Hoping to hear everyone’s week went well this past week. Go out there and have a great week this week everyone! 
a long time ago i bought a trans man a dick prosthetic and now that trans man is passing on the dick to another trans man that decided he wanted it (supposedly you can get them sanitized?)
i love the image of me just chain reacting the whole trans masc community with penises
It's like he's being knighted 
Is it bad that I'm kinda pogged about using my identity as a cudgel against liberals
"but you have to vote bloo! if you don't you're sacrificing queer people for your ego—""
"I am trans and I will not be voting for Joseph Robinette Biden Jr."
You will quickly learn to hate how the cis moderate will continue to talk about you instead of with you even when you are actively engaged in a one on one conversation with them.
moved part of my stuff into new apartment, took my bed apart, will be sharing an apartment with 2 other trans women soon
wow i'm really nervous
that's so exciting tho!!
Serious question:
How do you tell if you're experiencing gender dysphoria or just regular store brand depression? 
venting abt transphobia
Transphobic assholes be like "your dead name will be on your grave stone" nah bitch please there will be no name on my gravestone I am going to end up in a mass grave the way you are making this country you do realize that
Happy dead troops day!
It's kinda funny how hard some labels are to apply on myself. Calling myself trans feels wrong, but saying I want to be transfem does not. I'll say all day how much I wish I was born a lesbian but calling myself a transwoman just makes me feel weird. But I can call myself an egg and that sits fine with me. but what do eggs hatch into
down with cis
actually feeling good for once today and thinking that i might just make it
i stopped taking my hrt for a couple days but i'm back on it and getting back on really boosted my mood
.boob
also i think that restarted my breast growth?? i've been told before that briefly stopping then starting hrt again can help with growth but i thought that was just made up bs but this is the itchiest/sensitive they've been since like the first few months of hrt. i really really really hope this isn't just cope, they're too small and spaced apart right now and it looks fucked up so i really hope that gets fixed soon. my chest/rib/shoulder area is second only to my face in terms of dysphoria so if that could get sorted out and start looking like actual boobs instead of moobs then that's be a huge weight off of my mind
also also i'm going to start trying to avoid /tttt/ and associated subreddits and discords, i was just festering in my self-hatred and being in an environment where other people egg that on is so addictive but also destructive. i do hate myself but i've got to learn not to if i ever want to be happy and i'll never learn how by staying there. i've got really bad self-destructive impulses (hence why i stopped hrt) and i've really got to work on that
finally i'm going to try and push myself to actually do more for my transition in the next week or two. beyond hrt i haven't really done anything else which is probably why i still don't pass at all, i've just been hoping it'll do all the work but it seems like that isn't going to happen for me. i've mostly been too afraid of trying anything more feminine out of the fear that it'll make me look/feel even worse and more masculine, so i still haven't really ever done makeup or voice training or learning fashion etc. so i'm going to actually give makeup a go here really soon
I’m being absolutely crushed by dysphoria right now and have been the last couple days.
Talk of dysphoria. Specifically childhood and lacking a uterus.
I can’t handle it right now. Everything I’ve done the last few days I swear has found a way to trigger my remaining dysphoria. I keep being reminded that my egg cracked in my 30s. That I started transitioning in my 30s. That I never had and never will have a proper childhood or any of the experiences therein. And then I keep being reminded that I can’t have children. I don’t have a uterus to carry a child. I am extremely unlikely to ever be able to adopt due to being a polyam transbian. I’ll never have the experience of raising a child and helping them experience the world and help them succeed in their lives. Never ever will I be able to.
I just can’t all of this right now. With all of it being heavily exacerbated by PMDD and I’m just absolutely crippled by negative emotion right now. I want to cry, but I don’t want my partners to catch on. I’m also afraid how PMDD me will respond. I don’t want to inadvertently hurt anyone. 
CW: transphobia, violence
I got hate crimed and now I'm afraid to get on the train.
A couple weeks ago I was cornered on the light rail by a man screaming homophobic slurs at me and threatening to beat me if I said anything or looked at him. Pretty textbook homophobic hate crime, though the guy clearly had some mental health stuff going on. He then got off on the next stop, fortunately, but I'm still pretty shook by the whole situation. Particularly, that this was a pretty full train car and nobody did anything to try and stand up for me - everyone just kept glued to their phones during and after, leaving me to get off the train a crying mess a few stops later. I can't even blame people for not intervening in the moment - there have been a few high-profile stabbings here of good samaritans confronting bigots - but the fact that everyone ignored it after as well... I still think I live in maybe the best city on earth to be trans, but that was devastating.
I got back to work and my team was super supportive, boss drove me home, it was nice. It was also right before my planned vacation with the bf's family, so I got to start that a day early.
But when I returned to work this morning, I realized I'm still kind of scared. My normal bus to work is usually crowded enough that nobody can get up to anything, but I used to really prefer the rail and now I don't know if I can keep riding it. I want to stop at the store to grab groceries on my way home, but that would mean getting on the big unprotected train car and idk if I'm up for that.
