site's back, time to party 
this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2024
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Went out in a breezy dress because is hot outside and some kid stared at me from way up the sidewalk and as i pass asks "what kind of freaky shit are you into" and it has seriously withered me. I don't wanna go out femme anymore
Iβm terrified everyone just sees me as a guy, so I just boymode as a slightly feminine guy.
Itβs probably a self-fulfilling cycle.
It is. I am so fucked off right now but in the end being myself is worth it . In a dark way it's affirming - misogyny be like this. I can't lwt external behavior stifle me, I'd emphasize that to you as well :)
My default state is living in fear of other peopleβs judgment (and my own)
Fuck the haters
I was once walking late at night, before I transitioned, way before, dealing with heavy shit. I saw what I thought was a group of toddlers at like midnight in the park. Nope, it was middle schoolers on very small bikes. Anyway, one said "look who's out gaying up the new generation."
This is why unironically I'd like to be able to do the flamboyant gay voice just to piss off queerphobes (when it's safe) even though I know I'm trans
(I haven't actually had one yet, still a baby trans, but I could definitely see that stuff happening.)
for adults i am perfectly ready to fire off any number of silly/burn ward responses, depending on severity, but when like, 17 year olds are throwing that shit, the winning move is probably holding my tongue and wishing for death, and that was the case there.
in the end my girlfriend and I opted for making loud raptor/squawking noises once we were 50 or so feet away, but it still withered me massively. it's still kinda in my head a day+ later
Yeah, teenagers are dumb but they should know better... that was really bigoted.
I hope you can gain the ability to safely go out as your true self soon... :(