We have this family in for one of their kids. The other kids visit daily. They have one little girl who is both cute and creepy in the way only little girls can be. She comes riiiight up to me and just stands and stares at me, like just 10 cm in front of me and stares. Says nothing. Just smiles. Adorable
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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dysphoria, social anxiety
Have a (free, yay. well, included in membership cost) consultation with a personal trainer/physical therapist guy at my gym coming up to help me design a better routine and diet and stuff
I talked to him yesterday but I'm not out at the gym and idk if I wanna out myself but I don't want to make things awkward there since it's like, the only "third place" I have rn
I dunno if telling him "yeah I really don't want bulky arms and shoulders and I'm trying to grow my hips and ass" would give him the hint or that'd be weird and don't really know how I'm gonna navigate that conversation
I guess I can come up with a plausible alibi about training for hiking and that I have a job offer to work for the forestry department so I'm wanting to work on my legs a lot for steep hill hiking for that?
The staff there all seem cool and it's a pretty inclusive gym (seen multiple other queer ppl there) but for some reason it's way less nerve-wracking thinking about just vaguely coming out to someone as just broadly queer than saying "uh, I have The Genderβ’ actually"
I dunno
I feel like I'm more nervous about it than I should be but that's like always the case for me (GAD)
I'm doing a lot better overall the last month or so than my usual though? Idk, any thoughts? Thank you nice internet ppl
i whine about work
if i have to do another presentation for a huge group of people next week i am going to scream, it is so exhausting, i'm an hour into work and i feel like i need to sleep, AND i spent all day yesterday preparing for it too... i miss doing my "real job"
edit: also, i guess i'm channeling "Tim Allen's Neighbour" vibes today as I rearranged my desk and my webcam is behind my monitor, so only my eyes and up are visible when I turn it on, lmao.
I LOVE MY TRANS COMRADES
today I just want to lay in bed and listen to music, but I have to work π
vile transphobia
it really is smdh why can't we all just live in a temple complex in Sumeria somewhere? we really fell off
a fanfic I just started following dropped 5 chapters coming in to 6500 words, all of them in the last six hours, fuck i wish i had that level of energy in anything anymore tbh
I don't know if this counts as news, since there's no ruling yet, but this case is probably worth paying attention to, especially for our UK comrades. cw for transphobia.
CW transphobes pretending to be feminists
Funny how the terf in the article holds up a sign saying "Women's rights are not hateful" while having murder in her eyes and the distorted grimace of somebody who spends every waking moment hating trans people. Could it be that she simply doesn't give the tiniest fuck about women's rights?
The article talks about chromosomes etc but given that like 1-100 people are intersex and xx isn't the flat standard for even cis women, any definition of women down this line will inevitably mean several of the big terf crowd will no longer be "biologically women" by their own standards and that's kinda funny.
Terfs are 100% willing to throw intersex cis women under the bus to discriminate against trans women. They do not give the tiniest fuck if they exclude a woman who is AFAB, has spent her entire life as a woman, has raised several kids she's born herself, doesn't even know she's inter and just happens to have XY chromosomes and androgen insensitivity. The same applies for endo cis women who are mistaken for trans or inter people because they just do not look steretypically feminine enough, and they demonstrably do not shy away from throwing members of their own movement under the bus. Hating trans women is literally all that matters to these people. It is worth every abject cruelty, breaking of principles and heartless sacrifice to them.
You're not allowed to bring up PCOS when talking to TERFs, it's too powerful lol.
There is no definition that will include who they want to include and exclude who they want to exclude on the basis of BiOlOgY because, ultimately, womanhood (or any gender) isn't a biological category. And even "femaleness" is obviously not as clear cut as they want. I'm getting bottom surgery in a year, a couple of my coworkers have had hysterectomies qnd oophorectomies and are lamenting the lack of speed in getting HRT. In a year from now we'll have the same set of organs, have the same complaints about getting and taking Estrogen, moan about facial hair, whine and complain about how women get treated in the workplace, etc. Like, "biologically", what's the big difference?
I think I sing as a stim. It really clears the brain out, not much else to focus on when you are. I tend to get riffs or lines stuck in my brain anyway, like the chorus line to Baron Saturday... I'm definitely not any good at it at all, I'm just some nerd plus I never took voice training very seriously, but also my singing is definitely a blessing to these walls and anyone who hears it.