Shit sucks. I've been out since 2008 and experienced lots of little transphobic aggressions, but this is the worst I've ever dealt with and the only time to really stick to me like this.
In brighter news the rest of this month has been lovely. I went to my bf's hometown to spend a week with his family, came home and got super fucking sick (that part was actually awful, I was bedridden with a double ear infection), but got better just in time for us to spend a weekend at the beach with my family. Feels good finally having a partner where both families like us, very new to me.
Actually had a decent conversation come from grindr and got her phone number so we could talk without being bombarded by dick pics constantly. A fellow transwoman and she seems pretty rad.
Update: got a cute date Saturday 
Is there a better feeling than putting on a simple femme outfit and lazing about at home all day while the euphoria washes over you? I don't think there is.
Finally started voice training, can't wait to have a cute girl voice!
I have one! Well, maybe just girl lol.
I talked about it in the last thread but I've also "lost" my boy voice which was mildly disconcerting. Abigail (philosophy tube) did a video recently where she attempted her boy voice but it just sounded like a girl faking a dude voice badly. And now, it fuckin happened to me too lmao
I went and saw I Saw The TV Glow last night and I think it was a bad print because it messed up my eyes and they won't stop leaking today
Wake up in the morning and my stubble has grown back in.
Reach past anything colorful in my closet to one of the four button downs I wear to work. This one is gray.
Brush back my pretty hair until it's behind my ears and within the bounds of acceptable male presentation.
I put on the tie. Everyone will call me sir.
45 hours of every week.
mention of tits
looked in the mirror and my nipples were poking through my bralette and my thick-ish pajama sweater 
spoiler
hey do they look a little bigger? why do they look bigger? am i going crazy or are they slightly bigger?. I started HRT a little less than a month ago they can't be bigger already, right???
I had a crush on boxxy when I was in middle school but looking back... I think it was gender envy lmao
Got maam'd yesterday because of my hair 💖 completely boymoding, so got sir'd as soon as I turned around, but I will take it anyway haha
Cw vent.
spoiler
Was hanging with some people tonight and I got misgendered... again. It really feels like it happens constantly, and from people I've had many interactions with. Even when I'm wearing super femme clothing, it's happening. The only people who see me are other trans people. Frankly idk if I made a mistake. This used to not hurt me as bad but now it is. It feels like I'm making no progress. The only positive here is that I can look at myself in the mirror. But like... I just don't exude "Woman". I wish I did. Bit I really seem to not. It's just frustrating
Randomly bumped into a pre-transition friend while fully fem-presenting and he was completely normal about it and we just chatted for a while.
I'm usually a bit nervous about meeting old friends in case some of them are weird about it, but at the same time it's so fun when I can show them the real me and how far I've come.
Fuck it I think I might actually try a dating app. Is there any app that isn't completely terrible for trans women?
more HRT talk
Is my ass supposed to be sore? My ass feels sore and the only reasons that it could be are either a. me walking up more hills in the neighborhood than usual or b. hrt
I've been skirting the issue for some time now, but I'm just gonna come out and say it
spoiler
I'm a trans girl
There, it's done
Got some padded push up bras and it feels like I'm cheating a bit, but they have such an amazing impact on my silhouette, I love it so much. Hope I'll just look like this naturally in a year or two.
Day 1 of being a girl:
I understand my feelings now 
I understand my feelings now 
I came out to my family today. I am so grateful that they accepted me, though it wasn't too much of a surprise I will never underestimate just how lucky I am to have an accepting (and queer) family. Now I just have to hope that my friends are the same way...
EDIT: I DID NOT LOSE ANY FRIENDS 😁
Reflecting on the feelings of possibilities opening and limitations I set on myself fading when I started the first year of my transition. I need that energy and belief that I can move mountains again
That relentless and exhausted state took me to the finish line once, so why not twice? What's the worst that happens, I don't make it? That's never been a reason not to try
hey everyone if you're gonna get electrolysis, make sure to not change the topic of conversation to bizarrely intimate details about your sex life while I'm electrocuting your cock and balls. happens more often than you'd think and is pretty gross and I had to implement code of conduct forms and fire a client last week. which is fucking wild, I take this work extremely seriously, bottom surgery prep is my top priority work, it takes a lot for me to say "yep I don't wanna see you again"
also make sure not to say things like "wow I'm in subspace" or any other fucking weird ass shit you wouldn't say to your barber or some other service worker 
I feel like a lot of my clients think "wow you're trans, I'm trans too, we can talk about anything!!!". No we can't, you're a stranger, don't tell me weird ass shit in the first hour of knowing me when I'm supposed to be providing important care to you. maybe eventually when we're pals we can talk some freak shit, but holy fuck
wtf my eyebrows got higher? Like they got thin on the outside and then filled in but up higher?
Hey everyone!!! I hope yous will have a great week this week, much love!!! 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🥰🥰🥰🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
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