downer thoughts, not like super downer though
Life is so short and so needlessly cruel and so completely random in how it deals out fate. I wish things made more sense. It's not even cruel enough to be a demiurge style situation or like some cthulhu crap and then everything in our modern lives is set up to bring out our worst possible instincts
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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i have not seen my parents in months. if i were to see them, they would certainly notice that my face is different in an subtle yet noticeable way. oh my
Good morning chapo dot cha--
this happens every time I post before bed, other timezones and sleep schedules are wildin
more family stuff
Very frustrating how my mom seems to become mentally unwell by the fact that I’m no longer dressing and acting like she wants me to. She’s dealing with other stuff that makes her more stressed and on edge but I hate seeing me changing affecting her so much.
I know that I shouldn’t really think about that too much because it’s probably one of the reasons why I never explored my gender feelings further when I was a teen and I won’t let her words affect my transition process but it’s still hard to see and it makes me wonder how she’ll react when I come out as trans.
In the past it’s been a problem that she wants to know everything that’s going on in my life bit will react badly when I explain my mental or physical unwellbeing.
I’m emotionally still dependent on my parents because I don’t have a romantic interest and my friends have their own stuff they’re dealing with and don’t want me to visit them every day (they suck for that tbh). So it’s hard to limit my contact with parents.
HAHAHA! YES! MY HAIR IS FINALLY LONG ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO FIT INTO MY MOUTH! IT GROWS!
a bit sad
I don’t think I’m ready to get into a real relationship again but I do wish I had someone to just cuddle with sometimes.
damn I can already notice my chest hair growing back in much lighter shades and far softer than it did before. nice!
Life-changing psychological experience, Vietnamese iced coffee, and a rainy day. The vibes today are excellent.
i'm not sure if this is just the estrogen or i was wildly more confident in my muscles before but i keep trying to do any kind of workouts and they have been completely kicking my ass in a way i've never felt before. i keep getting trying these absolute baby beginner workouts and they keep destroying me before i make it a fraction of the way through them. Is this normal on estrogen? I was rather muscular before going on HRT and it's been about 3 months now if that helps. Am I just experiencing normal things or am I just a bigger weenie than I thought?
I realise now that I would not date anybody who does not do book stuff with me. I am glad to realise this while bookclubbing with wifey, indicating that I made the right life choice
Sorry for forcing you through a shitty book though wifey
Day 3 of “is this the estrogen working or am I so excited for it to work that I’m ascribing random things to it?”
CW mildly lewd
I made out with my wife for like an hour straight earlier. It just felt really good and I felt connected to my body in a way that I normally don’t while we’re making out. We’ve never done that for that long before without it turning into sex but I super wanna do it again.
estrogen, my beloved? where have you been all my life?
fondly remembering that brief moment where there were so many more n’s in the comm name.
spoiler
trannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnns
wish i could paint my nails more often. i did it for trans pride last weekend and it was nice, but i have to remove it super quick because i work with food
I've been having a good time touching grass, hanging out with my best friends for the past few days, and we're making plans to do it again soon. We've been online friends for months but this is only the second time we've hung out irl (and last time we were both in significantly worse mental spaces.) It's so nice to be together irl with someone on the same autism wavelength as me haha. I'm so excited, in the coming months we'll be able to spend a lot more time together irl.
BAD VIBES
Not doing great still, it fucking hurts, he literally called me all the chapo.chat slur autofilter words, I thought I am over this but I am so close to call him and scream at him. Fuck whatever made him like this
I can feel myself developing a special interest in brutalist architecture in real time. I've loved brutalism for a while now but I'm literally like, planning day trips to go see some brutalist buildings near me.
porter robinson being an ally in the r/popheads AMA today
HRT
my wife is geting fucked around by the NHS with her HRT. she moved here from anoher country while on HRT, got an NHS script for cyrpo and estradiol. then hey phone her up the other day and said 'sorry we have to cancel the cypro because a specialist has to prescribe this in britain'. now I know that high doses of cypro, of which stuff like 25mg or 50mg which most trans people take is a high dose, do have adverse long term side effects of spinal cancer and stuff like that, so that might be why? gut reacion ofc says institutional transphobia, but they didn't do anything abou the estradiol which is also ofc anti androgenising; so if it was just a transpobia thing they'd surely cancel the estradiol?
anyways, I told her to get her former doctor to forward relivant diagnoses and stuff, so we'll see. she has a doctors appoinment set up about this to plead her case. I am hoping the NHS is reasonable, because just denying somebody a medication they have been prescribed by a doctor is actually kind of fucked up regardless of transness or not
I drink a lot of soy milk. Like two gallons a week. It looks like phytoestrogens can interfere with estrogen. Thinking I should switch to oat milk even though I don't like the texture.
Any pharmacology/diet nerds have any thoughts? I messaged my prescriber the same question too and will update if I hear back from her.
Just boofed a prog. I expect to wake up with DDs or I will be filling a complaint
the only thing the bbc deserves any credit for is not having any advertisements on the tv and radio stations. laugh about the tv license all you want (i'll join you) but i physically cannot listen to radio with ads. sorry
nsfw
When your hair is long enough to catch on your junk in the shower not that pleasant a sensation.
So what're good ingredients for shampoo and conditioner to look for, oils aside? I noticed many conditioners, even the curly ones have various alcohols as the first few ingredients and that seems kinda scuffed to me.