Me when my wife is cuddling me:
Me when I wake up and can’t get back to sleep:

Maybe I should have just spent more money on another from of estrogen instead, but this is the price to pay for being broke I guess.

EDIT: its been an around an hour and im still suffering from hiccups. nothing is helping. existence is pain.

EDIT 2: yay they seem to be gone now. Please no jinx.

EDIT 3: I jinxed it :'( and now it feels stronger and hurts a bit

rewatching I saw the tv glow and god damn they perfectly managed to capture the vibe of a deeply repressed egg in Owen. I'm genuinely stunned at just how perfectly they managed to capture the look and feel of a repressed trans woman in her

::: spoiler socializing is weird

I have a friend who i just cannot pin down, and its really frustrating. She said last night that she thinks im scared of her, to which i replied "sometimes"; in my introspection on that theres like 3 different processes at play.

I find myself wary and ready to deal with tough feelings when im with her in one on one situations, because she tends to talk about her personal growth and especially her ex, which is a situation similar enough to my longest relationship that it brings up a bunch of shit that ive mostly processed but is still difficult feelings, so I end up wary and readying myself to deal with them.

Then i also just suck at group interactions. So one on one its hard, and in groups its hard. So i am kinda scared, not of her but of my own shit and finding myself being extra alert and hypervigilant when we all hang out.

Doesnt help that she uses social cues to indicate when shes teasing/poking fun with me that i struggle to pick up on (and she does that a lot). So even when its good interactions it takes a lot of energy

Sorry I'm late

i'm finally starting to mess around with more eye makeup than just mascara and oh my do i loves it. i wish it was easier to put on but i suppose that's the barrier to entry. Will be excited when it doesn't take me an hour + to get all glammed up!

I'm gonna go antagonise the salvation army this morning, on account of fuck 'em.

Fuck landlords actually.

Looking at myself in the mirror is so weird

guess i'm going to learn Rust!

I was wondering why things had suddenly changed. Today and yesterday (at least) I have been... different. Wanting to get out and socialize, bunch of new thoughts on gender. Wonder if not taking ADHD meds for some time and then starting back up might have been the cause.

Why does the hawk tuah girl have a podcast and a crypto scam? Wasn't it just a random street interview? Is this just what you do if you go viral now?

new doggirl emotes

Rust is fucking amazing anybody that hates Rust is just a pissy little baby that doesn't have the attention span to learn how to deal with the borrow checker and some of the async quirks and is jealous of the people that can. I will absolutely die on this hill, Rust is light itself.

Compile times suck if you don't have a powerful workstation/laptop tho.

Boymoding in a pink hoodie today.
I will be dammed if I get sir’d

Going outside talking with people

At least the appointment thing went well. I didn't even have to say "another cissie down, unlimited transitions upon the cisgender world" or anything funny. I guess my voluminous hair and ambient disdain just command respect or smth

I mega her thread till I the week of December 16, 2024, to December 22, 2024

What’s up guys! Returned I have from a moon logged off. It was pretty nice. I read a lot about Buddhism and completed my first insight cycled. Going to try to not let this place re-embolden my executive dysfunction, but it’s nice to be back. How are y’all doing? Currently kind of contented and tired. I miss being able to cry.

shit, i think i might actually be poly

I've been binge learning Bevy as of late. Behold: my incredibly stupid first learning project.

Friday Rice