CW: transphobia-lite(?)
She's so caught up in my "case" being such an outlier that there must be "something else" going on. She says she never noticed anything in me as a child that would point to gender dysphoria, and that since I was a fairly strong-willed child I would have let someone know. She's also linked to reputable-seeming studies about mean age of first experiencing gender dysphoria in trans youth, which peg it around 4-7 years old.
And she's right. I never had any gender dysphoria as a child, not really, and I still don't even see myself as a "girl stuck in a guy's body". I consider myself a guy who wants to become a girl, not because being a guy is so horrible, but because being a girl seems very nice.
My therapist tells me this is valid, that people have their different experiences of being trans, but my mom is so caught up in this data she's found.
Another thing—she's adamantly against me doing HRT due to the risks of estrogen and trauma from her breast cancer. I've since found data claiming that breast cancer risk in trans women on HRT is higher than for cis men, but lower than cis women, so unless she thinks my sister ought to take estrogen blockers there's no reasonable worry there.
All this culminates in her saying that she can't bear to live with me if I choose to go on HRT. She's not kicking me out, but she wants us to live separately. Problem is we're both jobless which makes getting approved for two new apartments difficult.
Needless to say this all sucks. Before I broached the topic last year I never would have expected this kind of reaction from her. I just don't see why it has to be such a scary thing for her. Every time I try to talk to her about it I'm filled with the doubt that radiates from her in waves. I do want to move out on my own but financially it's not the best move.
Idk what I'm asking for here. Data or anecdotes about realizing you're trans later in life would be nice? Warm fuzzy feelings from internet people? I dunno
i had the same kind of thing going on with my mom after i told her. i can go into specifics but essentially it boiled down to her seeing me a certain way and desperately trying to hold onto the person i was. things are always hard at first but i hope eventually with time your mom will see you're in a better place now and ease up
That sounds very similar to my situation. I'm the youngest of three and throughout instability in her life I think my mom has held on an "idea" of me to get her through it, which also resulted in some of my needs not being met in childhood.
The thing that frustrates me is that I'm not going to become a completely different person, I keep telling her I'm going to act the same way, have the same interests, etc. but just appear different and probably be a lot happier. She just doesn't seem to get that :/
none of that really matters to the cis people in our lives. i think on some level it's a control thing and ultimately that's an issue she has to work on, it's absolutely not something you are responsible for fixing