I'm probably "best" at old Who songs and 1970s Golden Earring stuff like that, but I most enjoy trying to do KT Tunstall (even if I could never pull the high notes on Other Side of the World) or 70s era Heart tunes. Maybe this is why I really dig low smoky femme vocals, Idk.
Just belting random things out 24/7, absolutely breaking into song for no reason at the drop of a hat. It's more productive than a picking stim!!! (My throat hurts ow)
mental health improvement?
One of the things I realized recently about my depression improving that I hadn't really made note of until it hit me the other day was that I'm singing and humming to myself sometimes when I'm alone for the first time in ages? I'm not a good singer and it can be frustrating having a fairly small range and my pitch control is a lot worse than my ear so I'm acutely aware of how bad at it I am lol but it's been kinda nice? I was singing "Smoking Section" by St. Vincent in the shower the other night and stopped for a sec like "wait wtf, I'm singing to myself?? What is going on??"
FUCK YEAH MASSEDUCTION MOMENT Uh it rules I recommend singing loudly and badly as much as possible honestly.
There's a really good music theory book called The Harmonic Experience by W.A Mathieu. It's a text book kinda about the contrasts between Western music and tradition eastern styles like Raga or Maqmat, specifically how Just Intonation works. He explains music theory using history and the actual math and physics regarding how vibrations become harmonies. For example; to have a piano that is tuned for Raga or Maqam music, you would need around 36 keys per octave. A regular piano is 12 keys per octave. We landed on 12, equally spaced, keys because they're "close enough" for our ears to bridge the gap.
Anyhow, the first half of the book has singing exercises for ear training. It's a really good music theory foundation and not too difficult to work through, if you're interested. I 10/10 recommend.
aaaaa music theory jumpscare
I think I have this stim
Good stim!!!!!
CW: Talking about top/bottom surgery
29 hours until I have to be at the hospital for my surgery. Losing my mind. Just as excited for this as I was for bottom surgery a couple years ago. Finally will get my lopsided tits fixed. Gods know I always wanted large breasts even before my egg cracked. They're big enough as is, but now they're going to be BEEG. Can't wait.
That being said, I'm also getting a minor revision to my bottom surgery. I'm looking forward to that because that, too, somehow got lopsided >w>
I pretty dramatically put my fists on my hips earlier today and oh wow they actually kind of hurt? holy shit are they doing what I think they are?
spoiler
i had ^sex^ with a very cool and beautiful person who made me
Phrasing... when I read this I didn't read the emoji as part of it...
going to ruin Thanksgiving this year by being a trans woman, getting drunk, and then screaming about how this holiday is a celebration of genocide and that we're currently on the stolen land of the Notdoxxingmyself people
Check out Atun Shei Films' videos on King Philip's War. The 2nd generation of puritans in New England waged a horribly bloody, racist war against indigenous people. Good content on our horrifying history.
Sounds like a great way to ruin Thanksgiving. Would be fun to be there!
Fortunately it should be a small immediate family thing for us this year.
Do they make shark plushies that are like 6 feet long? Can't find any on aliexpress
been going to a lot more concerts/shows since transitioning, turns out dressing up and going out can actually be fun lol
partner found a really cool artist. i've been listening to them and it turns out they're anti-cop, anti-monarchy, sang at a pro-palestine protest AND has a show in my city this Friday??
we bought some tickets and i really want to try to make some friends this time but idfk how
I havenβt gone swimming in years.
I used to love swimming.
I wish I could do it without worrying about how I look or body image issues or other people.
I've used tuck tape! It worked really really good. Dunno if you'd, specifically, go for it but there are lgbt only swim nights in some cities. My friends do that, don't even tuck for it.
Itβs not as much the penis as much as other things
holidays, family, wistful
I can't stand spending time with my family. They're hateful miserable people, just awful to be around and reactionary as fuck and during the holidays their bullshit is dialed up to max. When I came out, I decided to cut them off. I didn't want to hear their hateful opinions about me or my transition. I didn't want to give them the chance to hurt me again.
And I'm overall happy with that decision. But now the holidays remind me how small my world really is. I don't want to be around mine but I do wish I had a caring family to spend time with. One that loves and appreciates me for who I am.
Me and who
The image didn't upload for some reason, and I am also still unable to upload images :( Just imagine two cartoon lesbians cuddling please
thats weird I was already imagining that for some reason
I see the vision