romance stuff i guess
torn between wanting a partner and knowing i can't provide any kind of stability. i hear people talking about wives and i'm like "how did you find someone to put up with you long enough to plan a ceremony" because that is such an alien concept to me. i know what i'm good at: levity and familiarity. i know what i'm bad at: consistency and vulnerability. my energy is enough to draw someone in but not enough to keep them around and i don't know how to change that. i opened a bunch of therapy workbooks and i just keep the tab minimized and out of sight because confronting this part of myself is 100 times scarier than anything to do with gender
traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
Welcome to /c/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns, an anti-capitalist meme community for transgender and gender diverse people.
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Matrix Group Chat:
Suggested Matrix Client: Cinny
https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat
WEBRINGS:
π³οΈββ§οΈ Transmasculine Pride Ring π³οΈββ§οΈ
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venting about some unexpected ptsd stuff (surgery regret)
I haven't gotten blood work since I was in the hospital almost 2 years ago. there are a lot of things I was aware of having trouble with after everything happened, but I haven't been to a big medical facility or had blood work since then. I figured I preferred not to going to a facility because it's annoying and outright didn't get blood work because it's not my favourite thing to do
in reality, that sinking feeling in my stomach happened as soon as I got the facility and I found myself in a fog as I struggled to stay focused. when I sat down to get my blood work it turned into actual dread and I very embarrassingly started tearing up. I'm sure the technician just thought I was nervous, but that wasn't it. I was able to hold off sobbing until I left, but the annoying tears and sinking feeling took a while to go away
just feel embarrassed over all of it
I've been getting really into cute socks lately. Definitely an underrated way to get some of that sweet sweet gender euphoria, on the down low π
I love (most of (one is terrrrriiibllee and i want her gone)) my housemates Yes theyre s but they do genuinely care about others and want to make life better for everyone. Were open with each other and have become good friends
I just keep being the voice of " Kamala and Walz are still politicians, they dont care about the underclasses. Their policies have been shitty in these ways [enumeration]". And try to frame things in a way theyll understand. Theyre not which is more than I can say for a lot of other self proclaimed leftists ive talked with.
Just got back from a backpacking trip in the Southwestern US. We had to cut it short because my friend fell ill, but still got to be in the wilderness for 6 days.
It was so lovely, fellow trans comrades. Hereβs a couple of photos:
spoiler
Trans mega news mega crossover:
βWe have way more power than they thinkβ: Advocates host Trans Folks for Harris Zoom call
More than 1,000 people attend Trans Folks for Harris Zoom call.
there was leftover change stuck in the laundromat dryer. freed that like a lil side quest. sometimes it's the little things
horny, stupid
You can make vegan cream
You can make a vegan cream
going with the theme
someone needs to make this vegan scream
regimepilled femtanyl CONFIRMED
Just recently I was at this cafe, and there were these four employees. They each had like a different area of responsibility (cashier, barista, food guy, and calling out orders), so I spoke to each of them independently. Now, the real juicy bit of this story, is that they ma'am'd and sir'd me in alternating order, which I thought was cool.
The strong overlap between autism and being trans is one of the great gifts bestowed upon this world by an unseen force.
cw sexual harassment
Twice this week a (different) man touched me inappropriately and I think it put me in a dark space
Iβm starting to resent my cis guy friends a bit because they always act like they support me but then are completely useless whenever something like that happens. The next day theyβll just start talking again about their favourite books that only have cis male characters. I wish I had more trans friends but I havenβt had the energy to meet new people this year.
Thinking we might need to outlaw cishets until we figure out wtf is going on with those guys
good news: I got the prescription for injections
annoying
they jumpscared me by asking me about vaginoplasty. I wasn't mentally prepped to talk about that and it made me cry after the appointment ugh
after a grand total of 18 months on E, i have decided to change my profile pronouns from they/them to they/she. feel like i'm doing this all out of order
Wow, two Luna posts within 30 minutes? What's going on? Well, I've been taking estradiol injections for 10 weeks now. It's hard to imagine how different I feel from how I did a few months ago. I went from "um... yea, but I'm worried about certain things" and "I might stop, I'm just trying it out" to "grow Grow GROW" and "I need more. MORE!" The feeling of not wanting to go back, the feelings of excitement and happiness, as well as the feelings of anticipation for what lay further into my future, make it clear.
Starting E was one of the best decisions of my life, and I'm not even three months in. May the next 10 weeks continue the wonderful experience that the first 10 brought, and may I continue to further explore who I truly am, and who I want to be. π³οΈββ§οΈπ³οΈββ§οΈπ³οΈββ§οΈ
Me: i dont want to see anyone i want to be all alone im so fucking overwhelmed
10 minutes later: uuugghhh where are people i want to be social!
10 minutes later: im overwhelmed noo everyone go away!
Can my brain just make up its fucking mind!?
just found out T causes trans mascs to grow prostate tissue, that's neat. hell yeah lads
Came out to one of my mushroom bros today. Was worried but he was very accepting. And he lifts competitively so had his own experience with hormones to share, even estrogen which he used a few times when he was first balancing his t levels.
He even could relate to the sore nipples lol
CW for work, medication, and mental health.
