this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024
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the_dunk_tank

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It's the dunk tank.

This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.

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submitted 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
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[–] [email protected] 134 points 1 month ago

MrBeast: I don't really understand for-profit prisons.

Democratic advisor: They're good because I can make money off of them. You should arrest more people so I can make more money.

Republican advisor: They're good because I can make money off of them. You should arrest more people so I can make more money.

MrBeast: I understand the issue now. I'm going to make it illegal to not watch every new video that I upload.

[–] [email protected] 94 points 1 month ago (4 children)

For problems I’m ignorant in I’d have experts from the left and right advise me on them and try to find the middle ground that’s best for America

The right: Kill all trans people

The left: Don't kill any trans people

The middle ground: Kill half of the trans people

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 month ago

Le epic bacon Thanos doctrine

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

What I'm hearing is that the left should start demanding to double the population with exclusively trans people, effectively a -100% murder rate. Then the middle ground will be 0% and centrists can finally agree.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Project Resurrect Every Trans Person from the Dead

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago

Kill trans people... who are brown

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

especially since chuds have been laying into him lately on twitter on account of a close associate of his having come out as trans recently (or something like that, I only read that briefly)

so yeah, both sides, huh?

[–] [email protected] 75 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

every single guy who thinks that politics is solved by listening to the left and the right and then coming up with a solution that integrates both viewpoints so everyone is happy actually thinks they are the ubermensch and has a terminal case of solipsism if they don't immediately go "no wait that's fucking stupid that's probably been tried before"

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

what a fucking novel solution. did you come up with that on your own. i bet you thought long and hard about that. i bet you did a lot of research to synthesize that

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 month ago (1 children)

the idea that no one has yet come up with in question:

[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The left wants healthcare, and the right wants genocide, lets meet in the middle and commit genocide without providing healthcare 👍

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago

basically Biden is a political genius

[–] [email protected] 73 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 month ago (1 children)

For problems I'm ignorant in I'd have experts from the left and the right advise me on them and try to find a middle ground that's best for America.

Didn't Obama try to do something like that in his first term? I think he called it his "Cabinet of Rivals" or some shit. It sucked.

Wouldn't be buyable

Aren't there interviews with this guy where he practically presents himself as a machine that shuts down when it isn't doing something profitable? Like aren't there quotes from him where he talks about struggling with motivation and purpose if it isn't tied to making money? He seems almost exclusively driven by money, so I'm not sure I buy that he's not buyable.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Didn't Obama try to do something like that in his first term? I think he called it his "Cabinet of Rivals" or some shit. It sucked.

It was a "team of rivals" and he snagged the idea from Lincoln lmao. I'm not smart enough to know for sure, but it probably sucked way back then, too

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

Considering how Reconstruction went with it starting shortly after his death, I'm inclined to agree.

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[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 month ago

Experts on the left: Climate scientists. Experts on the right: Some deranged person shouting about HAARP on YouTube.

[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 month ago (3 children)

What the fuck he's only in his early 20s?

doomer im getting old and I aint even that old.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I have said this before, and I will say it again now:

I will personally kill MrBeast during the revolution

[–] [email protected] 52 points 1 month ago

Gladiator battles for insulin mr-beast

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

mr-beast I GIVE 10 000 DOLLARS IF YOU ENROLL IN THE MILITARY 🪖🎖️

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 month ago

he’s running
Mr Beast 2040, someone snag some domains for ransom

[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 month ago (2 children)

We should kill this guy with hammers, I'll tell you that right now

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

im officially adding NL to the only-good-gamer list

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago (2 children)

expert from the left and right

What fucking expert are on the right these days? All their ideological leaders are just random assholes who spout angry vibes.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 month ago

kelly Beastapartism

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

don't care about doing things just because my party says I should

You don't get to lead anything or make decisions without a mandate from people that believe you'll do what they want you to do.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Not right or left, President Beast stands for a third position

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Ideally there won't be a USA in 15 years.

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"I'm solving the competition between left and right over voters by having left and right compete over me."

Purest borgor brain.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

mr-beast sold, to the highest bidder, gentleman with the top hat

porky-happy

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago

Ah fuck I accidentally lathed this into existence. This one's on me, sorry everyone

https://hexbear.net/post/2810541

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago

The experts on the right want genocide and bigotry, the experts on the left advice against it, we'll compromise and do a gay genocide (like with rainbow guns, not killing gay people (unless they are on the wrong side))

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago

Macron be like

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago

(Brace noise)

mr-beast stalin-gun-1stalin-gun-2

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 month ago

This coming from the guy who feels uneasy spending time with his girlfriend because it doesn't make his channel more profitable.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

The revolution will get it's funding when the vanguard complete the obstacle course Mr. Beast built in his backyard! But watch out, those zanny bipartisans are on patrol to make sure you don't step out of party lines!

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Oh shit, Mr Beast could actually become a major politician. He has no personality, will do whatever he thinks gives him attention, and will do anything for profit. He's practically president already.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

Love having an endless list of celebrities to pick from for my president, very healthy democracy!

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

Mr Beast has achieved the Platonic level of political-philosophical development!

Only about another 2.5 millenia to go before he catches up. Look out world, here he comes.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

Pathetic, spineless. Take a stand on something you coward

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