Roman Empire, brought Mary and Joseph to Bethlehem, thus fulfilling the prophecy of Micah, spoken 750 years before: "And thou, Bethlehem Ephrata, art a little one among the thousands of Juda: out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be the ruler of his people"(Mikha 5:2). When Jesus was born in Bethlehem, Herod the Great was a vassal of Rome and in 6 AD Palestine was incorporated in the imperial province of Syria.
A Jewish Syrian from Palestine in the Empire of Rome. 
load more comments
(1 replies)
He was obviously a white American.
“Not Palestinian” repeatedly stated blissfully unaware his closest living relatives, most genetically similar extant humans, are most likely Palestinians, Lebanese, and some Syrians with some more distantly related folk who took a detour via Europe.
"No you don't understand, Jesus was a super tall white dude with long hair and a beard! That's how he looks like in all the artwork and depictions at the church!"
We've got the American Jesus everybody, bolstering national faith!
Jesus was friends with this guy
Lmao how have I never seen this before.
Could you imagine if another religion became the dominant force in the west? Imagine white depictions of other deities...
this is why depictions of the prophet Muhammad aren't allowed.
Ever since I read about that hideous Touchdown Jesus statue burning down, that's what I picture every time I hear this song. You could literally see him on the interstate. It's too perfect.
TFW you send a clear sign that your followers are on the wrong path when you strike their statue with lightning, and, instead of changing their carnal ways, they just rebuild the statue.
PETA offered funding through an "anonymous Christian donor" to help rebuild the statue if allowed to promote veganism at the church.
lmao, PETA is wild but every now and then they do something genuinely cool and funny like this.
load more comments
(1 replies)
It was destroyed by a lightning strike and subsequent fire
What the fuck more do you need, guys? God says it sucks
load more comments
(1 replies)
nah man. Jesus' closest living relative is Blake from Brooklyn 
Everyone knows that Jesus founded America in the year 1200 BC
Jesus was a member of the Rhythm Nation.
Fuck if I know. Chaldea-Frisian?
meme answer: he was a roman subject
serious answer: nationality is a modern invention and makes no sense when talking about 1st century CE Judaea
Who was the king at the time? It's not Herodotus or Hasmodean, but it's definitely an H bc he tried to spawn camp Josh. i remember that part.
Zeta Reticuli 
Jesus was Pleiadian
A traveler from the stars sent to teach us how to make meals from bread and fish
Belkan
It*lian
view more: next ›