Tap for spoiler
Work has been so busy and crushing with our workload and being on-call. It really feels like I haven't had a good breather since the winter holidays last year.
I really want to take a few week break and drive out to some beautiful places but not enough money and my car is always breaking down. Maybe I'll go camping locally..
On the plus side though, HRT is impressing me every week. My boobs are filling out and are about fist sized, body hair has lightened up, and can't fit into old pants because of these thighs.
I also started taking antidepressants again and they seem to be helping with my stress and depression, so thats nice. Therapy, gender affirming care, and coping techniques kept me alive but I was really struggling.
I will happily compliment a girl on her clothes, her hair, looking fresh and glowing, flirt, etc. No problem.
But I cannot do that with a guy, lol, just get so locked up. Like a pretty guy, fluffy hair??? I have never been able to get past the lump in my throat/butterflies in stomach lol
happy posting (about height)
okay chat so maybe I saw a couple women who maybe were cute and maybe they were actually my height and maybe a little taller and just maybe I'm not totally fucked because of my height. Maybe. Either way felt really good to see some people actually are my size, doesn't happen all the time. So uh yea, I'm just having a good day now.
cw: sad; transphobic parent
i came out to my mum on the weekend and it didn't go too well. she's been pretty selfish with the whole thing and she keeps asserting that she gave birth to a son and doesn't have a daughter. i've blocked her for now, i don't know how this resolves but i have other people in my life who do actually care about me so i'd rather spend my time with them.
on the bright side i'm out to the majority of my friends now, i've switched over all my socials, and my skin is getting softer! i really love being trans, i just wish i didn't have to deal with any of this other shit...
Had my final appointment with my psychiatrist today, and am now officially mentally healthy and thriving .... kinda. I probably have some form of ADD, but I'd have to see a neuropsychologist for that, and the psychiatrist was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to get it covered since only people who have a severe enough case of it to not be able to work can get that publicly where I live, so I just have to facetank all the symptoms either way.
struggling with my mom, long post
okay so the thing with my mom is. things will be calm for a while but once every 1-2 months she will seemingly randomly blow up at me. Then she will tell me that actually, it's my fault because she had been enduring a lot of poor behavior from me and had gotten to the end of her rope and that's the reason why she starts yelling. She said she never does it randomly, it's always my fault.
The things that I do that bother her that drain her "to the end of her rope" is stuff like, sometimes I will get into a cycle of sleeping and waking up really late (like, 1-2 pm late) and she hates that. And also sometimes I annoy her by "talking back" (which never registers to me as talking back, in my head it always registers as me just sharing my perspective.) And I don't always proactively go make dinner, sometimes I have to wait til I'm called (though sometimes I am proactive about it!! she just calls me way earlier than necessary!!!) She also gets annoyed seeing me lying in bed during the day (something she does herself), by my messy room, by the fact that in her eyes I don't go out enough, and because she thinks I'm just lazing about the house all day. In reality, I'm usually doing a lot of personal projects; if I'm not doing those it's usually because I'm incredibly depressed and/or tired that day.
So I do all these things that annoy her, but she tamps it down until she explodes, and then I get hurt when she does that. Also all the things I do to her are me abusing her. Oh and today she was like "oh you're going to go online or to your friends and complain about me, which I don't think is fair" which... idek anymore.
Am I in the wrong here? Please, if I'm in the wrong here, please tell me. I want to give my mom a fair chance, I feel horribly guilty. But I don't know what to do. With my various neurodivergencies (ADHD, autism, OCD, depression, etc.) there's no way I can be 100% on top of things all the time like she wants me to. Like I would also prefer if I could wake up early and go to sleep early every day, but I just can't. It's basically impossible for me. And I try my best to be pleasant and helpful around the house but sometimes I do get annoyed at having to cook and I have a hard time hiding that all the time.
She says that I break her trust because I don't have "consistency" and that me "trying" isn't enough. But trying is all I can do, I don't know what more I can do but try. I just can't help the fact that some of the things she wants from me are exponentially more difficult than they are for other people. But maybe I'm the one who doesn't have enough self-discipline or something.
Also she told me today that she expected me to take care of the house and my brother and her more. She's disabled, I get it, but why is this all my responsibility now? I get that I'm the older child (the "eldest daughter" even if I'm not a girl) and I'm technically an adult but am I wrong in feeling that this is a bit unfair? That all the responsibility for this is on me and none of it is on my brother or my dad? And yet my mom thinks my brother is the much better family member, she goes on and on to me about how my brother is such a better person than me (mostly because he's less neurodivergent, tbh.)
I don't know what to do. I don't. I can't stand it anymore. This hair-trigger kind of anger that apparently I'm always setting off because just the way I exist is wrong.
holy shit, chat, i completely forgot my tax returns!
dont have to wait a month to pay my bills now!
i had a dream someone had broken my cat ears
thankfully it was just a dream
When the retro poster woman has a freakishly small waist
But her shoulders look proportionally large
Anyway, you folkesβ advice to look at normal people non-judgmentally is nice. Helps Iβm mostly around boring crackers. Itβs obvious most adults donβt have tiny waists and Iβve never cared anyway. Shoulders in general often look weird regardless of size. Weird thing is I only know how I want to look by what I find attractive and I only find very rare people attractive atm.